Two pony tails decorate her hair.
Each with a dozen curls .No more , no less.
They Overlap her milky cream cheeks, but can not cover her many freckles.
Her hazel eyes close as a tear tenderly falls.
Crystallizing as it caresses one of her fingers.
Her gentle lips bite down hard.
She wears a blue princess dress.
Accompanied by Glass slippers which curl with her small feet.
In one hand she wears a glove
in the other she keeps a cross.
Her eyes open and she looks into a mirror.
Before her reflects a girl.
A pony tail decorates her hair.
With a dozen curls .No more , no less .
They rest on her pale cheeks,covering her freckles.
Her hazel eyes open as a tear falls , melting on one of her fingers.
Her crimson lips bite down the blood.
She wears A blue wedding dress.
Accompanied by Glass slippers which curl with her feet.
In one hand she wears a glove.
In the other she keeps a knife.
~Wendy~
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,707 Reviews
Pretty much everything XYZinnia said in her review is correct except for one small mistake I want to point out:
"No" actually should be capitalized, as it begins a new sentence.
Hi. I'm Forever Threnody, okay, let's start with your review.
I love blue princess dresses!
Oooh a knife... ooh... scary.
Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
Hello! XYZinnia here!
I saw where you posted you wanted reviews for this, so here I am!
Welcome to YWS!
First of all, you should put this in the Poetry category, (Narrative, maybe?) Because this is a poem, not a story.
Anyway, on to the Nit-Picks!.
I just moved around the punctuation. Also, “no” doesn’t need to be capitalized.
This reads more like a story than a poem. So I think I would make this two lines. Oh, and “overlap” doesn’t need to be capitalized. I capitalize all the time, too. (I Would Talk Like This If I Could.
Hmm, I don’t think that tears crystallize that fast. I think you should replace that word.
People may not understand what a “princess” dress is. You may want to change that.
I think I would change “which” to “that”. (Maybe even get rid of “with” or “small”.)
I would either change “In” with “On” or “wears” with “holds”.
Nice.
I thought she had two ponytails? (No space.)
I thought that her hair “can not cover her many freckles”.
“A” doesn’t need to be capitalized.
Oh, lovely ending! But what happen to the cross?
I loved the story this poem tells. You can tell a lot, even though you don’t say much. Overall, I thought it was very nice. I look forward to seeing more of you work!
So long!
-Y
I don't understand much about poetry so this is my opinion as a reader.
It was good. I kept getting chills as I read. You were right to post that here, in my opinion. It really was good- I liked it. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work! If you need anything, don't hesitate to PM me.
ofir