To lay down my sword,
It’s not the same as giving up.
To let my axe be broken,
Will not let me powerless.
~~
Maybe you think I say this to appear hard
Or because wielding more weapons is something we can,
But that is not the case,
Neither is something regarding faith.
~~
To let my spear deep into the enemy’s heart,
Does not mean I will let the others be my bend.
To shove my shield away,
It is not the same as giving myself to the clay.
~~
It is that for I was sworn,
For the moon-forged steel,
The relentless honor that in me sprung,
It is what in my heart marked a seal.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey there, Zackymass!!
) Your imagery was breathtaking, and I will admit I have a thing for warrior-kind of stories--or, in this case, poem. There's just something about the way you wrote it that hooked me immediately, and I see so much potential!! Seriously, you were just marvelous with it!
I think you chose your words perfectly.

Writer1204 here for a review!
This was really nice! (This seems to be a late review... Haha, I hope you don't mind, but it was simply too good for me not to comment!
Hope you have a nice day/night and keep on writing!
Sincerely, Writer1204.
No problem, all kind of feedback is appreciated

Thanks for the review
Hi Zackymas,
I had real trouble reading this :/ the structure of the lines is too bumpy, if that makes sense, the words get caught in your mouth. I had to re-read most of it as I was going.
I get the impression that the individual is saying that's he's stronger than the weapons he wields. That showing mercy isn't a sign of weakness. If that's right? I like it. But as I said above it was hard to follow smoothly because of the structure.
For example:-
To lay down my sword,
It’s not the same as giving up.
To let my axe be broken,
Will not let me powerless.
Should it be "Will not let me be powerless." ?
Try reading it out loud and don't force the rhymes. My favourite line is "...giving myself to the clay." That's a cool line.
I like the theme, I think it could have done with a few more verses though. Flesh it out a bit.
Keep Writing,
LMJ
I liked the good poetic embrace of your subject. The words are picked right. I loved how it's a unique piece. The allegory and metaphor is right and so is the description in a poetic hail. I would love to read more of your work.
I liked the good poetic embrace of your subject. The words are picked right. I loved how it's a unique piece. The allegory and metaphor is right and so is the description in a poetic hail. I would love to read more of your work.
I liked the good poetic embrace of your subject. The words are picked right. I loved how it's a unique piece. Thew ording is right.
Hi Zackymas, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

I don't really know what this line means and when I was reading the poem, it really stood out as a forced rhyme.Theme: I really like the medieval theme you had running through the poem. It was an interesting twist to a poem that I haven't seen yet on YWS. The comparisons to the weapons really gave the poem an overall gritty feeling.
Rhythm: I was really happy to find that you had a rhyme scheme in your poem. Rhymes if done well help with the flow of the poem and overall enhance the poem. On the whole your rhymes were great, but there was one rhyme that felt force to me though.
Description: The description in your poem was great. I could feel the emotion behind the words and the words were also quite descriptive.
Title: Not many reviewer comment on the title even though it is one of the most important things in writing. it's the thing that going to convince your reader to click on your work. I found your title intriguing and it went perfectly with the whole rustic medieval feel.
Grammar and Punctuation: There was only two grammar problems that I found. I think it would make more sense if you wrote it
This line didn't really flow very well. I think if you made it like this it'll sound better.
Overall it was a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.
Hey there, thanks for the review
Also, I don't want to come out as bothersome but, my other works are all set in medieval/fantasy settings and you could check them to see more of my work, a review over there would be really appreciated 
"It is not the same as giving myself to the clay." I meant giving up; clay is a form of dirt, the expression in simpler words would mean falling to the ground.
"It's what's in my heart that marked the seal"/ It is what in my heart marked a seal."
Certainly it does sound better, but it doesn't mean the same. What suggest directly inverts the meaning of the verse. I meant that something left a mark in my heart, while what you write means my heart left a seal on something (Or that's just how I see it).
Thanks again for the review and I'll proofread again the areas pointed out
Sure. I'll have a look.