Conduit [Chapter 2][2nd draft]

by WyvrynScribe

Published January 1, 2018

In Conduit

Audray whipped her head around to face me.

"That sounded like a person," She exclaims. "We have to go help!"

"I'll call the police," I add as I dial.

"You do that then catch up with me. I'm going in." She says nonchalantly. I look at her, shocked.

"Wait! What if you-" I scream as she runs off into the woods. The call stops ringing, and a nice lady's voice greets me as my friend disappears into the unknown.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"My friend just ran into the forest! And we heard a scream before! Please, send someone!" I shout into the phone.

"Whoa, miss. I understand that you're in a tough situation, but calm down. Give me a location. What forest? Are you on a path?" She responds, and I try to take deep breaths, but my mind keeps racing.

"Berkley forest, the path between Sylvia R. High and enclosed neighborhood Alciya Estates. It's near the rec center. Please, send someone!" I recite. Why is this taking so long? She could be in danger!

"Can I get you and your friend's name?" I try taking deep breaths.

"Her name is Audray Vesera. Please, I'm not in any danger, please just come get her!" I plead into my phone, shaking my head. I can't believe it! Why is this taking so long?!

"Wait, you're serious? Audray Vesera? Who is this, her parents? Babysitter? Please, give me your name." Her voice is surprised yet persistent. I can't believe I have to deal with this now.

"I'm her friend! Rennel Thomson. Please, send someone!" I'm infuriated. This is wasting time!

"Do you know where her bodyguards are?" She questions.

"She has bodyguards? Where are they supposed to be?" I say, angry. I know that sometimes she has people stationed to guard her path, but I don't know for sure. Shouldn't they have heard the scream?

"Okay, I'm sending a group of people now. Stay put, we don't want anything happening to you, and stay on the phone with me until help gets there." Finally! Hopefully they'll come quick.

"Thank you so much!" I sigh in relief. My breathing calms down. Help is on the way. Everything will turn out fine. Just fine.

Leaves crinkle in the distance. Is it Audray? Oh, please let her be safe. Or maybe it was just a bird. It's just a mistake. Nothing's wrong, I hope.

"Finally I can make some progress. Those two humans took up way too much time." I hear off in the forest, echoing through the woods. That's not Audray... It sounded familiar though. I hold my breath and stand still against a nearby tree, hugging it as if it was my raft in this vast sea of terrifying possibilities.

"Someone's here. I heard their voice." I whisper into my phone.

"Stay calm. Can you see them? Do they have any weapons?"

The footsteps draw closer. I'm shaking. I turn to see the impossible. Red hair whips through the air as cyan eyes catch me, like a hawk finding its prey. My body freezes.

"It's him. I can't believe it. I-It's the man from the video. The ," I breathe, not believing what I'm about yo say. "The alien." Of all the forests of all the areas it had to be here. It had to be that direction he was heading. It had to be here. It had to be her. Why was she first? It should have been me. I should have stopped her. I'm so stupid!

"Ma'am? Is this true? Help's on the way try to stay on thephone. Can you describe-" But then I can't hear anything, my hand suddenly open and my phone falling to the ground. I turn to see that the man has grabbed my arm. I can't do anything. Should I even do anything?

"I suggest you don't resist." I hear, so close I feel his breath on my neck. I should just listen, it'll be easier if I give up. No, Audray would want me to resist. She's always encouraging me to stand up for myself. But how?

Not thinking, I run, yanking my arm forcefully from his grasp. He looks surprised for a second before my head twists to find an escape route. But then I'm falling. Sliding through to leaves and dirt of the slope, crashing into bushes and saplings. I can hear him behind me. This was a mistake. He's going to catch up. I shouldn't have done this.

I try to stand up, but gravity pulls me towards the bottom of the valley. I can't escape. I'm corned. What would Audray do? My eyes look for an escape. The trees are too small and too far to grab. My only hope lies at the bottom as an old oak tree. I could stop my fall, stand up, and try to run. That would work. I can do it.

But those seconds are a blur. My arm smashes against the trunk, my body coming to a forceful stop against the mass of bark and wood. My arms and legs feel bruised. I stumble to my feet and wander through the forest. I can't see. My vision is blurry and my body shakes with every step.

I blink. Things start to refocus, but I wish they didn't. Audray lies on the forest floor, eyes closed. I gasp and walk forward to touch her chest. She's still breathing, and I can feel her heartbeat. I look to see a man lying near her, wearing a thick black vest with an earpiece. Was he her bodyguard? Did he not protect her? But then... who screamed first? Did he really take down a trained adult man?

"You're very persistent for a human." I turn to see the man, even more terrifying as he towers over me and the . He looks just like in the video, with his cyan eyes and strange armor. His hair is messier, and his armor has been replaced with a similar one, better suited to travel, still armored, but more form fitting.

"S-stay away from me!" I stutter, backing away from him. My breath is ragged.

"You're so unlike the other two I found here. The first tried to subdue me. The other one did the same, but was smaller. Somehow they weren't that much easier to subdue. I wonder why you're here with them." They walk towards me, their expression cold. I can't take it. Tears spill over along with words.

"Why are you doing this? What do you want? What's this dumb conduit? Why are you hurting people? Why her, why me!" I cry out, shaking as he suddenly stops, his expression turning serious.

"How do you know what a conduit is? I don't remember giving you the declaration," He narrows his eyes. I shake in fear. Why is he upset? I messed up. He's going to kill me. "I asked you a question!" He shouts authoritatively. I pant walking backwards into a tree as he draws closer.

