Hello, Steggy here for a review!
What I like about this poem is how the theme is played out. When I'm reading this, I imagine a newly married couple and the husband really enjoying the marriage. Or, it could be that the wife left the husband because he had some problem with drinking or something. It is one of those realistic poems that I adore reading time to time. Another thing I like would be the rhyming. It gets the meaning across quite well when I read it. Though I said I do like the rhyming, in some places, it felt a bit forced.
In the middle stanzas, where you have "tell" and "fell" rhyming, "fell" doesn't exactly go with the following words "only deep I will fell". I feel like a better word for "fell" could be "fall" but you used "fell" to match the rhyming scheme. A simple suggestion I have for you would be reading the poem aloud, that way you can edit easier.
Another thing I like to point out is there isn't any punctuation. Though there are some poems that do not need it, I feel this one might. It gives some form of emotion when the reading is reading it. Also, there are times where you need punctuation to show where the stanza or where it will begin. An example would be:
Love's escaping once more
don't deserve anything
I feel like a semicolon or comma should be in there because "don't deserve anything" doesn't exactly match with "love's escaping one more".
Love's escaping once more;
don't deserve anything.
Overall this was a nice poem to read. As the reviewer said below me, most of the lines in this poem have a nice meaning while others don't. A poem should have some form of theme within all the lines.
If you have any questions, let me know!
Steggy
Points: 25891
Reviews: 279
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