first page of a script ( finding an ideal husband ) this was for my writing camp
Two women gossip about their boring life
Veronica: so anything interesting happen in your life yet
Desire: no nothing as always. I wish someone would just die
than we could get their money and have something to talk about
Veronica: you mustn’t say that we don’t want anyone to die
Desiree: what about are awful aunt Madge she’s got tones of
cash
Veronica: I wish no harm to come upon here
Desiree : this is boring lets go scope out dome cute boy
May belle talks about Arthur
Mr. bob: hello may bell how interesting to see you here. Has my lowlife snake
of a son arrived yet
May belle; why do you call him a lowlife
Mr. Bob: because he does nothing he doesn’t even have a job
May belle; oh don’t say that he is working very hard to find
something and I’m sure he will find something soon. He is rather quite
charming. He acts in local theater
Mr. Bob: that’s very nice of you to say but where this theater
going to get him
May belle: theater can get him many friends and keep him
happy until he finds a job. You should come and visit more
Mr. Bob: oh I never go anywhere, except sometimes I go to
the y to workout
May belle: ohh I love the y. there are always such interesting
people there
Mr. bob: hum I don’t
find them interesting
Maebelle: I would like to inform you I am making your son a
better man and he is coming along very nicely. He is almost precentable
Mrs green and mrs marsh meet alongdon’t get along
Lady green: good evening gertty so kind to let my friend
ineven though she isint on the list
Mrs marsh: ah mrs green and I used to dance and swim together
Mrs green: did we. Ahh yes you were the little clumsy girl.
And you almost drowned
I would like to meet you husband mrs marsh his book is so
intresting
Mrs marsh : it was a childrens book mrs green
Mrs green : I can still enjoy it
Mrs marsh: I suppose so but idont think you too
would get along
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Really well done, I see where you got inspired by Oscar Wilde, which is saying something because he was a literary Genius.
But may I just make on suggestion, add some stage direction. Stage direction is vital and just as important as the characters lines.
But that aside, good job man.
Legy,
Hey Alli,
Dreamy here to review. I was so happy to see a theatre work after so long. So a special thanks to you. And the title was good,basically it drew me in. As of to start with your work it's very messy.The idea is clear,the characters are understandable, I was able to understand what was going on but with difficulty. I think the difficulty is because of the format or the way you have presented it. Presentation is very important when it comes to submission of a work,so I suggest you to work on that. The dialogues are funny. And I liked it.
This is a very interesting work, keep writing.!!!!
Cheers!!!
Hey, HT here to review. You have a really good plot going here, but your appearance and grammar needs some work.
In a script, first you introduce the characters. The format that is typically used by most playwrights is this:
VERONICA. Followed by a short, one sentence description.
Then, you describe the setting. You started to do that here, but all you said was "Two women gossiping. That's more of a character description then a setting description. Where are they gossiping? Are they sitting down? Standing? What are they wearing? What is the current time period? Usually a setting description is 3-4 sentences, and is at the beginning of each act or section of the play. As time goes on and the setting changes, you note that in the play so that in the future the people who are acting it know where to move and when.
Overall grammar corrections: You need to capitalize the first letter of every sentence and the first letter of the first word a character speaks. You need to use more punctuation, I see a very surprising lack of periods and commas here. Every time a character stops talking, there needs to be a period.
Okay, like I said, I like the idea that you have here. But you need to correct the grammar, and get e handle on the conversation. It's all over the place and hard to understand. I think that if you work on this a little more you can improve your writing.
Peace,
HT