He stands above me menacingly, and I cower, sinking down to the ground. He grabs my shoulder and starts squeezing. I cry out in pain. Why me? What did I do?

"I'm going to ask you again, how do you know about conduits?" He questions. I seethe in pain, my face stinging from tears.

"I s-saw a video. You talked about conduits an-aguh!" I hiss in pain, shaking. Why is he doing this?

"Do you know what a conduit is? Has anyone found out?!" He commands. I shake my head in confusion.

"I don't know! Please, let me go!" I confess. He lets go of my shoulder, but he quickly grabs my neck, pushing me down into a kneeling position. Oh god.

"Well, you should know I can't do that. I have to search you." He jeers. I feels something cold on my neck, it spreads over it like a blanket of ice. I know what's coming. That's the worse thing. Anticipating it. I'm going to die. I failed. I can't take the pain. I'm going to die. I close my eyes, as if doing that will wake me up from this terrible nightmare.

I feel the pressure of the pins coming down, sinking into my skin, into my neck, into my flesh, into my soul. It's terrifying. But I'm not dying. I'm not in pain. I open my eyes. For a brief second, I'm floating. Outside my body. Outside this world. I see colors and lights dancing in impossibly perfect fractals. I reach out, and my hand is transparent, like glass. I can feel infinity in the palm of my hand, yet it weighs nothing. Is this death? I blink, but then everything collapses back into reality.

The ground crawls with ants, leaves decorate it like sprinkles, and small bits of grass poke through the brown dirt. I reach down to feel the grass. My hand is solid. The ground is stable underneath me. Things have weight, my body is pulled toward the center of mass. Everything is as it should be.

"Wh-what was that? What happened?" I look around dazed, expecting to find myself in a dream. I push myself up and turn around, only to fall back down. He's still here?

"You seem surprised. Have you ever seen the Apieroplane before? Most conduits see glimpses of it occasionally." He remarks as he brushes some dirt off his clothes, completely calm. What's with him? Apieroplane? And he talked to me like... I was a…

I reach for the back of my neck, my hand parting through hair to find cold metal instead of warm skin. I trace the metal to a place where it enters my neck, seamless, no blood. I move my head and feel something in my neck moving, bending along with my neck. It's inside of me. Why didn't it fall off? Why is it still there?

"What did you do to me?" I pant in shock as my breathing fluctuates and my heart rate speeds up. He looks down at me and scoffs.

"You can't figure it out?" He kneels down to face me eye to eye "You are my conduit."

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
AliceinBluue
Review
AliceinBluue wrote a review Review · Jan 28, 2018

User avatar
Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review Review · Jan 28, 2018

Hey there! I thought I'd drop by for a quick review this lovely Review Day! I went ahead and read through Part 1, and now I'm here to review this part!

The Story So Far
...is pretty great! You've gotten right to the action, which is always good. I'm intrigued by your world, particularly because of the near-future setting and the apparent aliens. I don't really have a lot of opinions on your main characters yet, except that Audrey definitely seems braver than Rennel.

I am a bit confused as to what or who made the original scream, but I have a feeling we'll find out later.

Pacing & Setting The Scene
My biggest critique for you is that I don't quite feel grounded in the story yet. Although I know where they are and I have some idea of the time period and technology level, I sort of feel like I'm skimming the surface of your world rather than being submerged in it. The main culprit here is that you don't give us a good sense of the setting or especially the tone of the story. Movies are really good to consider when it comes to tone, because a good movie will always set the tone with its very first scene. Action movies usually open with something fast-paced. Horror films often begin with a slow, creepy pan. In this way, you can set the tone for each scene of your novel. Tone gives the story atmosphere and depth and draws the reader in.

So how do you create tone? I think part of your current problem is that most of this chapter is dialogue and Rennel's thoughts, with only the basic actions of what she does and what the other people do. It makes the story feel sparse. Tone is often created by the setting and the words you use to describe it and the other things/people in the scene. I think if you focus more on sensory perceptions, it'll help the reader feel grounded and feel Rennel's fear. Don't go overboard with blocks of description, but try to focus on not only sight, but sound and smell and touch.

I liked how you showed Rennel's shock because of the conduit, and it's a great cliffhanger - I really want to know what this will mean for her.

And I think that's all I've got for you! Good luck with this, and keep writing!

User avatar
Moalex
Review
Moalex wrote a review Review · Jan 28, 2018

Hey there! Moalex here for Review day and to get this work started on leaving the green room.
I have not read your first chapter so I'm not entirely sure what your characters are (The Alien and First person) referring to in terms of Conduit. However, I understand that this confusion is meant for me to go back and read the first chapter for missing information or to keep reading to gain an understanding of what it means to be a conduit.

I can definitely say that that starting off chapter two was definitely a rollercoaster. It started off with Fear and a dark setting (I'm assuming it's night time so...) so it pulled me in almost immediately. I'm still concerned as to whether this alien is actually an alien or not, it doesn't seem like some martian or alien/predator kind of thing, but that's for me to find out when I go back to read chapter 1 or continue to chapter 3. The one thing that made me wonder whether this alien is actually an alien or not is the fact that this alien is speaking in human language.

Other than that, kindly go back and proofread your work, there are times when I feel you could rephrase your sentences for it to go smoothly, and some missing words in a sentence that I automatically filled in while reading it.

Other than that, nice story! I really hope you continue writing and best of luck! Cheerios!



We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself.
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer