Published August 10, 2011
.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Locked by author's request!
I love this!!!!!!
Ok first I would like to say a state of mind helps in poetry and you have that so the poem was excellent decribe in great detail and you can tell whan writer put his/her heart, soul into their work.Because poetry is like a gold if you put your passion into it , it will shine and reader love people who put everything to make what the poem is.And to send a message to what their trying to say and if there trying to make point in their life.keep writing
Okay, so the DramaLlama grasped most faults and flaws and also alot of the things that was good with this.
I don't agree with her on how she wanted you to change the first stanza, I like the structure of it, there were a few lines that should be shortened down to ease the flow though but overall - it was good. I also like you great use of descriptive words and you use great imagery. So, my impression of this can be summoned with the word; Pretty Awesome!
I'll give you 4/5 neat little spiders
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
I'm not big on the setup of this. It seems a little too chunky. maybe..
I have chosen.
to take the right path,
Live life,
with fewer mistakes committed.
Avoid doing most obvious wrong things,
But misleading surroundings,
are leading me astray.
They are these braggarts,
Insulting my intelligence
With filthy, misleading advices.
Badgering me into doing their will.
Boasting about how clever they are.
That seems to flow better to me.
What is that?
I like the this is indeed a game part.
The title of this poem is Chosen path Call me crazy, but I think that should be slipped somewhere in there.
Good job though. I like the message, and it speaks volumes to me, in the way that the MC is trying to convey the right not the wrong.
Congrats! I really liked it!
~drama