Hey there Zackymas. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
Sorry it took me so long to get here but I was busy with school and some other review requests. The grammar and spelling of poems is often stylistic so if I correct anything that was just your style, tell me.
There is a special formatting you need to do on poems if you want to separate the stanzas. For the first three lines you can make smaller line shifts by pressing down [Shift+Enter]. Then when you want to create a new stanza, just use [Enter]. If you need anymore help with that just PM me and I'll try and find the forum post on it.
I think the best way would to go by sets of lines and try and figure out where you meant for the thoughts to end. Again please correct me at any time if my placement is off. Also note, anything in red is something I added to correct a mistake.
Oh gold, sweet, sweet gold.
Wait.
Actually no.
Importance?Value? Yes.
I just snipped a couple of things to make the lines flow better together.
What it’s saved within
The heart’s chest.
That’s what we lurk for.
It’s yours, I know, I know.
If you want caps at the beginnings of some lines, you have to keep it consistent. The same goes for punctuation at the end of line.
But sooner or later,
It will not be so.
Oh gold, sweet gold,
Gems, coins, jewelry,
Maybe something… cold.
Oh, who am I cheating?
That shimmering glimpse,
Her blinding light.
It’s everything I want.
Is it in your pocket?
Maybe thechest?
Perhaps in the puppet?
Or that night table aside your bed?
It does not matter,
For I will make my way through
Even persuade a few barters.
Will I have to get my hands ‘dirty’?
Or pick your petty lock?
Perhaps it sounds tricky,
But trust me, it is not.
The poem is of course about a thief that wants a certain piece of glimmering jewelry(?) very badly. He's contemplating how to get it and where it's location might be. This was a very interesting poem and you certainly set a dark mood.
Well that's about all I have for this review. Sorry that I couldn't offer any more words of advice/comments, that is depending on how you take them.
Have a nice day.
Lizzy
Queen of the Book Clubs
I need some new catchphrase to say down here. Suggestions? PM me.
MkII will definitely see that :3 Well the poem is actually part of an in-story book called 'The Thieves' Creed', which is some sort of... commandments for thieves, it's meant to represent that a thief will (almost) always do what they do for money, they could steal personal things like love letters and stuff, but they most likely do so with the objective of gaining money. And well I'm not that of a 'happy go lucky' person so writing in a not-dark/serious mood is kinda hard for me :p
sorry if this poem brought you some harsh memories ;~;
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