I was ready to strap on my red high heels and walk away.
My heart couldn't seem to accept it.
My mouth accepted it.
My fingers accepted it.
My mind even accepted it.
But my heart refused.
Three cords and the truth turned my old car around.
Moving I did not do.
Seems as though I am here to stay
at least for a while.
I have plans and dreams
and only hope you accept them as well as me.
My last night has not yet come.
The pain is my constant companion
The very pain that sorry was supposed to rid.
I have no wounds on my wrist
just on my heart that accompany the scars
It seems for now I am meant to stand by you.
And that I will do
until the day I am no longer wanted
or continue to make you happy,
even if that day has already come...
Of all things corny and stupid
my heart refuses to accept
what my mind has seen coming for a while. My heart is stubborn
and that it will remain
until that day.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Ok, I am going to review this as not a professional, but myself, because right now I'm going through something like this.
I was in a relationship for over a year with a boy I imagined I may eventually marry, but he suddenly asked to break up the day before Christmas Eve, saying that he wasn't wanting to be in a relationship, that he wanted to grow up, as well as myself, and that if the time came, we could try again. I eventually agreed, and for some time after that, we still talked, said I love you, Hell, we even kissed.
But, two weeks after we broke up, I discovered he got a new girlfriend.
I was hurt, angry, confused, heartbroken, all at the same time, because I could no longer understand why or what happened.
It's been about a month and a half now, but it still hurts, and I know it'll hurt for some time. But I have my friends and family by me, so I'll be ok eventually.
It's strange, the way the heart will want something even though every other fiber of your being is against it. Although he broke my heart, I still love him.
I want to leave, but I want to stay. I want to abandon him, but I want to stay by his side.
I want him to be hurt, but I want him to smile. I feel I should hate him, but I can't bring myself to feel that way.
I say this because it means your poem is relatable. You don't truly know how great that is. Being able to write something that people can sympathize with will draw people to you, and to your work.
Now, I will say there are a few little issues.
Main one that bothered me is the wording of the last long stanza.
It's weird, it doesn't flow right, please change it XDD
Well, that's all I have to say except well done.
Keep writing and good luck
~Maddie
Thanks so much I wrote this shortly after my boyfriend told me that he didn't love me on valentines last year. I was devastated because it came out of nowhere he had been telling me for months that he had loved me.
I made a few changes to the last stanza which I think improves it a bit. Please let me know what you think.
That is terrible.
Yeah, my valentine's day last year was . . . bitter sweet. My boyfriend at the time (same boy) had his wisdom teeth removed while I was at school, and when I went over to his house, I got to experience about six hours of him sleeping and throwing up blood every half hour. I don't blame him for it, he couldn't control it. But, it was my first valentine's day with a real boyfriend, something I had dreamed about . . . and instead I was given a sick boy, and this year I know he treated the girl he's now with the way I always wanted to be. It hurts.
But I'll be ok
Thank you for fixing it, it looks a lot better now ^^
the heart sets the rule and sticks to it - period. keep writing pal.
Hey this is really good although at times a little confusing.
"Seems as though i am here to stay
at least for a while it seems."
This bit could use some working on. The repeat of 'seems' doesn't flow with the rest of it.
"of all things corny and stupid things
my heart refuses to accept
what my mind has seen coming for a while."
There should probably be a comma after accept otherwise it doesn't make any sense.
"But my heart is stubborn
just as i am accused of being
so seems my heart
and that it will remain
until that day."
This ending you might want to consider rephrasing because I found it a little jumbled,
It's a beautiful idea but sometimes you get muddled.
Also don't forget to be consistent with grammar. A capital 'I' is necessary throughout.
~SilentPatronus~