Young Writers Society

Hey there, Zackymass!!
Writer1204 here for a review!

This was really nice! (This seems to be a late review... Haha, I hope you don't mind, but it was simply too good for me not to comment! ) Your imagery was breathtaking, and I will admit I have a thing for warrior-kind of stories--or, in this case, poem. There's just something about the way you wrote it that hooked me immediately, and I see so much potential!! Seriously, you were just marvelous with it! I think you chose your words perfectly.

Hope you have a nice day/night and keep on writing!

Sincerely, Writer1204.

Hi Zackymas,

I had real trouble reading this :/ the structure of the lines is too bumpy, if that makes sense, the words get caught in your mouth. I had to re-read most of it as I was going.

I get the impression that the individual is saying that's he's stronger than the weapons he wields. That showing mercy isn't a sign of weakness. If that's right? I like it. But as I said above it was hard to follow smoothly because of the structure.

For example:-

To lay down my sword,

It’s not the same as giving up.

To let my axe be broken,

Will not let me powerless.

Should it be "Will not let me be powerless." ?



Try reading it out loud and don't force the rhymes. My favourite line is "...giving myself to the clay." That's a cool line.

I like the theme, I think it could have done with a few more verses though. Flesh it out a bit.

Keep Writing,

LMJ

I liked the good poetic embrace of your subject. The words are picked right. I loved how it's a unique piece. The allegory and metaphor is right and so is the description in a poetic hail. I would love to read more of your work.

I liked the good poetic embrace of your subject. The words are picked right. I loved how it's a unique piece. The allegory and metaphor is right and so is the description in a poetic hail. I would love to read more of your work.

I liked the good poetic embrace of your subject. The words are picked right. I loved how it's a unique piece. Thew ording is right.

Hi Zackymas, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Theme: I really like the medieval theme you had running through the poem. It was an interesting twist to a poem that I haven't seen yet on YWS. The comparisons to the weapons really gave the poem an overall gritty feeling.

Rhythm: I was really happy to find that you had a rhyme scheme in your poem. Rhymes if done well help with the flow of the poem and overall enhance the poem. On the whole your rhymes were great, but there was one rhyme that felt force to me though.

It is not the same as giving myself to the clay.

Will not let me powerless.

Will not leave me powerless.

It is what in my heart marked a seal.

It's what's in my heart that marked a seal.