Love Songs on Tattered Sleeves

Hello dear! Here to review.


So... okay, formatting. I see below that you lost your format, so I'll help you with that!

When finding our love was as important as finding ourselves; we would chase our fear through these cold dead streets.
When our voices hadn't yet been heard, our bleeding hearts were our only word.
We would guide ourselves by hindsight, We had no idea where we were going.
And that is how we have found ourselves here.

With your distant stares, and my dreams of how these things should seem.
I wound up losing the truth from the dream.
Striving onward blindly without a goal,
Life cannot make sense inside somebody else's soul.
Where did you go?
Where have I been?

The setting sun is a violent reminder that the only constant in our changing world is the change with which we cannot stop.
We grew away.
The sun sets to make another day,
And you are on your way.
Your hair waving in the wind,
as it carries you off to places you call better.
Places where I simply cannot fit.
And I am not a believer, But I know what I know.
Our hearts were poetic,
with love songs written on our tattered sleeves.

You changed your clothes. I can't be mad at you.

Hey ok so firstly the layout needs to be changed. It is to hard to follow and should be in more of a poem structure. It will simply make for an easier read and I think make it easier to understand. I don't know if you intend it to be like this and if that's the case than I do suggest reconsidering it.
Content wise I like it, it is a nice portrayal of life and love. My favourite line was
[quote]When our voices hadn't yet been heard, our bleeding hearts were our only word. We would guide ourselves by hindsight[quote/]
It is really nicely put and shows how people get through patina and troubles that face them.
Really the only negative thing I have to say is put it in a poetry format whatever type you want just so it is a poem because like I said it's not at the moment.
Keep writing and great job
Nargles xxxx