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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

Hestia's Hearth: Chapter 3, Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

by Zolen


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

The day after, Anna received a letter from Daniel, the tall, balding man she often trained with, telling her that his mercenary group, the Azure Dogs, planned to travel through a few towns. “If you want to tag along, bring all the gear you need, and drag your brother out to the training grounds in three days.” He wrote.

Anna spent the three days buying and preparing food and clothes for herself and Alex before they met up with Daniel and his Azure Dogs mercenary group. He stood at the training grounds with twenty other warriors, both men and women, who were all strong and well equipt in high-quality armor. They all had that blue hair that marked them as part of her family line. Anna had never seen any of them, so she was surprised that Daniel had never mentioned them before since they were all talking to him like they were close friends.

“Ah, here comes the brats!” Daniel yelled, raising his voice so Anna and Alex knew he was talking about them. “Victoria, and Harry. Come on over, your uncle wants to show you off.” He said, his eyes forced on them enough to realize he was talking about them.

“Coming...uh, uncle!” Anna yelled, dragging her brother so that they could move closer faster. ‘Why is he lying?’ Anna thought.

As soon as she got closer, the crowd parted, letting Anna and Alex half-run up to the Daniel.

“Dan’s been bragging about you for a while, little girl, saying you could actually keep up with him as a level one.” A short, long haired man said.

“If you mean me getting beaten up for four hours, then yes, I can stand up to him.” Anna said, frowning slightly.

“Bullshit,” An unusually tall woman in a green hood said. “All a level twenty like him would have to do is gently slap you to turn you into a meat pie, girl and her ‘uncle’ are shitting us.” As harsh as she was, Anna couldn’t help but agree. Levels are a natural measurement of power, something one can only raise by killing other beings of a similar level or higher. The higher someone's level is, the more powerful they are overall. Some can fight people above their level, but that is usually something that only happens in the thirty and up levels, when they can supplement themselves with many skills. Even surviving a single slap would be impressive for a level one human against a level twenty. The only reason she could handle anything at all was because of several skills she developed thanks to always fighting people well above her level.

“That’s why I called you all here instead of the usual meet up at the Vickson Inn.” Daniel said. “Girl, put on your armor and prep yourself like usual.” Deciding to just accept the lie for now, Anna dropped the bag she had been carrying and pushed mana into a gauntlet on her right hand. Light flashed around her as her basic armor appeared along with a sword and shield.

“Ready.” Anna said, shifting her shield forward to protect herself.

“This time, I want you to take about five hits from me.” Daniel smiled when Anna glared at him. “No fancy skills, I am simply going to swing this sword, and you’re going to have to figure out how to stop it from knocking you out. Just keep your stance closed, and you might not impress any whores this time.”

“Just start, old man.” Anna growled at the insult, throwing her sword off to the side, figuring it would be useless for now.

The old warrior grinned, simply taking a step forward and swinging his sword at Anna. A loud clang sounded as Anna used [Charge], forcing herself and her shield into the man’s swing, not only stopping it but forcing his sword back. Anna groaned under the pressure, her shield arm numb. His casual first swing was enough to almost break her arm when she tried to take it on.

“That’s one.” Daniel said, smiling. The crowd yelled, cursing in amazement at such a low level human girl handling even the most gentle of Daniel’s swings. He lifted the sword above his head, a swing that looked like it was relying more on gravity then his own power. Anna didn’t trust it and activated the shield skill [Deflect], trying to push the damage back at him, as well as the body skill [Endure] to protect her arm. Her shield warped from the impact, the loud scream of metal echoing throughout the grounds. She saw his sword stop, but, unlike before, he didn’t get pushed back any. She felt nothing in her arm anymore. She could tell it wasn't broken, but she couldn’t tell much else.

‘It hurts.’ She thought. While her arm was numbed, her entire body otherwise felt that blow; everything from her spine to her feet had been displaced simply by associating with that swing. Something so casual for him felt so deadly to her.

“Two out of the way, girl, just a few more. Let me put a bit of mana into this next one.” Daniel said, laughing. Anna could smell mana in the air- he wasn't using a skill, but he was using what scant mana he had to enforce his limbs. He casually swung to the left, aiming at Anna’s side. This was his first swing that might be called a real attack. Anna used [Deflect], [Enforce], [Charge], and the skill [Mana Drain]- something she learned by pure chance. As the swing hit, she felt her feet sink into the dirt, a strong iron taste hit her tongue. The mana she sapped from the attack was tiny for him, but, for her, it refilled her dwindling supply. While she couldn’t use mana for magic skills like a mage, she could use it in place of stamina to fuel her various skills, to empower her limbs, and to keep her organs settled from the old man’s powerful attacks. As powerful and painful as the attack was, she could feel her arm again. The mana couldn’t heal her, but it was still forcing her back together. Her supply was almost empty again by the time she set herself in order.

