Bawdy Lover
BY Adrian
Touch me on my thigh, please.
Don’t hesitate and resist this pleasure zone.
Caress the smooth and curvy flesh,
and leave no spot undiscovered.
Is it too much to ask for a little compassion?
All I want is lust not love.
Isn’t it easier this way?
No lying or cheating,
just easy fun!
Don’t deny your inhibition,
because I always get what I want.
If you’d, please, touch me on my thigh,
you can leave as soon as you finish.
I won’t scream or resist,
unless you request it.
Be sure to leave the money on the nightstand.
I do so hate to chase.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was forward, and suggestive, raw, which made it true. I like how you built up to the ending. For some reason this made me think Lady Gaga. Anyway, keep up your style, it's very interesting!
As the above, I enjoyed this. ^^
I love this line, but I think it should be more informal than "request"; perhaps "unless you like that" or something. Request is a good word, but I think the speaker wouldn't use that word, it doesn't fit with it, IMO.I'm not incredebly fond of the repetition of "touch me on my thigh" probably because the word thigh is just so strange, and in general I think you could put something else there, instead of completely repeating yourself. Not a big complaint, of course, just a really tiny one.
It really encases the view of the speaker well, and it's such a carelessness too, both about the act and the luring in, giving the feeling that the speaker is empty but for her words. It's not exactly my kind of poetry, but it's still good.
Sorry this review was so useless! Still, I hope it helped.
Hey, I agree with Nate this was a fun, light read. I don't really have any problems with it honestly, aside from that minor contradiction Nate pointed out.
I think there's one too many commas here and you could probably do without all of them, actually. The first one definitely. The more I look at it though, the more I think you could get rid of the 'If you'd' part entirely and just start with 'Please, touch me on my thigh'.
Although, really that seems to be an awkward way to say it. Why not 'touch my thigh'? 'On my' is unnecessary.
The sentence variation is fairly standard and at times, seems halting, with all the one-liners. But I did enjoy this!
Hope that helped,
Cheers
Haha, I like the ending. You hint at it with the title, and in the second and third stanzas, but I didn't fully get it until the end. That fourth stanza adds a nice ending to it.
I found this to be well-done. It flows well, and the subject matter is interesting to say the least. The poem itself comes off as sarcastic, playful, dark, and humorous; which again is an interesting combination.
My one and only gripe is the seeming contradiction between the first and second lines of the second stanza. The speaker says, "Only a little compassion" then says all she wants is "lust not love." Both make perfect sense by themselves in the context of the poem, but they kind of contradict each other when placed together. That is, if she wants a little compassion does that not imply it's not all about lust?
But, it's a small gripe and probably just a personal one. On the whole, I thought this was very well done.