Ruri hoisted her bag over her shoulder. The floorboards of the Flying Valkyrie groaned in protest under her heavy armor and the air around the hold still lingered of smoke. Since most of their supplies had been incinerated, Idalia had ordered an emergency stop in Talaq for new stock. Ruri had groaned inwardly along with the floorboards, all of the Talaqians she had ever met were hyperfocused on two things; religion and fitness. She pulled down their flag, a gold and blue banner with the symbol of Lady Truth and a sword. When they had painted it, Farzeen was still afraid of Ruri and Verity hadn't wanted to get dirty. She smiled fondly, they had come so far.
"Do you need help?" Farzeen's voice came from behind Ruri.
Ruri turned around and smirked. Sometimes she forgot how short Farzeen was. "No thank you, I can handle it."
Farzeen shrugged but handed her a little misshapen bag.
"What's this?" Ruri took it curiously.
"Oranges! You need your Vitamin C!"
"What is this obsession with oranges?" Ruri raised her eyebrows.
Farzeen shrugged again and skipped away to hand her fruit out to her other unsuspecting victims.
Ruri put the flag away and glanced around the deck again. The dark peeling paint had begun to feel comfortably familiar, like a place you actually lived in. The whole area still reeked of wood polish that didn't do its job and left little puddles around the edges of the boards. She stepped on a rusty nail at least once a day, and she was covered in rope burns from their ancient rigging. She grinned. Yeah, she liked it here. She plodded down the ramp after Idalia finished making arrangements with the local authorities.
Morgan had practically begged Farzeen to stay on the ship. Since she was a Vaneiin and an Andheran, the chances of at least getting stopped were extremely high. Farzeen, being the stubborn daredevil she was, marched down the gangplank with Bunny in tow. Ruri shook her head. Morgan was from Talaq, she hated to admit it but they were better off if they all listened to her.
Ruri didn't wait for Idalia to finish talking to the Stevedore, she had more important things to do than chit-chat with a low-class worker. Like buy fruit. She wrinkled her nose in disdain as she reached the market. A thousand people were shouting, the stench of animals was heavy in the air, and wayward children kept bashing into her without so much as an apology. Sigyn it was loud out here! Ruri stopped at the booth of a woman in green selling fruit. She haggled with the woman, eventually lowering the price to an amount vaguely suitable. She felt someone's gaze on her and glanced up, causing her heart to fall through her stomach. A pair of jade eyes glared at her coldly before vanishing into the crowd. Ruri chased after them, dropping her bag and forgetting her apples. Her heart was slamming in her chest and her palms were cold with sweat as she trailed him, following his purposeful clues.
Panting, Ruri cornered him into an alleyway. He was leaning against the wall with a smirk, but his jade green eyes betrayed his anger.
"Ruri. How nice of you to join me!" He purred.
"What do you want Balor?!"
"What do I want? How about a kiss, that always cheers me up."
"We're not dating anymore, you're being inappropriate!" Ruri clutched the stone wall behind her and tried to remember why she had been stupid enough to chase him down here. Of course it was a trap. To any observer, she had him cornered, but she knew she was right where he wanted her. She gripped her Claymore in its sheath and got ready for his strike.
It never came. Balor just continued to smile coldly at her, appraising Ruri like a mildly attractive piece of jewelry. "Inappropriate?" He finally drawled. "You know what's inappropriate, sweetheart? Gallavanting off to consort with murderers, thieves, and monsters."
Darn. She gritted her teeth. He wasn't supposed to know, she had covered her tracks feverishly. She was supposed to be nothing but a phantom for El's sake! Her heart beat faster, she was sure he was inching closer. Balor's golden hair was reflecting what little sun peeped through the dark walls of the alleyway. His predator smile grew more sincere at her discomfort. She could hear the sounds of the market behind her, maybe she could disappear into the crowd...
"Were you going to tell us you found an illegal Lost in your group? Or were you savoring it for yourself? I'm all for a solo mission, hon, but you're supposed to report these things."
So he was choosing to ignore the fact that Ruri had (unofficially) resigned. How had he learned about Morgan? She snorted, silly question. He was the Red Ghost, he had probably been living on the Flying Valkyrie since their crew had formed.
"Something funny?"
"Your intimidation tactics are rusty, Balor." Ruri's body was drenched in a cold sweat, and she shoved her hands in her pockets to keep them from shaking. "I will repeat myself; what do you want? I haven't got all day and you're really starting to get on my nerves!"
He growled. "I want its head on a platter, and I want you to beg for your position back."
"I'm not coming back! If you had heard what I heard-"
"We'd still be in this same predicament. If you don't meet my demands, perhaps the White Demon can persuade you?"
"You're sick," Ruri whispered. "She'll kill everyone! The rest of them are civilians, Rhoswen won't care!"
Balor shrugged. "No one will miss them, they're on a ship of outcasts after all."