“Three down.” The old man laughed. She was sure the crowd was yelling all sorts of things at her, but the pain muted everything except Daniel's voice. She smelled more mana in the air. Gritting her teeth, she used [Charge] before she even saw the blow, using the same skills before she once again used [Charge], doubling her speed. As soon as her shield slammed into his attack, her arm let out a loud crack- it wasn’t broken, but certainly fractured. The mana she stole from the attack was the only thing keeping her arm together, the scream of metal almost deafening her.

While she seemed to have stopped the strike, she was also sent flying, her beaten body somersaulting into the dirt before she finally stopped, groaning on the ground. She wanted to scream, but she didn’t want to be mocked by all these strong warriors around her. After a few seconds in the dirt, she forced her aching body up, the loud clang of metal her only companion as the Azure Dogs group had gone silent. They were starting to wonder if Daniel had been faking his swings, but her nearly broken form told them otherwise.

“Last one, girl, can you handle it?” Daniel asked. The old man had hardly said anything this whole time, but she felt the same burn as his usual insults, like he was mocking her, challenging her.

“Come on.” Anna groaned. She was already running out of mana again, having used everything she stole to steady herself. She would have to force her own stamina into the skills, which would have been fine if she wasn’t already at her limits. The smell of mana grew thicker; his swing became practiced and some effort was put into it. If he was a level one like her, the swing would have been harmless, but this test of endurance proved otherwise. She forced out all of the skills she used before once again, repeatedly activating [Endure] as she [Charge]d at him. The sensation of energy rapidly draining out of her body woke up every ache that she had been trying to suppress. As soon as her shield met the old man’s sword, she felt her shoulder dislocate, the bones in her forearm snapping in half. If it wasn’t for the bindings from the shield, her arm would have bent. She almost blacked out from the pain, but the throbbing of it also kept her awake.

“Good girl.” Daniel laughed. “Harry, get over here.” Alex hesitated to reply to the pseudo name, but he was eager to heal her anyway so he ran over, infusing his mana into the spell skill [Lesser heal], repeatedly using the skill to fix her broken arm as fast as possible.

“So where in the branch are you from? I’d figure a girl like you would be pretty well known.” The green hooded girl from before said, walking over to the siblings, far more respectful after the fight.

“Oh, you know, around.” Anna said, unsure what Daniel had been telling them. She felt something in her arm shift as her brother continued healing her, her broken arm mending itself rapidly.

“That wasn't suspicious at all.” A tall man with a lanky beard said, laughing. “I don’t care where you came from, let sleeping dogs lie. Just hope you’re that impressive when we actually go out fighting monsters.” Anna would have replied but the sensation of her shoulder forcing itself back into place cut her off. She couldn’t figure out why the old man had lied to his group about her, nor why he had forced her to endure all that, but she decided to leave it be for now; at least until they were alone.


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624 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

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Sun Nov 27, 2016 9:47 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Zolen! Casanova here to do another review!

Anyway, this will be short and to the point.

I like your plot somewhat. Like the other one the ending wasn't the best, but I feel like this one has a lot of potential to be better than it is with editing. I know you edit your stuff before you post, but more editing is always welcome.
Your characters are okay, I mean you get there character down well. I really like that. What I don't like is the dialogue. It's simple and emotionless, and I feel like you could benefit from something besides a,"he said," statement. Tried,"he scowled,"while in the middle of talking, instead of the simple he/she statements.

Anyway, that's all for that one. I hope this one has helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Cas




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48 Reviews


Points: 7
Reviews: 48

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Sun Oct 30, 2016 1:27 am
Jyva wrote a review...



i hope that putting their abilities in brackets like this

>[Lesser heal]

is because they're in a game or something, not a "real life" situation...
even then, yeesh. i wouldn't do that. it's tacky. hope you're not writing a Sword Art Online clone.

1. dialogue tagging mistakes. eeeveryone makes them. when a sentence continues after dialogue, use a comma at the end of it, not a full stop. like so.

>“That wasn't suspicious at all.” A tall man with a lanky beard said, laughing.
"That wasn't suspicious at all," a tall man...

ya

2. cliche-ass dialogue and obvious exposition. shouldn't have to point out an example here.

3. you have a habit of describing characters as they're talking.

>“That wasn't suspicious at all.” A tall man with a lanky beard said, laughing.
>I’d figure a girl like you would be pretty well known.” The green hooded girl from before said,

do not do that. it is clunky, it kills the flow of the story.

4. some redudancies. here:

>“This time, I want you to take about five hits from me.” Daniel smiled when Anna glared at him.
>The old warrior grinned,
>“That’s one.” Daniel said, smiling.

friend we already know he's smiling no need to say it two more times




Zolen says...


Harsh as hell phrasing, but thanks for your thoughts.

This story is fantasy based, not some sort of game. The whole [] is because someone suggested it when I was trying to think of some sort of unique highlighter.




Remember the rain that made your corn grow.
— Haitian Proverb