Young Writers Society

Hi, I found this really interesting to read - quite controversial XD.. but interesting as a topic.

I feel like the way you've written this poem is quite rhythmic and I like the way you've used rhyme too - that kept it flowing.

I also like some of the light hearted humor added like "and it's been a while." or "burns my eyes" - that made me snigger a bit.

Furthermore, your use of rhetorical questions made the poem more personal to you - clearly showing off your opinion to the reader. So well done.

At the same time though I don't really agree with what you've written . I feel like if you don't want to wear "booty shorts" as you've called them then that's up to you. But I don't feel you should slate people that do - who's to say their motive is always boys? I agree sometimes, but ya know I'm a girl and I like to wear things that show off my figure because that's how I feel most confident. Not a personal attack on you- just saying .

So maybe I feel you could of shown a few of the positives/ arguments for wearing booty shorts but then sort of persuaded us as a reader why you disagree. Because with both arguments and both sides to the scenario I feel like it would've been more relatable as to where you are coming from - but that's just my opinion .

But ya know, I like how interesting this was and it was really intriguing to see your view point on it - I respect it but don't agree. I'd definitely love to read more of your poems if they were to involve opinions on certain topics because they way you write is really intriguing .

Hope I could help


-Lauren

I know you said in an earlier message to cut these off but I am just now reading this for the first time and was apparently missing something huge. So I'm sorry but I feel like I almost have to reply to this.
It was down right amazing! It was satirical and beautiful. Anyone who has posted against this are going against the whole point of this site because it's not creative critisism they are trying to give its just them feeling the need to show how offended they are. If we can't write about our opinions and that is mostly what we all write about than what's the point of having this site. We shouldn't feel afraid to post things for fear out opinions will get bashed on. We write what we feel and we should publish it. The poem is so true and I love he rhymes behind it too. Absolutely a work of pure genius and thank you for writing it.

Oh, I agree with your viewpoint completely. I don't even think you were rude, I love satire. The rhymes were amazing, and they made me laugh too. Loved it, good work

Well, It's been about 3-4 days, and this has gone really well!
Thank you all for your input, and for all of the support/likes.
Really appreciated!
But I think I should lock this, considering that it has over 60 comments, so other stuff can be reviewed, viewed, and featured. Most of the stuff I hear in regards to improvement are just repetitions of past reviews, and seeing as I won't really alter anything else, I should wrap this up.
Thanks!

-Jojo

Thanks for your vented viewpoint.
I understand your distress, but don't let it bother you so much.
( calm down, breathe, dear don't hurt yourself.)
Life goes on!

Cheer up;)
Thanks!

I agree with MeanMrMustard and BehindTheMask here. The rhymes are forced, the spoilers are damn unnecissary (excuse my french) and the viewpoint is notonly offensivly controversial but moot point. Whoo hoo, you think booty shorts suck. Great for you. I know we have freedom of speech but is there really a point to this poem? Im especially not fond of your comments on things like cellulite aand dry skin. Who are you to judge? I bet you got yourself some cellulite and dry skin to. I mean, this isnt even about hating booty shorts. This is about hating those who wear them. So what? Are YOU the one wearing them? Get over it. Hate to say it, but i know women who use booty shorts for buisness. To make a freaking living. You know othat is? Hookers, strippers, and prostitutes. And you cant judge them either. Some women are forced to do it, and if they dojt make the money they get beat. All in all, your poem was shallow. Lacking. Certainly not insightful. And the rhyming is way to forced, which emphadises the blunt flatness. Soorrrrry. I hate it.

And who are you to make a poem based entirely on opinion then tell us we cant put our own? Sounds downright hypocritical.

I completely agree with the message you have encoded.
Nice poem, it made me laugh...and think of a few people as well.

-Brie

*Laughs and smiles* I love this poem. You've relayed a message some people need to know in a hilarious way. Keep up the great work. You are really talented!

LOL. Hilarious I love it

Hi,

Personally, while I find this somewhat true and relateable, I find this very rude and offensive. I think mayne you should have worded it differently. While I am not overweight, I do know there are probably some overweight women who hav more than likely read this and might have been offended. Although, that's just my thoughts. Otherwise, i think you wrote this considerably well. Good job.

Farewell,
A.

I love this poem. It is so funny yet so true.

Loved this poem, it was a very creative way to rant. Yet it was poetic and beautiful Haha I'm not going to say that I've never worn short shorts but definitely never in public Thanks for posting, this piece made me laugh!
Peace,
Snickerdooly

I loved the rhymes, made me smile. Because the message is true down to the grain, or the atom, or whatever. I love it, like it, keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This poem is so friggin great. It is great. I can see what annapapadimitriou123 was saying, but I seriously think that girls who wear those shorts are wearing them for all the wrong reasons and desperately need to read this poem to set them straight. I mean, between attracting all the wrong guys, alienating and disgusting girls (people of your own gender), and just plain over-exposing your own body, you'd think girls would kind of stop wearing those stupid things. The booty shorts, I mean. They make shorts that are between butt cleavage and knee lengths okay, ladies? It's not like this is your only option -- you can still show off your sexy legs without practically mooning everyone walking behind you.

Anyway. I really didn't think I was that passionate about this issue until I read your awesome poem haha.

One little nitpick I had was that I felt like the rhythm was a little odd sometimes, like if you had dropped a word from a line it would have flowed better. Here's an example:

The fact that you love them, or the fact that I hate them?
We'd all be better off if you just burned them or ate them

I loved the message and how you incorporated humor in the poem. It was well written, or at least some of it was. Some lines sounded a little forced, but it was really great overall. Your use of rhymes was great. My favorite line of the poem was:

I know that you want to keep up with the "style",
but those are a size six.. and it's been a while...

#8040BF ">I loved your poem! It totally relates to society today and what young girls perceive as "good style." The only part that I had a hard time understanding was the part where you describe wearing the shorts as a sin. Maybe if you have another stanza that follows the one mentioning the Sin it can help readers understand it more clearly. Good job though!

HAHA!!! I thought this was hilarious!!! And of someone who sees this all the time in my school, i can totally relate. But i don't wear those types of clothing myself. My mother would kill me XD Good luck and Keep Writing!!!

Qoh16

Dude. Best. Ever. Love it!

Hilarious!!!! I found this genuinely funny and extremely refreshing. You put what everyone is thinking into a great snappy poem. Very nice job. I totally agree with the message you're sending with this poem. You deserve every 'like' you got and you will most defiantly be getting one from me, I just wish there was a 'love' button!!!
Keep up the good writing ~Dragongirl

I also think the 'black woman attitude' bit is offensive.

Anywho, sorry if I seemed rude or harsh, but, put simply, I just didn't like it much.

Okay, in a nutshell?

Cute.

But that's about it. To me, it seems pretty egotistical that you speak so judgementally against a LOT of people simply because of the clothing they wear. I also think the term "booty shorts" is pretty trashy and not at all poetic. And the spoilers and picture? Distracting and unnecessary. I also think the 'black woman attitude' bit is offensive.

It also feels like almost every single rhyme in this poem is extremely forced.

First stanza:

Girl, take off those booty shorts.
They're not built to look cute, they're made for sports.

Those cellulite bumps-they burn my eyes...

The fact that you love them, or the fact that I hate them?
We'd all be better off if you just burned them or ate them...

Or at least lotion-up if you exhibit your thighs.
Moisturize, please- preserve all our eyes.

Many people seem to have an issue with the fact that I "liked" my own poem...
Was that so wrong?

Sincerely. I "liked" it because I actually liked it. Pure honesty-not pomposity.
Not to bump it up or anything.....

Sorry if that offends any of you.

In the immortal words of my brother: "Shorts shouldn't be so short you can see the pockets."

Hi Jojo.

The least you could do, if you want to write a "humorous" simple AB rhyme poem, is to actually make it rhyme.

Your incredibly forceful rhyme is rampant through this entire piece, let's look at these lines:

The fact that you love them, or the fact that I hate them?
We'd all be better off if you just burned them or ate them...

Or at least lotion-up if you exhibit your thighs.
Moisturize, please- preserve all our eyes.

Oh my gosh! I love this! I loved the diction, the imagery. and the overall style of it! I think more people should read this...
Loved the descriptions! I was a little confused about certain breaks and the dashes/hyphens everywhere...
All the wrong people wear booty shorts -_-" lol It is a really unusual topic for poetry, I guess, but these days everyone writes poetry about anything. Awesome job!

I am so offended how could you I will never forgive this ever you evil person.


Just kiddin' I laughed, a lot. Reminds me of a poem I wrote, 'P.E.M.B.A.S.' no, I haven't posted it. Maybe I will now. (and for the record, booty shorts for the win.)

I love this poem! I wasn't exactly sure what to expect when I saw the title "Booty Shorts," but I decided to give it a try anyway. I'm very glad that I did!

I thought that your rhyme scheme and the flow of your poem worked very well. It flowed in a fun, upbeat kind of way.

I also liked the main idea of the poem. I completely agree that some people need to cover up more skin than they do. And you expressed your opinion in a fun, creative way.

Keep up the good work!

Hahaha I love it, please keep writing! This is funny and true.

I know you have had a lot of reviews but I just wanted to tell you that I found this poem really funny and so true Keep it up

Haha-lol. That's fine with me.
Funny, actually.
I knew you'd probably say something of the sort, so I'm not at all shocked.
( you really should read my spoiler...)

I'm glad with the end product, an I'm having fun.
...and I believe that's all that matters, thank you.


---------------
Thanks for all the reviews and feedback, you guys!
It means a lot.

-Jojo

Opinion pieces matter as much as youtube videos that scream some ideology at you with a vitriolic sense of self importance. What's the art about this? You're criticizing the entire way through because you don't like something other people do. Well we're awfully glad you shared that important view of yours with us, next time we'll actually try to write a poem that isn't steeped in its own ignorance that's its showing something exterior to the world when in reality it could not detach from the interior of the writer if it begged so.

The only form of poetry this is close to is Slam, but this is hardly Slam. This is a farcical attempt at rhyming which obviously shows you tried to write each line to rhyme, thus your ideas and thoughts become these machine made, half bit creations to fit a narrow drink of water. Was there anything in this poem that didn't fall into pre-pubescent lack of awareness of the world? I began to pity the fool who wrote this because they cannot seem to understand anyone who doesn't "act right" by their opinion.

See your poetry is a reflection of who you are as a person, same as it is for everyone. And this poem shows me someone whose not ready to seriously write. Sure, you can play with rhymes, but children learn to do that at five years of age. Nice try, but this is another example of runaway likes. I guess if you want a feeling of popularity you can keep that bittersweet taste, you sure won't get serious attention though.

fwiw: I like all fashion. I think those shorts look damn fine on some people.

Funny! It flows pretty good, and I like the rythmic devices! Awesome job.

JoJo,
I really, really, really, really loved this poem. It was hysterical (and yes, I clicked 'like')!
However, I agree with RangerHawk that the lotion couplet should definately go, because you're throwing off the whole meaning of the work. I really like the 'make a prist swear' couplet, and I know this is really irrelevant, but it reminds me when someone challenged me to write a rap about whole wheat, and one of my first rhymes was:

"Fresh baked, from the oven,
Made with all yo mama's lovin'"

Well, this poem really made my day. Great job, and keep writing.
-Alex

This was great!
A fantastic message given in a very humorous way, this made me smile a lot.
My only nitpick: I think the line "What's worse?" breaks up the flow of the poem a little.
Maybe it could be; "What's worse? The fact that you love them or that I hate them?" all in one line, and it would flow bit better.
Overall, this is a seriously good poem- you should be immensely proud and keep writing!

Love it, love it, love it!!! It was so funny (and true)! Good job with this one. You definitely made a laugh out of something that's daily and\or annoying. I absolutely adore the first line - totally grabbed my eye. Pat yourself one the back

The only line that was a bit problematic was:

The fact that you love them, or the fact that I hate them?
We'd all be better off if you just burned them or ate them...

I just wanted to thank you all for your support and reviews!
I really appreciate it!

-Jojo

Um, this cracked me up. I'm seriously in love with this poem. To me the flow was good and the humor worked. I wish you would rap this and make a youtube video, I guarantee you would give at least a million hits! I really agree with your message as well. I have never understood booty shorts. No guy wants to see all that you're working with. You've got to keep a little mystery-that's true sexy-ness.

I wish I had more to say but you executed this really well. The grammar works because it fits the attitude of the poem and adds to the rhyming. None of your rhymes seemed to extreme or out of control which I think is good.

I know that you want to keep up with the "style",
but those are a size six.. and it's been a while...

That's my favorite part:) I think a lot of girls wear clothes that are way too tight, like did you paint those on or something? I understand having form fitting, but it's not a second skin...seriously.

Anyway, great job! If you ever need another review just let me know, I enjoy your writing!

-RL

Absolutely loved it!! Seriously, I know what you mean. Great poem!

Omyyyy... I found someone who could understand me. Here in Phils, it's hot, everyone knows; but it's totally unnecessary still to wear booty shorts.

but those are a size six..#FF0080 ">.

Those cellulite bumps#FF0080 "><space>--they burn my eyes...

You do it for guys? -#FF0080 "><unnecessary hyphen>Your motive is wrong.

Because the kind of guys you'll get won't last that long -

-and neither will those shorts-'cuz they'll start poppin'
And once they start, there ain't no stoppin'.

Ahaha! This is actually quite funny because I was recently thinking of booty shorts this week. (Don't look at my gender sign, I'm a girl.) See, I bought a pair and tried them on and felt naked so I returned them thinking how girls were able to wear such tiny things. Now, I have some shorts but they're totally not as short as that and I'm a clean freak so I make sure my legs don't look...well, unpleasing. xD

Anyway, this poem was really fun and I loved the message to them.
I'm not much of poetry - reviewing person so I can't say much about this or give you any advice on it either but at least you know that someone rides the same boat! =]

Great poem!
-Shear

I loved this! haha it made me laugh all the way through. I really agree with the shorts thing- it really annoys me to see girls walking around wearing stuff like that. I'm never gonna wear mini shorts.

anyways, I loved the rhyming, I agree that it sounded like a rap, but I think that made it better.

No nitpicks! hooray!

Everything else has been said, but I just have to say that a love it. Great rhythm and flow. Hilarious!

hahaha! That's hilarious! I totally agree i cringe when people where 5 sizes too small in anything especially shorts! Great job! Love the cleaver rhymes especially the priest start swearing!

Dude, I'm laughin my as-I mean butt off!

Great message. Love it! It's kind of funny because my mom and I were just talking about this the other day! Thank you!!!

*like*

~Ktg

Ha, I totally agree! Overall, nice poem. For my digging here...

Girl, take off those booty shorts.
They're not built to look cute, they're made for sports.

Hahaha, I absolutely love this. Pure genius. Your rhythm is spot on and doesn't feel forced. I liked the style that you used; it was quite hilarious. Also, I agree with the overall message. Girls that wear really short shorts are only looking for the wrong kind of attention. Even though it is their choice to dress how they please. Your line,"You do it for guys? -Your motive is wrong. Because the kind of guys you'll get won't last that long-" is so true, and just made me laugh all the more. Very nice job here! Keep up the good work!

Rachael :)

I . . . I love you.

That's all I can say at the moment, so you must wait until I can catch my breath. All this laughing has to be a great ab work-out.

Okay. So. This was hilarious. Not only that, but it was completely true. I'm a girl, and indeed I do like to look nice for the menfolk, but I've always had a particular aversion to . . . er . . . short shorts. They don't even look good on the hot girls, much less the far more average girls described in this poem. The subject was fresh and quirky, something one really doesn't see enough of on here. So, as far as theme goes, this was spot-on.

I'm not going to rag all over the technical aspects of the poem, such as the slightly unsteady rhythm and occasional chopping off of g's (which sometimes gives the piece an awkward look and feel, like it's trying too hard to be rap). The message is what's important here, and it's good that it didn't take the backseat to elaborate rhyme and metre. The poem could stand a little cleaning up, but overall it's quite good.

Well done!

~Warrior Princess

I really liked this. I mean, I wear short shorts, but they cover everything that need to be covered. Some shorts just don't need to be worn. You put a point and added comedy into it, which was awesome. I really liked this.

i find your poem to be very funnyand well written. the flow was nice and i like the part about the cellulite

Please buy some decent clothing that's in your size.

Those cellulite bumps-they burn my eyes...

I shouldn't be looking? Well, you shouldn't be wearin'.
Those shorts you have on can make a priest start swearin'.

Hahaha I loved the rhymes and rythm of this poem. Plus, it was humourous too! Awesome, keep up the good work! =)

This was nothing short of genius. It was hilarious. I adore it.

Please buy some decent clothing that's in your size.
Those cellulite bumps-they burn my eyes...

Hey JoJo!

I'm not much of a poet (project for the summer) but I loved the message! I'm so sick of people wearing shorts so short that their but is literally falling out.

As for the writing, I couldn't find any blaring issues.

The one thing that did strike me though, was how it sounds like a rap. I don'k know if that was what you were aiming for, but I like it!

Awesome poem!

--Bee--

Seems like everyone thinks that the last line is out of place
*removes*

LOL! This was funny!

I think the last line seemed a little bit out of place (since it didn't rhyme or anything) but I totally agree with the poem. I hate how these are the only shorts available for juniors! It's awful. So, you either have old lady clothes or ridiculously tight lady clothes. Not cool! Though, I have to say, this year I have been lucky and I found a brand that had decent shorts and skorts that were light, somewhat conservative, and flattering in all the right ways.

Ok first off, I found this poem hilarious.

I'm a girl, and I don't even wear those shorts.
(I'm not allowed to, plus I wouldn't wear them if I was allowed XD)

And I agree with the part where you said something like about the girls wearing shorts to attract the guys, but they won't last long?
Basically, that is true, cause if then the guy is attracted by your looks and not yourself.
(Did that make sense?? I hope -.-")

And I find those shorts disturbing.
My mom says they are "smiling to the world", if you know what I mean.

Anyways back to the actual poem...
I found it amusing, and funny, and it got your thoughts out.
It was cool.
It almost sounded like some sort of rap with a nice beat to it. XD
And I think the picture of the lady had a nice touch, as if she was the one saying the poem XD I don't know if you understood that.

Hahaha, this poem just made my day! It was great. I agreed with every single word of it. The only part I wasn't too fond of was the very end....

XxJoJoxX wrote:And neither do we.

Hahaha, this was so epic. My only nitpick is that the last line sounds a little out of place. I think that if you cut out the last line it would sound a little better.
Great job!!

Oh my God, haha.
I don't feel that I can give this a legitimate review, as I enjoyed it far to too much. It made me laugh, it had great rhythm, and your rhymes seemed effortless. No grammatical or spelling mistakes that I noticed, either.
Also, completely agree with you. Thank you for putting a smile on my face.

XD XD XD XD


I just love that picture, for one! I also love the topic and how you conveyed your message. I agree totally with what you said about booty shorts (gross).
Your rhyming was pretty good, not stressed much but a tad bit in one or two areas. Punctuation and grammar were great too. Some things I did not get...

I know that you want to keep up with the "style",
but those are a size six.. and it's been a while...

Why do you treat coverin' up like a deadly sin?
I only enjoy my food when I can keep it in.

Great message and very funny!

I agree. I'm a guy and I don't even like seeing that much skin on a girl. I have eyes for a glorious soul, not a glorious body. Too bad there aren't too many good hearts out there any more.

One nitpick:

We'd all be better off if you just burned them or ate them...

Hey Jojo, here as requested!

First off, I think you've got a good message and a humorous piece that conveys your feelings without coming across as too conservative, and I like that. So good job!

I'm not much for reviewing poetry, so I can't give you any good tips there; I'm just going to focus on the content. There were a couple of parts that I didn't quite get:

Why do you treat coverin' up like a deadly sin?
I only enjoy my food when I can keep it in.

We'd all be better off you just burned them or ate them...

Or at least lotion-up if you exhibit your thighs.
Moisturize, please- preserve all our eyes.

This poem flows well..And I see where you are coming from. But to be honest this poem seems a bit too judgmental for my taste. Sure, people do dress provocatively, but its their choice to do so. Your use of rhyme is good though, i think you've definitely got a knack for writing poems.

I love this poem, and totally agree with the message! I like the way you've taken a serious point and conveyed it in a humorous way, and the rhythm and style seemed almost effortless. Brilliant work!