Hestia's Hearth: Chapter 1, Azure Dogs

by Zolen

Published October 17, 2016

18+ Language Violence

In Hestia's Hearth

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

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Two tan-skinned figures stood in a hole of mud and grass, a circular training ground formed from many long years of fighting between the two- one was in shining armor, laughing while the other was gasping for breath, their body and armor covered in blood. This well-worn training ground was utterly unremarkable and often empty except for when these two fought. Their dramatic bouts of ‘training’ often woke up people miles away. As the years dragged on, more and more people showed up to observe the two now-famous warriors.

“Come on, girl, you fight like the deathless. Might as well be impaling yourself on my sword.” The shining armored one said. He was a tall, almost seven foot tall balding man with a strong, hardened form that was covered in scars from countless battles. Blue hair sprouted from his head in what little form it was left, letting off a hint of magical energy on an otherwise normal, if impressively built, warrior. To add on to his odd appearance, he had sharp green eyes.

“I-” The girl said, stopping herself, gasping for another breath. “I-” She gasped again. “Shut up.” She said, finally able to form words. The man she fought laughed, his voice echoing through the crowd. The girl was lithe and rather tall, almost as tall as the man in front of her, and well above most girls her age. Most girls stopped growing in their teens. She was in her twenties and still seemed to be growing, well outpacing her peers and matching some of the tallest men in her family. Beyond that, like the balding man in front of her, she had blue, glowing hair. Unlike the man, her hair was long and flowing about, as if moving under some force other than the wind.

“Ready for another round, or do you want to let that prodigy brother of yours fix you up first?” The shining man asked, pointing into the crowd at a rather small, weak looking boy standing off to the side. Like the two fighters and everyone else in the crowd, he had glowing blue hair, and sharp, green eyes. Although, unlike many others in the crowd, only a small chunk of his hair glowed blue in his otherwise normal brown hair.

The girl laughed, blood splashing on the ground as she pulled a kite shield and a hand-and-a-half sword from the dirt, most of the blood on it her own. “Maybe you should ask him yourself, to make things fair.” What might have been a rather pretty face looked twisted and evil under all that gore, giving her a slightly deranged expression.

She shifted her weight, focusing on a spot in her mind, a skill appearing within titled [Charge]. As soon as she started running, she activated this ability, a relatively normal, if fast, run boosted well beyond what any human could possibly do. Her body became a blur as she closed the distance in seconds, another skill, [Cleave], flashing in her mind as she swung her sword down. The balding man grinned as he lifted, as if from thin air, a tower shield. He shifted his weight into the powerful skill, displacing it through his own power before a sheen covered his body. He laughed again as he pushed her forward, knocking the gore covered girl off her feet.

“You left yourself open, girl.” The balding man laughed.

“You just keep laughing.” She said, climbing back to her feet, the crowd of people cheering at the display of skills, abilities beyond normal humans. The girl warrior charged forward under her own power before she threw her shield, surprising the audience and the balding man. She then pushed on with the skill [Charge], her body becoming a blur as she shot past him. While still shooting past she somehow rotated herself, giving her clear room to stab at his back, which she quickly attempted, only to find a sword at her throat.

“Close one, but now you’re wide open again. I’ve see whores keep it closed more than you, girl.” The bald man laughed as the girl jumped back.

“Shut up.” She groaned, picking up her kite shield again. She was about ready to use the skill [Charge] again when a light started to shine over her. She glanced to her right to see her brother glowing slightly, a sign of using magic. “I don’t want to be healed, Alex.” The girl said.

“But Anna-” The girl named Anna used [Charge], quickly leaving the range of his magic.

“Sure about that, girl? Pretty face like yours might end up looking like mine if you leave it like that.” The bald man said, grinning.

After an hour of fighting, Anna finally blacked out. Alex rushed over to heal her, the skill [Lesser Heal] activating in his mind, the sensation of mana draining from his body telling him that it had worked perfectly. He kept using the skill, repeatedly, until he couldn’t feel the draw of mana anymore, his magic, his mana, seemed empty, cutting off his ability to use healing magic. But since he couldn’t be sure, he intentionally lost focus, his vision blurring until he could no longer see in front of him, a massive, grid like, screen of data obscuring his vision.

In it listed his name, Alexander Roberta, age, seventeen, his class, healer, and two bars that represented how much he could be hit and how much mana he had left, marked HP and MP. These Game-like abstracts that had existed in their world for so long that nobody questioned it. As he had expected, his mana had been drained to zero and likely wouldn’t refill for several hours. Since his sister was too weak to move, Alex pulled a pillow from his clothes, laying it under her head. He started bringing a pillow every time she trained, her habit of fighting until she was knocked unconscious mixed with her heavy armor forced him to think of alternative ways to help her.

“Sorry, I ran out of mana” He whispered after he was done, Anna groaning in reply. While this was going on, the balding warrior started yelling, forcing the crowd to leave. While he was fine with people watching the training, he never much liked people crowding around afterwards. After a few minutes of pushing the field became silent, the training grounds was empty, only the siblings and the bald warrior left.

“At this rate, you’ll become a master healer just by dealing with your sister. Brat really loves the dirt.” The bald warrior said, laughing.

Anna tried to push herself up, failing several times before she gave up. “Once I get up, I’ll make you eat dirt, old man.”