"She'll- it'll be dead soon," Ruri hissed through her teeth. "And I'll consider coming back!"
Balor smiled at Ruri like a fox toying with his meal before the last strike. "Then we're in agreement. If my demands aren't met by the Siren's Moon, Rhoswen can pay you a visit and I'll get to meet the winged one's parents."
Farzeen. Ruri clenched her hand into fists. "I already told you I would! Leave her alone!"
"Sigyn, you're angry, is it your time of the month?"
"What is your problem?!"
"I still haven't gotten my goodbye kisses from the light of my life."
"You told me I'm worthless, obviously I'm not worthy enough to give the great Balor Óvistlegt a kiss." She was surprised that she was still so bitter.
"Very true, at least you're learning something." He strode over to her and took her chin in his gloved hand. "Until we meet again, angel." He kissed her before she could disembowel him or disconnect his head from his shoulders.
She reeled back in disgust as he jumped over the wall and disappeared, probably reporting back to Jaeger himself. She gripped the cold slimy wall, trying to gather her thoughts and slow her heart rate. It was impossible. Now that he was gone, she realized she was terrified. She happened to like her limbs where they were, and she couldn't stomach thinking of what they'd do to the rest of the crew if she didn't obey. They'd probably make her participate too.
It took her almost another hour to track down her bag, which had been stolen, and find where the crew had gathered to eat. They were sitting on a grassy hill, under a tree to escape the beating sun. Morgan and Idalia seemed to be half comforting, half holding back an extremely angry Farzeen from attacking a gaggle of dim-witted girls. Ruri guessed they had probably insulted her. Morgan was wearing an obsidian mask to cover her eyes. Ruri thought back to the thousands of masks she had seen while an Enforcer. Had all of those people been Losts?!
"Where have you been? All you had to do was buy fruit!" Idalia looked tired and cranky, so Ruri didn't retort.
"My deepest apologies, I was held up by the crowd." Ruri grabbed a sandwich and devoured it greedily, ravenous from the events of the day.
"Ruri? Are you alright? Do you need some more oranges?"
"No, Farzeen, I don't! I just need to be left alone, okay?!" She grabbed some more food and stormed off.
Ruri felt bad for lashing out, but her head was spinning and she didn't know what to do. You do know what to do. Kill Morgan and go back, and pretend she had never heard that conversation. She laughed bitterly, not caring about the strange stares she received. Ruri Ragnbjörg, the Gold Knight, a brainwashed dog. She had to protect her new crewmates, and if it was a choice between one or all of them the answer was obvious. Besides, Morgan wasn't even a person! Right? She shook her head and rejoined the group.
"I'm sorry Farzeen, it wasn't my intention to snap at you."
Farzeen nodded slightly. Ruri noticed that she was gripping Bunny's fur and breathing heavier than usual. Morgan seemed like she was already handling it. Guess I'm not really needed for anything. Ruri sat on the wet grass and inhaled the smell of damp leaves. Maybe she should just leave. Maybe they'd be safe. She glared up at the blue sky and cursed whatever gods had put her into this mess.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey, there! I'm here to review your work!
I noticed here that the grammar wasn't fully top notch. The first sentence is kinda hard to read and made me think, "Wait, what?" It took a little bit for me to figure out what you had meant. Maybe try it with a comma between Ruri and the word and? (You don't have to, but it would help.) And in the second sentence, maybe replace the comma with a semicolon (;) or separate it into two sentences.
I've noticed other grammar issues in multiple other places, but I won't go into detail about them since I already did so above. If you'd like to go through and find them (or if somebody else already pointed them out), you can do so if you'd like.
Okay, I love this moment. It made me laugh about how you referred to the people receiving oranges as "unsuspecting victims." I love oranges too, so I really appreciate the oranges.
I also really liked how here you went into some detail to explain the ship in a way that made it seem realistic and like you were actually there. I love when authors do that, and so do many other people, so props to that (I think that's the saying?).
Also, you've been doing really well with world building at many places that I can't choose just one of the other things to add that comment to. It seems like that could maybe go here, so I'll put that here.
WHO. THE. HECK. IS. IT? I wanna know so bad! So, obviously you're a master of suspense. Great job!
Dang, you really know how to make somebody hate a character. Congrats on that. Excuse me while I kick a trash can.
Okay, I'm back. Also, gallivanting is spelled wrong, but you might already know that, sooo...
He was the what now? Okay, interesting. You know how to make things dramatic, too.
OH. OH. THAT PIECE OF GARBAGE BETTER RUN.
Ewwwwww he reminds me of those trash cis straight white males at school who are absolute jerks to girls.
Ruri. Ruri. I know what that means from experience, and I know that you are not okay. Also, oranges are awesome, so maybe see if it works. But if you wanna be left alone, then get do so.
