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Young Writers Society



The Stars Above - Summary

by ah1705


In Elysium, you have no freedom. Where you work, what class you will live in and who you will love is all Selected for you by the government. Eighteen-year old Cassiopeia Lorena dreads her final Selection, she knows that she will never be paired with Orion Mastra, her childhood sweetheart, but instead sent to the city. As she awaits an unknown future, Cassiopeia copes with tragic changes as well as startling news. When she finds that nothing is as it seems in an unjust society, she is faced with life changing decisions: Will she choose to fight Elysium or will she agree to abide by the laws?

This is pretty much what I'd say to a friend if they were asking what I'm writing (which they don't because I lie to them and tell them it's for school). I wanted to try to stay away from giving away a lot of surprise elements like that she has the gift to control thoughts and that she doesn't get sent to the city but instead is offered to join the Elysium Guard where she then becomes a pawn to overthrow the government. I also considered adding this in to the summary as well. Suggestions?

Also, I'm aware that this echos Matched and Hunger Games because it has a strong female character that goes against dystopian society, but that's where the similarities end. I'd really appreciate a few comments and replies, thank you so much!


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Wed Sep 08, 2021 1:46 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

Anyway let's get right to it,

In Elysium, you have no freedom. Where you work, what class you will live in and who you will love is all Selected for you by the government. Eighteen-year old Cassiopeia Lorena dreads her final Selection, she knows that she will never be paired with Orion Mastra, her childhood sweetheart, but instead sent to the city. As she awaits an unknown future, Cassiopeia copes with tragic changes as well as startling news. When she finds that nothing is as it seems in an unjust society, she is faced with life changing decisions: Will she choose to fight Elysium or will she agree to abide by the laws?


Hmm, so we have what is essentially a blurb right here, and well this is actually pretty nicely done here, you've captured the essence of a summary like this one quite well. It seems like we have ourselves one of those dystopian future societies where the government ends up separating for reason X and that leads to all sorts of chaos cause one person doesn't like it and well, while I have a read a couple of these, I do like it.

Now, looking at what makes your thing unique here, the biggest thing that's unique to me is the selecting who you love thing, because that is a pretty strong motivator there not to mention that looks like the government is trying to do something selective breeding with humans, which is a really interesting path to walk down...so yeah, as far as that goes, I'd say don't worry too much, cause that is a really interesting idea.

The idea that its just her fighting against a government seems unlikely so I'm assuming there's to be some kind of rebellious group, but then if you do go with just her that'd be another fairly big difference from most stories of this type. It'd be harder to come up with a plot that way, but it will be much more unique. Well, you know from what I glean here, this does seem like something I'd read. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:09 pm
EloquentDragon says...



First of all: this should have been posted in the "Ask An Excerpt" forum, since your new here. :p

Okay so....
goes against dystopian? Huh?
Sounded like city of ember to me...
Anyway, it's a fine idea, but it sounds a little overdone. I would suggest looking for elements that make your idea unique and bringing those out more than the other parts.
Also, this might sound harsh, but it was pretty boring for a summary. What I would suggest it don't give your friends a plot like "bam, bam, bam." Take some creative liscence here. Expand on the MC, give us someone to root for. In fact, don't give them a summary at all to start w/, give them a logline. If they like the logline then you can give them a summary. (I hope you know what a logline/premise is?)

So yeah, anyway.



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ah1705 says...


No, this really helps, thank you! There's a lot of different elements actually from City of Ember; like the main character uses mind control and that she is the only girl from her Parish to be asked to be a guard and that she falls in love with her commander as well as other fun twists and turns.

I will totally try to expand on Cassiopeia, because she is very sarcastic and a bad ass overall. Trying to work on a good log line would really help, I didn't even think about that. Thank you for replying, it's really appreciated!




I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.
— Romans 9:25