Okay, so I was just sat there just waiting for that phone call of happiness or dread. It was something I could never learn to cope with. I'd never ignore his phone call, I mean how could I he changed my call settings so that he had his own personal ringtone. I always knew when he was calling and still do. So I was sat on the white sheets of my bed as I watched my phone vibrate in my palm. Almost a million things were going through my mind, do I answer it, do I not, what do I even say? So I was just sat there at 03:24 AM as I watched my phone bus in my hand, it was definitely him. I only had one number in my phone which wasn't saved, tat was Elliot's.
I wished he was still here with me. I was listening to my phone vibrate and I was ready for whatever he had to say. I could leave in a moments notice if I had to. 03:25 AM, He'd stopped calling, my phone was silent and I sat there waiting for my voicemail or a redial. But, nothing happened. I had to call him, I needed answers about where he'd been for the past 2 days. I mean I know he was on the run from the cops (I was dating a fugitive, ha), but he would've at least told me or at least Dean. Dean would've told Felicity because of their cousin-ly bond, and Felicity would've told Cass and the 'Girls', therefore leading to Cass telling me. However, nothing had gone through the grapevine and I certainly would've heard Trish bitching about it to Felicity and Adelaide at some point. So I was sat here waiting for the sense of him trying to call me back.
I'd shivered a little. I was sat in the middle of my bed, my sheets were perfectly folded and tucked in, and my pillows were immaculately still. My bed was like a perfect hotel room. I'd been sitting there since I'd come up, only moving for the bathroom or to make sure I don't starve myself. Suddenly, it happened again, 03:26 AM, the phone started ringing again. This time I didn't even hesitate to see the caller ID, I'd already answered the phone by the time the speaker reacher my ear.
"Hello, are you okay?" I was hesitant for an answer, but I was just waiting for some form of reply. Hearing his voice would of been just bliss on it's own.
"Eddie, is that you?" I heard his voice, it sounded weaker than usual.
"Yes, To-Thomas where are you?" I needed an answer off of him, I'd waited 2 days for a phone call just to hear his voice. There wouldn't be any point if he wouldn't even tell me where he was.
"Eddie, just listen okay." It went silent. All I could here was the sound of his light hearted breathing then. Boom! The weather had turned outside and was no longer the gentle breeze but a raging thunderstorm. I got up walking over to the window, I placed my hand against the edge, I could feel the pitter patter of the rain against my cheeks. I shut the window and sat down on the ledge. I picked the phone back up.
"Tom, I know you want me to listen but just tell me where you are?"
"Well, can you let me in?" He asked, but his question baffled me.
"Let you into what?"
"Your house, it's kinda raining and I'm kinda wet." I looked out my window and there he was, just stood on my driveway looking up at my window. I hung up on him and then snuck downstairs. I grabbed my keys off the side table and opened the door, he was stood there soaked, his clothes were soaked from head to toe. I smiled at him as he walked inside. I shut the door behind him, then it was just us. The sounds of the rain outside had subsided behind the facade we were pulling off here right now.
"I'll get you a towel." I stepped towards him. I placed my hand on his chest, I could feel the dampness of his jacket. "Sorry, I'll go do it now." I walked off leaving him there. After grabbing a towel from the laundry room, I came back to find him exactly how I left him. I passed him the towel, "maybe you should take those wet clothes off, I mean it would be easier and there's always some of mine you can put on." I smiled and he held my hand.
He started taking off his clothes, I stood there still towel in hand. He was down to his boxers then I handed him the towel. "Okay so you can have a shower while I put these in the dryer."
"Okay." He smiled at me before walking upstairs.
"You remember where the bathroom is right?"
"Yeah." I walked over to the laundry, I emptied his pockets out, he left his phone and wallet in his jeans. I took them upstairs, I knocked on the door to the bathroom. "Tom, are you alright in there?" I opened the door slightly, I saw his damp boxers on the floor and I stepped inside the bathroom.
"Eddie is that you?" Thomas asked, I was hesitant to reply.
"Yeah, I was just going to add your boxers into the dryer, I also brought your phone and wallet upstairs. I'm going to put some clothes for you on my bed." I walked out the bathroom and back into my room. I grabbed a Tom some clothes out of my closet and placed them on my bed. I saw his phone light up. I glanced over and saw a text from someone only saved as X. The text read 'Have you done it yet? Are you still with him?' I ignored it. I thought it'd be better to ask Thomax instead of replying some stupid message.
So 03:51, Tom had finished in the shower. I was waiting for him to get changed, I was sat on my bed. Tom walked back in.
"They look like they fit you." I was looking at him drying off his hair while he stood wearing my clothes.
"So, Eddie. Why are you home alone? It's not like your parents to go out and I would've thought Daniel would be throwing one of his infamous parties."
"Evidently, you're wrong. My parents are visiting my grandmother in the Lake District, my grandfather isn't well and Danny is at some party in town." I laid down, I was staring up at my ceiling. I pulled my shirt down a little covering the bottom of my stomach. I was wearing Tom's old football shirt and my favourite pair of boxers. I felt Tom sit down next to me.
"Remember when we had to run to my house because after school it started pouring down, I mean I was wet but you were soaking because that car ran over the puddle which splashed all over you." He laughed a little, I could tell he was smiling. He laid next to me. "Then we had that shower together and you took my glasses and I ended up skipping on soap, so afterwards I sat around with a bag of frozen peas on my hip and you apologising so much wearing my football shirt because you didn't know what was clean or not." He was laughing and so was I, he'd reminded me of when we used to be happy. "-And now, were laid here, me in your clothes and you in my football shirt." We looked at each other. "Eddie you know I-"
I kissed him.
"What was that for?" He questioned, I mean he did have a point. I just kissed him without reason, I guess he deserved a decent response.
"I just wanted to savour the moment," I sat up and walked over to my window. "Before things got ugly." I looked outside. It was like a hurricane the wind was violent and no longer a breeze and the thunder was getting louder. The rain was beating down on the tarmac and soon enough me and Tom would sympathise with it, the tarmac not the rain.
"Okay," He sat up on my bed.
"Where should I start?" I laughed a little, one of those sarcastically pathetic laughs that you do when you know that person isn't worth your time. "Who's X?" I breathed in and out, I was holding back the tears but I couldn't stop the shaking. I didn't even know whether it was because I was so angry with him, or because I was scared to even know the answer.
"X is nobody important."
"So like me right? 'Cause I don't even know if you've you've done it or not."
"Eddie listen, X is just someone we both know trying to fix things, okay?" He looked at me, he almost seemed scared for a second.
"So who is it then? Is it Felicity or Adelaide I mean it's certainly not Trish. Oh, what about Dean, is X Dean?" I was now in his face, I'd moved from the window and I was shouting at him. I could see why he wouldn't tell me.
"X isn't any of them." He was looking directly into my eyes.
"Then tell me who!"
"X is Cass." He almost bit his lip trying not to say it. I mean, I was in shock. My best friend had been talking to my boyfriend without me knowing or without even telling me she was now besties with him. I sat down next to him.
"So she's known where you've been? For two whole days she hasn't told me."
"I asked her not to Eddie. I needed to tell you myself. That's why I'm here." He was holding my hand, I was trembling and he was holding my hand.
"Okay, so tell me." I was almost in tears, so much for holding them back.
"Now I don't know where to start." He smirked a little. "Well, I told my parents about me and you, and they kicked me out. So I packed my stuff and got a train up to Scotland to see my aunts and uncle, th give me some money but I couldn't stay. So I got the train back yesterday. I went to see the school and they are looking for somewhere for me to live. I know you would've wanted me to tel you but, Eddie, you would've just offered yor house and I've already taken enough from you and your family. I couldn't let you do that. So I went to see Cass, she told me what to do. And brings us up to now." He was looking into my eyes holding my hands.
"Tom, I'm-"
He kissed me.
"Eddie it's okay, don't day anything." He took me into his arms and cradled me. He was so here and we were just sat there waiting for the morning
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Canary word: Present
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Hi allanpxnnay!

I like the emotion expressed in this story. It was very touching! However, there were MANY grammar errors and typos. The errors made the overall sentence structure a little confusing at times. This could've easily been avoided with a re-read. Otherwise, I liked your creative ideas. You tried to express them creatively, but again, the errors made it hard to read. Just be sure to re-read your work before publishing it to make it better and easy to read.
Hi! I'm here to review your short story
#BF4080 "> Plot and Pace
I'm confused I here the sames Eddie, Elliot and Thomas. I don't know who is who. I don't think the point of view you chose works for the story. I think it should be first person, present instead of first person, past. I feel like you were making it sadder and sadder and more perfect every sentence I read. It was going at a great pace until the end. I feel like we suddenly fell out of the emotional build up.
#BF4080 "> Characters and Dialogue
The dialogue and characters were good and it was easy to get a feel of their emotions.
#BF4080 "> Grammar and Weird Sentences
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#BF4080 "> Praise <3
I love how emotional this is. You really were able to show the sad and hopeless love in this story.
#BF4080 "> Extra Comments
Good God, please read over your work. It's hard to enjoy the story with this many typos.