Mending Hearts
by Maggie
I ran out of the funeral home. I sat down on the front steps and began to cry. Why does this have to happen to me?!? I thought crying hard. Well I’m getting ahead of myself,so let me start from when it all happened.
It was a quiet day and was sitting on the couch with my sister,Gwen when the phone rang. Gwen got up and answered it. After about a minute she hung up.
“GET IN THE CAR!!!!” she yelled and ran out the door. Gwen was was sixteen so she could drive. Once we were in the car, she began explaining the phone conversation. The person calling was a nurse from the hospital. The nurse said our father was in the hospital. Apparently he’d been in a car accident, The nurse also said she had called our mom at work. Once at the hospital Gwen got out of the car without waiting for me to unbuckle my seat belt. I ran into the hospital. Gwen was already at the front desk and the nurse was talking to her. After the nurse finished talking Gwen walked over to me and gave me a hug.
“Sit down Stella,” she said, “Dad’s in the operating room. He has a broken leg and needs stitches, but there’s a lot more wrong with Dad.” I nodded then sat down beside Gwen. We were silent until Mom came. Mom wrapped both of us in a hug, then she began crying. After about four hours a doctor came into the waiting room and told us we could see Dad now. Dad was in room 312. He was laying in bed his leg was in a cast and he had stitches in his forehead. He seemed happy and sad to see us.
“Anthony!” Mom exclaimed and ran to Dad.
“Amelia it’s my time to go. I love you,” Dad said weekly.
“What?” Mom said.
“Gwen,Stella I love you both. Under my bed is a box,There is something for both of you in it,” Dad said,Tears came out of his eyes as he closed them. Then the heart rate machine made a long dead beeeeeeeep.
The next day all I did was sleep and cry. The day after that I did the same. On the third day I got out of bed got dressed. All of the morning was a blur. At 1 ‘o clock Mom drove Gwen and me to the funeral home, We paid our respects then sat down. I saw the funeral through blurry eyes, but I ran out of the building as soon as Mom gave her speech.
It went like this “Oh Anthony, if you could only see us gathered here today. We all miss you. If only that horrid day hadn’t happened.If only you’d taken the trolley. Why? Why did you have to leave?”
That was the same quesion I asked myself but it wouldn’t be answered now. Well now we’re caught up. I’m on the steps crying. I hear the door open. I’d guessed it’d be Mom but it was Gwen she was crying too.
“M-mom and I were looking through Dad’s box he left you this,” Gwen said handing me a small golden locket inside was a picture of Dad,”He also left you a note.” Gwen handed me a note card
Dear Stella,
I love you very much and I’m proud of you. Don’t forget me and don’t forget I love you.
Love, Dad
I cried and cried. Gwen began to cry with me, Then after a while, Gwen said, “Together Stella we can mend each others hearts.”
I sighed, “Mending hearts, I cried harder and Stella hugged me close.
Hey! Forever here with a review!!
First of all, change the formatting. Don't give any sort of formatting to the story. It's more than hard to read it and now I realised why the default colour of YWS isn't black. Anyway, remove all the formattings and make it easy to read.
Secondly, your story doesn't have proper punctuations. At many places, the story lacked commas like here: "After the nurse finished talking Gwen walked over to me and gave me a hug."
Here you have to put a comma after talking.
Here, you have capitalized tears without a reason. Don't capitalize it.
Now onto the story. The story itself was quite good. If I am not wrong, the person committed suicide. It was not an accident... Otherwise, the person wouldn't have left that note below the bed. I wonder why he did that. Now, we don't seem to have the slightest clue. Please provide the readers with clues to comprehend what really happened. That seems like a suicide to me.
I wonder about something else too and that is if he left a note only for Stella or if he left notes for all three of them. Include that. Something more which I noticed is the expression of the doctor. He didn't seem to be very tensed and his expression actually sugeested to me that there was no danger but just the opposite happened.
I love how they helped each other at "mending hearts". That was a necessary part of the recovering process. Overall, it was quite a good story.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever