The words screw up and mistakes
are such harmful words
the insinuate that someone is at fault
instead of mutual fault
they insinuate what i have been told my whole life
That everything is someones fault.
And as I was lead to believe that it was all my fault
Everything happened because of something I did.
As a kid they warned to not step on a crack
or else they would break their daddy's back.
As a child I felt adventurous.
And said I didn't care and stepped on the crack
The next thing I knew my daddy had a broken back
And from that day always felt the responsibility
to make up for a childhood mistake
I now understand that a child's saying
did not break my daddy
but my daddy is still broke
and all the kings men
couldn't put my daddy back together
I have seen my daddy cry
have seen my momma's silent pain
as she withdrew from our lives
and lived in her own private hell
leaving her children to raise themselves
She shut herself up in the dungeon
leaving me to learn how to cook
on my own
don't get me wrong
I have great memories
that keep the pain company
however the pain felt
throughout those long years
that seem to never end
only grows daily.
No child should feel like they
are responsible for
taking care of their parents
not that young.
I hold no resentment for the lost years
I only am grateful for the experience
and strength gained in those years.
All I have wanted out of life is to know a day without pain.
but anymore I have learned to accept it and live with the pain
to grow with it as it grows
and to not let it get me down
no matter how strong the pain is.
Its hard not having many people understand
the kinds of pain I feel on a daily basis
Not all of it is emotional most is physical pain
but i put on my boots.
I yearn to feel happy and free
not to act
I want to feel safe again
that is a day i know is far away
I understand this and the reality
of the situation
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Oooooh! I was right with you until the last four lines! DX
This is uplifting, encouraging, insightful-
And then you basically went back on everything you had said by saying it was your fault, even though you had basically proved that false by explaining the living situation, and just the life the narrator lead. It's not the narrator's fault, it's just how the chips fell in this person's life that lead to the mistakes and learning experiences. They couldn't control the father breaking his back, they couldn't control the mother cutting herself off, so don't ruin this really great piece by throwing in that monkey wrench at the very end!
Don't cancel yourself out is the basic gist. Sorry if that was a bit ranty, but it's a personal pet peeve when stories are saying one thing and then suddenly decide at the end that they want to be like "Oh just forget everything you just saw"
That's why I hate how The Lion King messed up their message, and the messed up BS of this one Avatar the Last Airbender episode (oh look, I'm ranting again)
And also, you said "learning experience" in the third to last, and last lines. Change up the wording in one of the lines. It's kind of distracting, just saying.
Ok, aside from THAT-
This is great. I like the story, it's very realistic, and really makes you think. The tempo is pleasant, and there's a good use of vocabulary.
Continue to write ^^
~Maddie
I feel that this poem is more narrative than anything, its very hard to get the rhythm you were intending. I do enjoy how you ended it though, you can feel the flow there and it works well. Your repetition of words is also very strong and adds to the elements of this piece to make it more effective. I think that is a very good thing you've done.