Young Writers Society

Hey there, Eli here!

As others before me have said, this work is full of negatives and complaints of someone who could do so much more for the world instead of just killing themselves and quitting it all. It is absurd but I guess it depends on the person? I honestly thought you will be talking about a real problematic life of someone poor, not educated or something that causes sadness in their life. Something that they lack that everyone else already has naturally. But it was a surprise to see it is totally the opposite. The thing that I disliked more about this work than the concept of it which is too complex and twisted for me was the grammar that we are having here. It is all messed up and the reader who is averagely knowledgeable in the language will notice at least most of the mistakes. I will correct some parts that are from the start and more noticeable from the reader and might make them leave this half read and read something else instead. Also, the title of this work is also grammarly wrong spelt.



My life is a shit, always has been and always will be… It’s not something I did or didn’t do, it’s just shit on its own. When I look back I see that there are so many things I could have done differently and better, but that’s life for you; only one chance to do something that you barely understand, and it’s almost sure that you will screw up and it’s all downhill from there. A key thing is that you need to survive, other than water, air and other crap, is to be as stupid and ignorant as you fucking could. Too bad I’m the most gifted human to ever live, intelligence wise, thanks, evolution… I am simply brilliant, to say I’m genius is an understatement, it’s more like I am to geniuses what they are to you regular people… I am a genius and I’m alone and bored as fuck. Because to be smarter than everybody else is to be alone. Fuck my fucking boring life, I started school earlier than everybody else, I was better than everybody else, I finished before everybody else. Fuck everybody else, fuck school and lastly fuck me. When I got to college, I was already bored as fuck, so I went for psychology for some fucking reason. It was domination once again, until one day I said fuck all, and started fucking around.

I loved to get myself wasted in oblivion… That worked for a while until it stopped and it was back to fuck bored again. Honestly, I never found love, it’s was always easy to get girls to sleep with me, just a few lies and you got them to do stupid stuff they would regret later. But like everything it gets boring very quickly and you forget why the fuck did you do it in the first place. Simply, I never met anybody who could keep up with me, maybe a few people but they mostly didn’t give a fuck, and why should they. At some point I realized the true point of life and it wasn’t pretty… I realized that life has no real point or goal, it’s just survival for as long as you can. No god, no higher purpose, no love, and no fucking anything… it’s just lonely cold fucking rock with water where bunch of organic creatures try/ied desperately to survive. Even everything has to die and everything will die and disappear. And there you have evolution finest. Humans are a fucking epitome of ability that nothing makes any sense, species that have the ability to think and dream… fuck it all… I quit and killed myself, now I’m a fucking ghost, not like that gay Casper, but a real badass fucking ghost… just kidding. There is nothing after death, and not dark and empty king of nothing but real fucking nothingness… BYE LOL


Keep on writing!

I don't think I quite understand... Is this a fictional story? An essay of sorts? I can't quite wrap my head around it.

I assume this isn't a character of your creation speaking, that you're talking about your own life? That's what I get from the description anyway. Let's assume that. I don't mark this as a review, because I'd only correct a few grammatical mistakes. I think an ordinary comment on the content of your work is far more suitable in this case.

It's quite cynical, but understandable nonetheless. Indeed, despite not being quite genius level myself, I'd like to believe that I have some brains to work with. It does get difficult to relate to most people, that much I agree with, but not to the point of no return. Patience is a key trait that goes hand in hand with intellect. Some people are, as you mention, simply not as adept at understanding things quickly (neither am I, compared to the 96th+ percentile), and in order to get them to understand you and your world, to relate to you, you must have patience. Patience, a kind heart and one fuckton of empathy.

But I don't think life is meaningless. What is a genius who does nothing? Is he more than an engineer of average intellect, who contributes to the colonization of Mars? I don't think so. See, in my opinion, intellect alone means nothing. A genius without motivation, hard work or a lust for knowledge is pretty much useless. I'd prefer Feynman, with his IQ of 125, over a 160 IQ, unimaginative, unmotivated, depressed cynic. See, that's not an insult, that's just the truth. Life will have no more meaning than you yourself will give it, and if you think the point of life is this, then you'll never be satisfied.

Intellect alone can't save anyone. Some intellect, paired with patience, hard work, creativity and empathy, create the best of engineers, physicists, teachers and all other pioneers of an advanced human race.