After a few seconds of silence the balding warrior seemed to remember something, “Oh, right, since you have all the basic skills down I figured I might want to ask you if you wanted to join my mercenary group now. Need a few more members if we want to take on any big jobs. The Azure Dogs already have a reputation set, so it’d be easy money.”

Anna felt healing magic flow through her as she pushed herself up, her brother taking advantage of that single point of mana in him to heal her a little further. She looked over at him before saying, “Rather not leave Alex by himself.”

“The brat’s going to be taken care of even if you leave. Fuck, in a few years they’re gonna heal the poison in him. If you want to live long enough to hang around him, you're going to need the money to heal yourself.” The balding man said, pointing at his own thinning hair. “That glow of yours is worse than mine.”

“Of course it is, you don’t have any hair.” Anna said, laughing a bit before she fell back on the pillow Alex gave her. “There’s no way I could make enough money to cure anything on me. Not in the time I have left.” Anna pulled at a strand of her own hair, a glowing reflection of mana poisoning. It was a sign of her family line- an inheritance that slowly kills anyone who can't afford the cure.

“You should have a good 20 more years on you.” The man said, shrugging.

“You know what we’re planning.” Anna said. “If you don’t want us to, you can just snitch.”

“As much as I bag on the deathless, I can’t really hate a good line of warriors.” He said, groaning a little. “I can’t blame you for wanting to join them.”

“Adventures only really die of old age, so even if I can’t find a cure, it should be fine,” Anna said, pushing herself up. “And if Alex comes with me, the family can’t abuse him.”

“You know they won’t.” The warrior said.

“Ha,” Anna said, clearly not laughing. “Ask Alex how many powerful nobles our parents have tried to marry him off to. I used to think that was a girl-only thing. First healer in the family, and they’re using him for politics.”

“Luckily I’m not rare enough for any of them to care about for that sort of thing.” Alex muttered.

“Even if none of those noble families answer, mom and dad are still going to try to sell him off to someone. It’s the only thing I can think of.” Anna said, closing her eyes.

“Fine, at least let me and the dogs take you over to the tower of Anemoi, proper send off for my first student.” The warrior said, waiting a little bit before he realized that she fell asleep.


“I think Anna would be fine with that.” Alex said.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Junel
Review
Junel wrote a review Review · Oct 21, 2016

Hey there! What a wonderful story!

Ok well, let's get the boring stuff over with first.

Grammatical Etc. errors:

figures stood in a trench of mud and grass, a circular training

Although this is great vocabulary wise trench just doesn't seem to fit, it's more of a dug down vertical line.
the two- one was in

You should just end the sentence and begin a new one after two.
Might as well be impaling yourself on my sword.”

On sounds strange with would be better.
He was a tall, almost seven foot tall balding man with a strong, hardened form that was covered in scars from countless battles. Blue hair sprouted from his head in what little form it was left, letting off a hint of magical energy on an otherwise normal, if impressively built, warrior. To add on to his odd appearance, he had sharp green eyes.

Love this description, but a little editing to make it clearer and run a little smoother won't hurt :)

Now Character, Plot, Description:

You are developing your characters and plot wonderfully no complaints here. Your descriptions are also wonderful, but its just visual stuff added in some more sounds can make a piece of writing that much better. Maybe the swords are clanging? Just one idea.

I hope that I'll see some more of this story!

Sláinte -Junel

Zolen replied · Oct 21, 2016

Took your grammar suggestions into consideration. As for the on, and with thing, that would change the meaning of sentence.

Spoiler
The guy is making a sex joke, while also saying she risk jumping into the enemies weapon given how she fights.


Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions.

User avatar
VintageCola
Review
VintageCola wrote a review Review · Oct 18, 2016

I REALLY love the unorthodox magic system that you have going on in this story. I've played World of Warcraft for a long time and I was really perplexed in the beginning about the whole [Charge] and [Cleave] parts of the fight scene. I usually do this in my stories as well: I introduce the magic system through a common application of it without any explanation, much like how Kelsier in the "Mistborn" series "burns Tin" in the prologue and then 5 chapters later explains to a rookie magic user how this new magic system, known as Allomancy (the burning of metals to gain supernatural powers) works. Anyway, the RPG element in this was really fascinating to read and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I can imagine this being a sort of coming of age story, to be honest. Anna must find some way to raise the money to cure herself and her brother's mana poisoning by joining the Azure Dogs mercenary group. It would be difficult, but she manages to raise her level and even best the man she fought on the training grounds, proving her worth.
Then, when she is of a higher level, some dramatic stuff can happen later on that will require all the strength and skills Anna has earned through those years of hard training.

I'm sorry, I might be getting carried away. These are merely suggestions, I don't mean to restrict you to a specific path for your character to follow. :)

As for your word choice and grammar, there's really nothing much to correct. What I would suggest, however, is reading a lot. If not reading then getting audiobooks to listen to in your car (I use audible, personally). Reading/Listening to lots of fantasy novels by famous authors (I'm currently listening to that Mistborn book by Brandon Sanderson) really serves me well in choosing the proper words to use in the right contexts when I write stories of my own.

Anyway, I hope you appreciate my suggestions and compliments. I urge you to continue writing, Zolen, for the only way to improve your writing is to keep doing it!

Zolen replied · Oct 21, 2016

Thank you for your thoughts.



All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe