Everyday we have the desire to do something new.
We want to change our ways during our ordinary days to be something great and unique. Somehow, a few can create this change in a way or another. But, it's not enough in most of the cases.
What we really want is to be part of a story. Be the protagonist of such story. We want someone to appear and tell us, "You have a hidden power to save the world." or something alike to make your destiny something of great influence.
But, this is not how it works. No one would be appear in your normal life and tells you that.
Or so I thought.
"Human, thou art choosen to be a hero."
While I was in the middle of cleaning the classroom, a certain someone appeared.
"My name is Yggdrasil, one of the goddess that governs thou world."
At first, everybody wouldn't belive that this woman-Yggdrasil is a god, but I have a reason to.
She's floating in the open space of chairs and desks of the classroom and there's a faint light comming from her back.
"I am a messenger from the skies to deliver thou quest."
Also, Yggdrasil not look like a commom person. She's wearing a white tunic with strange symbols on the borders. Her dark-green long hair loose on the back with two-braiding on the front.
"A wicked and villainous evil had been reborn into the world. Only those who had been choosen by the God may bestow a power from the Old Era and fight againts such evil."
Her eyes also shares the same color as the hair, giving a mature and respectable gaze when they open towards you.
It's finnaly here the momment that everyone is hoping for. The change to have one unique and personal destiny just for yourself.
"Human! Rejoice! Thou art one of the few choosen for this power! One worth of being called a hero for your era!"
The more one hears it, the more anxious they become. I can't deny that this is a one-time life offer.
"The journey will not be easy to travel upon, but, fear not! Because I, Yddrasil, will be the one to guide thee towards it and will not abandon thee on such times!"
Many people think "Is this really happening to me?" or "Am I worth of such destiny?". "Can I finnaly be a protagonist of my own history?". Nobody can jugde them for thinking about this if this happens right in from of your eyes.
"Now! Choose, human! Do thou want to be part of this history?! To be the one who gives hope on this times of despair?! To be the one of the names that will be remember towards years to come?! Answer to me..."
But, I prefer to think about another thing on those times...
"Sasaki Hiro!"
Why do I need to be involved with such protagonists?!
"Hm...Yggdrasil-san..."
"Hm?"
"I don't know to say it, but...you made a mistake."
"Huh!"
"You see, my name is Noriko Nomaru but everyone calls me by my given name. I switched with Hiro for the cleaning duties today. But, fear not! I know where is he! If you go to the arcade, you may still catch him before it closes."
Since it's afternoon, the closing time for the arcade is almost coming for the week.
"Well, I wish you good luck on this journey but please don't bother me again,"
I finish my sentence with a innocent smile on the face and return to clean the classroom.
The goddess only watched me cleaning it for a while with her mouth twitching in silence. And then-
"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"
"Hey! Don't shout in the school!"
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
I like it!! It's funny!!
Hey there Yimfor. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
I just came across your story on my quest through the green room. It's great that you already have one good review because my review will get your piece on its way. Well I guess I should probably shut up now and get on with my points.
I'm a bit confused on how you formatted this story because the current arrangement, does not connect any of the ideas. Every line break causes for a new thought, even if you didn't mean to do it. I think you need to combine some of these lines into bigger paragraphs, just so that the reading of it doesn't sound so funky. One place that I know you can assemble together for sure without many changes is in a quote below.
In the quote below, I also corrected a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes you had. I struck out the incorrect things and corrected them in red. Just thought you should know the reason for them.
-Something that I think you misused a lot, was the use of a comma after 'but'. Usually commas after 'but' are used in the middle of sentences. It looks and sounds funny in this current format. It may be right but I can't be sure of that. Consider seeking out someone who specializes in these types of reviews.
-I also liked your introduction because it was so accurate at comparing fiction to real life. Real life heroes never get the warning that they have some destiny or even the knowledge they will eventually be heroes.
I think a large part of this review will be correcting grammar and spelling mistakes because frankly your piece is riddled with them. It gives me the idea, that English is probably not your first language. But correct me if that assumption is wrong.
-I believe you meant to say "Human, thou art chosen to be a hero."
I think you may get the gist at this point of all of the mistakes I'm pointing out. It's a repetition of the same exact error over and over again in different forms. I'd recommend using some form of spellcheck, whether you use word or google docs.
Overall I did sort of like your story for its comedic elements. It was really hard to read through because of all of the mistakes, so could you please try and proofread better. I wish you good luck in continuing this novel because it sounds like a lot of fun.
Have a nice day.
Happy RevMo.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs
Hello there, Queen. Good afternoon. I would like to express my thanks towards your review about my work. It really made me realize some mistakes and another sugestions to make the better of my story.
I also feel pleased that you like it, and just like you said, english is not my first language, that only means that your advices to use the spellcheck to be more valuable. I will use on the chapther one for those grammars mistakes here and there.
Deeply thanks for everything and please take care of me from now on.
-Yimfor.
uguuu~
Hey, I'm here to leave a quick review.
This prologue excels in being humorous without trying too hard, which is a huge plus for you. The event is unfolded naturally, and Noriko's innocent character is one of the factor that contributes to the humour with the way he reacts to the goddess. I think you have succeeded on making me like him, which is crucial if you want readers to engage in the reading, and the fact that he's not going to be your typical hero that yells, "Nakama power!" is refreshing. Even the goddess's reaction to his reaction is funny.
I love the timing, it's just perfect for the comedic punch. I don't think the ellipses are (...) necessary, however, because it doesn't seem to me like the sentence is incomplete, which is what ellipses are for.
Also, I would like to touch on the technical stuffs. Typos are small errors that can affect the story in big ways. I can see some of them here: 'commum' should be spelled as 'common', while the plural form of sky is 'skies', not 'skys'. I would suggest you to reread this. From the place setting, I'm sure this is set in Japan, and can I assume you come from there too? Nevertheless, it would be nice if you take a look at your piece again and search for these errors.
Also, never used ? with !. ?! does have a place in comic, but it doesn't have one in literary. You either give a question or exclaim. If you want to indicate the person is questioning while exclaiming, describe to us as so, without putting together these marks.
Lastly, I suggest you to add in more description in the novel. You nail the humour part as well as the character part, but you're lacking in the setting part. Noriko is in the class, so describe what it looks like there. Depending on the country it is in, a classroom in your novel might be different with the one I have in mind, and the juxtaposition of images would make readers interested to know what more is new, and how much info about culture you can show to us.
Anyway, that is all! Keep up the good job!
First of all, thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate for the help you had done when you wrote it. I already changed the errors you mencioned, and I hope to not let it this experience go away.
But, I am sorry. I am not from Japan, but from Brazil. I do have some knowlegde of Japan, but nothing that was learned from there tho.
Also, I do like to describe the location of my story to the fullest to create an image for the reader, but I think I can`t do it very well in the prologue since I decided to make it small and fast.
Rest asure! I will do it in the future chapthers to make a image for the readers.
Then again, thank you for reviewing my work. I will continue to make it a better job in the next time!