Seven Days Of Life

What is the many idea of the story? I love though how it was tied so much in to the real world. It was very intrastate to read. I want to here more about what this "kid" wants to do. Why does he want to kill him self. Does he know that you may not find a soul mate at first. Over all it's a great story! I want to read more!

I'm in the same boat as the other readers: after finishing your piece I'm left with an overwhelming sense of confusion. Honestly, I think that this piece has the makings of a great story, and I like that you used numbers as days. I think that you could have executed the technique more effectively, but as I like it as a fundamental concept. Other than that, I would suggest you revise this piece to add greater detail and meaning to it. The piece is too vague.

I really have no idea what's even going on here. I don't.

My first reaction was that maybe English isn't your first language. If this is the case, I know how difficult it is to make sense of other languages' sentence structure. There were a lot of simple mechanics misconstrued in this piece, such as using "a" instead of "an", misused verbs, and a LOT of errors so elementary that I don't even remember their names anymore, I'm afraid. That needs some heavy editing.

Number 4 is also quite confusing to me, as it sounds incredibly unrealistic. People don't just decided to hang themselves when they're bored. Perhaps you just used the wrong words to describe the reasoning, or I'm just not fully understanding that part.

Also, what are the numbers for? I know someone else had mentioned this too, I would just really like to understand this piece better. I think that the intentions had the potential of becoming a great piece, but the presentation was extremely off.


If, however, English is your first language (which I highly doubt, judging by your username and type of errors), this has so many problems that I don't even know if it can be considered a story anymore. Sorry about that, but I'm just leaving an honest review here.

Even though this story was a bit of a fail, I really hope that you continue to pursue your love of writing! All authors had to start somewhere, right? Don't give up on English just yet - it's incredibly complex, but also incredibly worth learning.


-Brynne

Well I am not sure what I read but I am going to give you a review anyways.

First off, typos man...typos. I was so distracted by the typos that I had to re-read several parts four or five times. Some of these typos I am not sure how you made them. "I bought a pope..." The 'p' and the 'r' are no where near each other. You make sure to proof-read this before putting it up.

The thoughts of these "days" are really sporadic. They jump all over the place from one day to the next. The only constant theme is sadness from being smart and not finding interest in anything. Even then there is really no connection to the narrator. I feel like I am just watching something from the outside.

I'm not sure if you caught this but... the title is "Seven Days of Life" but...you only have six. Maybe something didn't get copied over but if you are going to express seven days then you should make sure to have seven days written out.

Other than those three issues you do pretty will with description and trying to convey an emotion to the reader of this narrator. If you work on those items and maybe you can embellish on a few of these days to give us a better idea of this world from the main character's view point.

Happy Writing!

Hey... It's Ellesegar for your review! So let's get started.

First off, the description thrills me, but when I start to read, I'm disappointed. The first lines don't thrill me at all.

Another thing, what are the numbers for? I am very confused. Are they supposed to symbolize the days? And if so, you only have six. I am so so confused.

In the second paragraph, the second sentence needs a comma. This will better connect your two phrases and make the sentence flow better. Also, make sure your noun and verb agrees. When the noun is singular, your verb needs to have an "-s" but when the noun is plural, such as we, the verb doesn't. So when you say, "chasing answer", you need to have "chasing answers".

Make sure you know when and where to use commas. Use this site to help you if needed.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm

At the end, I am confused. Just a paragraph he was talking about killing himself and the paragraph before that, he was talking about the love of his life.

Overall, great story! Make sure to keep writing, you have lots of potential.

~Ellesegar~

In retrospect this is definetly a comedic story about an egotistical writer, the typos are too many and the talk of perfection is too much for it to be anything else, you have my utter congratulations on being so brilliant.