Indeed, psychology is a fucking worthless course if you actually want to do something productive (don't get me wrong, psychologists and psychiatrists and therapists are not useless people, but most psych majors end up never using their degree anyway, it seems, so that's why I call it useless). I bet that, were you to take physics, pure mathematics, engineering or any other course in being a productive citizen, you'd be way more occupied and happy with life.

Create stuff! You've got the tools, you just choose not to use them.

If you were writing a character, and this isn't about you, then it applies to anyone who may read this and feel that way.

Honestly, this short story upset me, Antoanslavik. I didn't find it enjoyable or enlightening or funny. I do not mean to make things seem rudely ironic, but your diction does not convince me of the speaker's beyond-genius aptitude.
For starters, the "it's" that is after the first ellipses, and is the second to last word before the first period, is supposed to be "its." Next, in the following sentence, "thighs" might want to be "things." I don't want to give you every grammatical mistake; you get it.
Anyway, I also think that a genius might come up with more specific, image-producing, words than the consistent uses of profanity.
Moving forward, the piece as a whole brings me conflict. The speaker claims to be "the genius of geniuses" but, with truly aggravating narcissism, he chiefly just complains about not being able to entertain his mind... which should not be a problem for someone who is smart enough to utilize tools. And that might be preface for something brilliant, but instead the character commits suicide, and then is able to perceive a vacuum, at which point the character exclaims "BYE" and laughs until fade-out?
What's the accuracy of being called a genius if you help nothing but your own drive for entertainment? What about work? Family? This implies that the world holds no hope for people who are smart enough to grasp its wonder, which doesn't transpose to the real world because there are plenty of old, smart people.

Hello! DragonNoir here for a review!

First of all, this shouldn't really be a 16+ for langauge, it should be 18 from what I've read on here. I must say, you really have interesting subjects to write about in your spare time. Although, I'm missing the purpose of this. You've written all of this, but why? What message are you trying to get across, other than the fact that the narrator are very full of themselves? I understand the whole thing about the point of life and everything, but that is just completely put to the background by the narrator's tone of voice. Well, to me it just sounds like someone writing to be able to get through stressful times or something like that. Furthermore, you have the narrator say at the end that they are apparently a ghost and then that they are dead, which brings up one question: Where's the logic gone? Clearly they'd have to be alive on a level or another to be able to write this, unless this is supposed to be showing how amazing our genius is, but even then, you should at least have them say that they're dead and then say that they're a) about to kill themselves or b) still alive.

Onto the technical part, I think you've really got some working to do with your spelling, punctuation, structure and grammar. Why bother posting something up if it's full of errors? It's like giving a half-cooked meal to a customer at a restaurant. First of all, spelling:

"Life and it's essence trough eyes of genius" You should only use the apostrophe when using it as a contraction for "it is". When used as a possessive pronoun, it is written as "its". As well as this, you missed out the articles before 'eyes' and 'genius'. When written correctly, the title should look like this: "Life and Its Essence Through the Eyes of a Genius."
This is only an example of the mistakes you made; you should consider going through this short story with someone who is fluent in English, or at least a program like Microsoft Word which shows your errors when you make them.

Now, punctuation. You actually make two mistakes here: you not only miss out punctuation, but you also fail to add any kind of variety other than commas and periods. Even if this is supposed to reflect how much of a 'genius' the narrator is, I would try something which makes reading this much less awkward, like misspelling a few words. I understand that this might have been for effect, along with some of the other things I have and will point out in this review, but there is a boundary where it just stops working and just makes the piece almost unenjoyable.

Moving on to structure:
You set this out in one whole paragraph. And there's your mistake. You could've had at least some sense of structure and paragraphing to be able to separate it into at least two paragraphs. Again, if this is for effect, then it's really not working for me.

And finally: grammar!
You make the very common error of missing out articles ('the', 'an' and 'a'), as well as a few tense mistakes and other mistakes which I can't necessarily group into a specific category, other than just 'mistake'. As I said, I would recommend going through this with someone or at least getting some help with your English through a tutor or a website. Believe me, there's millions of methods I could name which could help your English.

Overall, I'd say you really need to work on your English before you try to write any more stories for the public to read. Work on it until you think that it's at a good enough standard for it to be published and then wait for people to give you feedback. I'm not trying to boss you around; I am simply giving you advice. The story itself, however, just isn't really my cup of tea. I just don't feel a connection in any way, shape or form with the narrator. For now, you can just work on your English and when you think it's good enough, try writing something new! And I don't mean something about an egotistic bigot, I mean something fresh; something you haven't written before.
I hope my review helped!