Actually, Ruri, that would put you more at risk than before, and it would maybe put them in more danger because you can't protect them or they might try to torture them for information. I'm getting conflicted vibes here.
All in all, you did a fantastic job! Can't wait for the next chapter (whenever you get around to it and feel like it, of course)!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm baack for another review!!
First Impression: Well things went up a notch or two there with this entirely new motivation coming to light, it looks like the whole fire thing is being disregarded for the moment, and we just have this horrible situation for Ruri to end up being put in.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, well, that moment doesn't really have too much weight behind it sadly, if we got to see more of those early days, that would probably hit us readers a lot harder, but now right after seeing them all just fight, that feels a bit hollow.
Well, that was random and surprisingly good advice these days...
Well, that's a nice little breakdown of the state their ship is in, and the knowledge that this crew has on how to actually use said ship, its an interesting little detail there.
Well...I hope those city names weren't ones we were supposed to know already, cause I've definitely forgotten, but at any rate, I do love seeing tiny things like that getting some attention, those really do help out a story.
Well that's clearly someone she knows and someone she's definitely not a big fan of, well, things just got a bit interesting in this chapter...I wonder who that could possibly be there...nice little surprise introduction there at any rate.
Well, considering I already feel the urge to punch this man in the face, I do hope this character is meant to be someone that we readers don't like very much....
OOoh...do I sense a potential fight of some sort...this could certainly be fun, seeing some fighting that doesn't have to do with internal crew problems.
Shots fired I see...oh dear...well, the answer to this one is probably going to be very interesting, especially cause it looks like something about Ruri past is going to conflict with here being on this ship here.
Well isn't that lovely, Ruri is just going to escalate a few more pegs up the untrustworthiness ladder, at this point, there's barely any left to root for on this ship...well, I do have to wonder where this is all headed.
Well, I love the reference to him being a skilled secret operative, but I do have to say, Red Ghost does not come off sounding particularly intimidating there....its a touch silly...but it does appear that he is quite good at his job here.
Sooo...she's about to be threatened into working against on of her own crew...well I suppose she hates Morgan anyway soo..that can't exactly be hard...well at this rate, I know have to just start suspiciously analyzing Farzeen to see what terrible secrets she has hidden, everyone else in the crew certainly has ulterior motives that will spell disaster to the crew as a whole.
Okay...well, that's a looot of strange names we're going to have remember, oh dear, I do love to see these, it looks like there's a lot more to this world being slowly introduced here and it is pretty exciting to see. Also my urge to punch this guys face continues to increase the more he talks....if he's meant to be villain, you've done a pretty good job here.
That is one of the most vague threats I've seen in a while, I'm sure it's quite scary for Ruri, but for us readers, that one just doesn't really ring true all that strongly as far as threats go.
Well...more reasons to punch this man in the face I see...
Oh wow, this guy is working very hard towards ensuring that as many people as possible hate him, that's just the next level right there...well, Ruri is going to be feeling properly terrible for quite some time to come by the looks of things.
Well, it looks like she certainly used to work for a very cheery bunch of individuals judging by those last couple of lines, this is certainly going to get very interesting going forward, although I do hope Morgan is killed by Ruri, that would be a bit sad...
Well, it looks like the rest of the crew at least had a marginally better day than Ruri did, although I expect a good barrage of questions to be heading the way of Ruri now that she's probably been missing for quite a while.
Well whatever group she's working for, they clearly never taught her how to make a convincing excuse, cause that is a pretty terrible one that anyone would see through.
Yeah, well that seems like the logical choice to make, although protagonists never ending up taking the logical choice, they like to save everyone, hmm...now I'm wondering if Morgan ending up dead wouldn't be so bad after all, well we shal see I suppose.
Nope, if you run away, no one will be safe, including you probably, that is the worst decision to make in this instance...
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a very interesting chapter this one, certainly introduced some very interesting things here, I can't wait to see what happens next now...especially to see how Ruri plans on going through with her plan here...
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you! I will definitely keep the reader%u2019s confusion in mind and figure out how to do author%u2019s notes or something like that!
You're Welcome!!
Hello, hi, good morning good evening good afternoon and goodnight as well as all the other things you might expect in a greeting. Anyway Wolf her.
I am so glad to have the next installment of this story! I missed my favorite band of ragtag pirates. And woah this chapter did not dissapoint. It left me with so many emotions and feelings.
I have to say Balor makes me want to puke, and I mean that in the best possible way as in I mean he's a wonderful antagonist and I hate his guts. How could Ruri ever date such a twig?!?!
I can see the tension in the plot rising I cannot wait to read more. Are we headed toward certain death for the whole crew? Will Ruri betray them? I suppose I will have to wait to find out.
This may be the best chapter yet.
one thing to note is that in the last paragraph you have Moran instead of Morgan.
uh anyway beware the trees
as always,
Wolf
Thank you for your review!