"I said I would be here when you need it, but-" Ruri argued with Farzeen loudly.
"You weren't. That's the thing," Farzeen whispered. "You weren't. You sided with HER."
Ruri growled, frustrated, and ran her hand through her golden hair.
"Verity's right! Morgan is dangerous! You can't trust her, she's probably using you. For a genius, you can be really daft sometimes."
Farzeen's head snapped up angrily.
"She's not any more dangerous than you, 'Miss Elite'! Don't talk about her that way, she hasn't done anything to you! Besides, she's not the one using someone!" Farzeen stood up and whistled for Bunny to come.
"Verity is a wonderful person! I don't know why you don't like her, and frankly, I don't care. But if you have any concerns you should talk to her about them. I'm just trying to look out for you here!" Ruri's voice grew a little desperate. "I'm worried about you Z-"
"Don't. Call me that. You haven't earned it. Leave me alone, I don't want to talk with you anymore."
"Farzeen-" Ruri implored.
"Good bye."
With that, Farzen dusted off her skirt and climbed up the Crow's Nest to where Bunny roosted. She sat, stewing and petting him absentmindedly.
"I think she means well," she muttered to Bunny. "But she can't see what's right in front of her."
* * *
When Farzeen climbed down later, Ruri was decimating haystacks with her huge Claymore. Morgan was... sunbathing with all of her clothes on and a big floppy hat to pull it together. Verity and Idalia were whispering together in the corner. Like always, Farzeen thought scornfully. Morgan and Ruri both moved towards her, stopped, and glared at each other.
"I'm not a piece of meat! You don't get to fight over me like dogs!" She grabbed Morgan's arm and led her away, leaving Ruri looking helpless and upset.
Ruri went back to murdering defenseless bales, with each stroke growing angrier and angrier. She thought of all the things Morgan had been accused of, had done. And Farzeen picked HER?! HER?! There was hay scattered everywhere; Ruri was panting heavily and sweating. She whirled around when she felt a dainty hand on her shoulder.
"You seem very upset. Has Morgan harmed you?" Verity's concerned eyes stared into Ruri's emerald ones.
"Not exactly... I just want to help Farzeen, but she listens to Morgan. Maybe you can talk to her?"
"I would be simply delighted."
Ruri breathed a sigh of relief and sheathed her sword. "Thank you, I really appreciate it."
"Of course, anything for you. I am counting on you Ruri, we are of like mind and I need you to tell me if you see any suspicious activity around here. I, of course, will report it to Idalia right away, but perhaps we can keep this between us? We do not want to be suspected."
Ruri nodded eagerly, pleased to be trusted. "You can trust me Verity, nothing will happen on my watch!"
Verity had a small smirk on her face. "I know."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hi WrenZorya,
Mailice here with a short review!
I like this chapter. You took the time here to give the characters all some personalities to give them more depth. I especially liked that you did it in a tone that is good for the story; in dialogue. It would have been pointless not to show those interactions, and just show everything through indirect speech. I think you did a really good job there.
Some points were a bit too exaggerated, but I thought it was necessary to present it that way given the number of characters. I really liked that they showed that expressiveness.
I like this point where Farzeen doesn't even let Ruri finish, and immediately forms his own opinion. Of course, that's not so good for the exchange of different opinions when you already show yourself to be so stubborn. But I like it. Many don't dare to create characters who also have more human, situational and negative characteristics. I also like how you portray her and later, when she comes down from the crow's nest, she forms an opinion again, just on what she sees. I think you've really done a good job of portraying it there. I also like the way the other characters behaved as a result and felt it was a good performance to handle it that way. I think you've really got a handle on how to lead the characters.
As in the last chapters, I just felt that not much of the environment was shown. Of course, the focus is more on the characters, but without what's around it, it feels like I'm watching a play where no one has added any decorations.
Still, it was a very interesting and character-heavy chapter. I liked it.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Ah, Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good night hi, hello, greetings and salutations as well as many other pleasant things that we don't have time for today but I am sure you get the point.
Ah, so glad to be back for another chapter on this story. I see the characters are shaping up quite well in there respective personalities and relationships. And oh my it seems everyone has something against someone, except for Bunny perhaps. This makes for some excellent drama. I am eager to see what happens next. Will there be a mutiny? or a storm? will they become castaways on an island? Only time will tell. Keep up the great work! Can't wait to see more from you and your ragtag bunch of pirates!
as always,
Wolf
Hey there! I'm here to review your chapter!
I made sure to read the other two chapters before this so that I would understand what happened, and I'm glad I did, because it helped me to understand this chapter. Also, your work is amazing and it got me hooked, so you did well with keeping the reader (in this case, me) interested.
I'm gonna try a different reviewing style this time. Instead of my typical "Here's 3 good things and 1 or 2 cons" reviewing style, I'm gonna do more of a reacting thingy to show how a reader would react, as that is sometimes good for authors.
Ooh, this is already nice, because it shows that they didn't just immediately resolve the drama, which makes it more realistic.
Uh-oh. Farzeen's 'bout to blow.
Called it.
Ruri... she explained the thing that happened. You DO know why.
Yes, Farzeen, yes. Thank you for standing up for yourself. You're a queen, you hear that? A QUEEN.
Although, I do feel a bit bad for Ruri here. She wants to help Farzeen, which I understand, but she needs to do it in a way that Farzeen would actually appreciate.
Wow, Ruri is a lot more upset about this than I thought. I wonder why....
All right, I have headcanons forming, but I'm not gonna say anything about them because I wanna wait and see if I'm right.
I DON'T TRUST YOUR CONCERN, LADY! First you attack a crewmate for autism, and now you're being "concerned" about the person who Farzeen rejected? Nope, nope, nope, I sense some manipulation going on here.
SHE CAN'T BE TRUSTED AND SHE'S MANIPULATING RURI! CALLED IT!
And now I'm gonna imagine some scenarios where Verity gets beaten up.
All in all, this was really good. I liked how well you hook the reader, your descriptions, your world building, and all of this. I have zero complaints about any of this, so that's good!
Thanks for reading! Have a great rest of your day/night/whatever it is where you live!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayyy....I think I read the first couple of chapters of this some time ago, so...uhh...well excited to see what this could be about here...so far there doesn't seem to be too much happening as far as an overall story goes, but there's a lot going on within this crew itself.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, this argument is still continuing...of course it just the next chapter despite the fact that it feels like its being longer...xD...at any rate, this crew right from the very start doesn't seem like they'd make a very good crew...and this is all just going to make that even more apparent.
Yup, well, this argument is definitely dominating most of the start of this story...which is definitely a fun little character thing here to establish their personalities, but besides this, I don't see much else happening plot wise which is a little worrying cause we are in the third chapter...well let's hope we see a bit more things happening in this one besides just arguing.
At this point I guess we're going to have to pick Farzeen's side of the story here...from the context so far, cause Ruri just doesn't seem to accept anything but exactly what she wants to believe and that's just not that great of a trait to see there. I don't think I'd support here all that much as a protagonist cause she's displaying and exceptional amount of just refusing to accept things.
Yup...so that ended about as well as I was expecting it to..no surprises there...I only hope we get to see some more cohesiveness in this crew as we go forward cause that we be quite nice to see...
Hmm, well that's a spot on assessment there Farzeen, which is currently why I'm not that much of a fan of her at the moment...well...at the very least Farzeen has someone to actually believe her somewhat although with all the rest of the crew conspiring against Morgan, that might change.
Well, that...was a nice little summary of how everyone on board that ship seems to be acting in general, a fun little picture of everyone's personalities there...at least that's what it sounded like there...
Hmm, good thing that she did mention that...I think I may have said this already some other time, but Farzeen seems like the character that at least I'm gonna stand behind here, she just seems the best person out of this lot so far.
Well...Ruri is definitely getting quite enraged about that...which is a touch interesting there...cause you'd think she'd shrug that one off a little better there, and then there's also the fact that she never seems to stop to think if she did anything wrong there...and just sorta assumes its all Morgan's fault or Farzeen's fault. Yeah, officially, we can just start disliking this one now.
Yeah, that's just not very convincing there Ruri although I suppose now Verity is going to do something here...
Yeah, alright, so Verity is officially bad guy number one of the story...we're all witnessing what appears to be firsthand manipulation in a situation where Ruri appears particularly vulnerable, so...Verity is not someone I'd trust with a ten foot pole...and I have a feeling she's going to end up doing something quite bad in the not too distant future and the captain appears innocent in all this so far...
That smirk just seals it...she's probably going to end up getting Morgan out of the picture and potentially even attempt to take over the ship at some point, using Ruri to further her schemes somehow...well at least that's what I can read from what's going on here...uhh..there's a free theory for you..xD
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was an intriguing chapter, especially towards the end, cause it certainly raises a lot of questions there
and crazy theories courtesy of mebut uhh...yeah...definitely interested to see what's to come here.As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry