Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
I was born and raised in a summer haze on Mississippi mud in a town called Nullepart. Nullepart, a town that was too small for a map, where everyone knew exactly who to call to get you grounded, and a secret was a foreign concept. Barely anything happened there. Babies were born, kids went to school, teenagers got in trouble, and adults got married, grew old, and died. That’s all that ever happened. Yet, no one ever left Nullepart. Occasionally people would come live there, but these people were considered outsiders for their first twenty-five years of life there at least.
My family had been living in Nullepart for over a hundred years, and thanks solely to my brothers, would probably still be living in the same house a hundred years from now. By then I would be long gone.
In Nullepart, despite the fact it was the twenty-first century, all women did was cook, clean, gossip, go to United Methodist Women’s Council meetings, and maybe teach. The only woman in town with a real career, Ms. Williams, was ridiculed and outcast from the rest of Nullepart woman’s society. That’s why I had always wanted to get out. I wanted to travel the world, write poetry, and actually live. Not raise kids, go to boring meetings, and gossip with elderly people.
I often wondered why I had to have been born in this place and time. I would have been much better off in the renaissance, when my creativity would have been appreciated, not hidden from the Women’s Council. But the day I met him, I realized why I was living here and now, and why things were the way they were. That day everything changed.
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,335 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well we have ourselves a pretty interesting town right there, definitely got a lot of things happening there that arouse a bit of suspicion even though on the surface it does look like its a fairly boring town on the surface of it there...hmm, well, things definitely off to a neat start with this first paragraph. The description of the town does a pretty good job of getting your attention right there.
That does seem like its just introducing the protagonists there...just sort of establishing how things are I suppose. Looks like a nice little touch of backstory there to include.
Alright, looks like this is a society that's stuck a bit backwards in time there, judging from what that paragraph seems to be trying to say there aaand it appears the protagonist is going to be someone from said society trying to escape from it somehow and now I suppose the earlier part about how no one seemed to ever be able to leave factors into things here. This is getting to be pretty intriguing here.
Hmm, things ending on a bit of a cliffhanger there I see... we have ourselves a mysterious person that they meet...and well, its a pretty neat place to end on there, definitely leaves you with a few things to be thinking about there...and that's nice to see at the start here. It seems like it could be a pretty interesting story here, and one that I'd read.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
TheGoonerGirl here to review your story!
This looks as if it's going to be a very interesting story with a great plot that has some twists and turns to it. You writing style also makes it sound even more intriguing and you've finished it with a good cliffhanger! However, there's always room for improvement.
Like pegasusgirl2 and gianinepantig have already pointed out, there's hardly any description of the setting and the people that live there. What are the people like? Why are they like that? How did they come to be like that? What is the town like? What does it look like? What is its history (unless you intend to hide it from the reader)?
Other than that, I think it's great and I would not mind having to review the next piece!
Happy writing!
Hello there^^ I think this is a one great intro. But it lacks some description. But despite that its a good job!
I like it. Maybe you could desrcibe the town, what does it look like? How many people live there? Why don't you want to be like everyone else, then realize why you are there? Why the renaissance? Why not a time earlier or later? I know its a lot of questions, but they're just ideas.
Good intro! Has great "voice" in it.