I coughed once for God
BY Adrian
I coughed once for God
hoping that He could see my pain.
But a blind man told me,
He is Blind.
I coughed twice for God
hoping that He could hear my pain.
But a deaf man told me,
He is Deaf.
I coughed thrice for God
hoping that He could feel my pain.
But a paralyzed man told me,
He is Paralyzed.
I stopped coughing for God
thinking He hated me.
But a man told me,
He is not a Man.
***Author's Note***
This is a revised version of the first poem I submitted and wrote for YWS. After, several months, I've decided to edit it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Wow, this was very intriguing. I'm not a very religious person, but it sounds like you take pride in your religion and that's pretty awesome!
I really liked how you wrapped everything together in the poem, and then ended it with that amazing last line:
That was my favorite part out of the whole poem.
Great work!
-Ember
Hello again!
You seem to like my reviews so I'll keep coming back to you if you don't mind! Lol!
I loved this piece and to be quite honest, I'd consider getting it published...It could appeal to a massive audience...a religious one of course, but also to people who truly appreciate good poetry...
Try sending it to a few agents and see what they think...I'd love to see what the professional feedback on such a piece is like!
I thought the capitalisation was fantastic...placed emphasis
Despite it only being short, it is really easy to relate to!
Thanks for posting it Adrian!
It is a typo in the PM. Sorry about that.
Your welcome,
Adrian
Good job!
I know I had a Harsh review up before.
I'd like to say I appreciate you PMing me and clearing things up.
This is a quote from you PM, but in your poem they say that god is(blind/deaf/paralyzed)
So, I don't know if one was a typo, or if maybe I'm just still interpreting it wrong.
I never was good at poetry, sorry for the problems.
This was interesting, short, but very interesting.
I myself once thought that in some form. It's rather unfortunate that I did, but it's the truth.
I really didn't find anything wrong with it. I find it just fine as is. I just wanted to let you know when I finished reading it, I took a long pause. Just stared at the screen. It was like a small revelation or something, like this puts my feelings out in words in some strange way.
Anyway, all I can do is praise this piece. So here I am, praising it.
*Praises*
Very interesting how you capatalized certain words, was that intentional? Im guessing it wasn't as you capatalized all the letters in "by". I don't really give a hoot though because I liked it very much anyway.
Very interesting how you capatalized certain words, was that intentional? But I enjoyed it either way.
hmmmm.... what to say. . . I’m not going to go into religion (I say this with great difficulty) and it was very short so there isn’t really a lot to critique, but over all it had a great circular motion! I liked that! it was a very satisfying poem! I just wish it had a happy ending : )