"It's the Rules!"

I looked up the book and OH MY GOD! I so didn't know that! That is so weird.

So I'll put some twist into another chapter.

But just wow. I guess great minds think alike. Haha, just kidding.

This is neat, but it's a lot like the book Rules by Cynthia Lord. The girl in Rules also has an autistic brother that they have created a set of rules for, and the main point of that story is pretty much the same as yours. Maybe if you want to write a story about a girl with an autistic brother, put a new twist on it, like maybe he has an incredible talent at painting or playing an instrument.

Hello there!

Here to review.
Errors in red.
Comments in blue.

Wee woo wee woo wee woo P.J. ran around the living room making firetruck noises, drowning out the sound of my favorite T.V show House. Annoyed, I turned up the volume. P.J. stopped dead in his track and slapped his hand over his mouth "It's too loud! Not allowed to be over twenty." When I ignored him he stomped his foot on the ground and said, "It's the rules!"

And P.J. follows everyone of the. need continuation here Well, most of the time anyway. But that also means that I have to follow them too. Which includes the rule to always knock on Katie's door before entering. So basically I have to knock on my own door.Funny

I'm not saying that I don't love P.J. and all, I do, it's just he gets so annoying sometimes. But I know he can't help it. Awww...

Sometimes at night I'll sneak into his room and just watch him sleep. He's just so sweet and innocent that it makes me feel awful when I get mad at him.So sweet! I really like it!

Looking up at P.J. I raised my eyebrows. He tried to control himself but he burst out laughing.That made me laugh!

I like the idea you have about an autistic brother. I also like the part about watching him sleep. Everything could use a little more detail, however. Expand upon why he means alot to you, maybe go into just how difficult it is to live with him. good luck!

This is a little short but it's really great! P.J. is just so adorable, you're characters are so realistic, and I just loved it!

There are a few grammar mistakes here and there but we all do that sometimes so it's okay, just fix those okay?

fictionfanatic

Helloooo,

Everything about the story was already talked about so I'll just give you my opinion.

It sucked

JUST KIDDING! I loved it! You have a knack at writing and I hope you continue to write this story. I can already tell it's going to be good, you can usually tell by the first chapter.

If you could, please review my stories. Atleast "Fairytale: A love story..." because if you do, that'd be cool.

I will most defiantly be reading more!

-iheartbooks♥

Hi Words!

How are you? I see that you just joined YWS a few days ago-how are you liking it so far? Anyway, I quite like the idea behind the story, but to me, it's all just wasted potential. Dealing with autism is definitely not a light topic, and you seem to treat it as such. However, what really bothers me is a few things; the silly grammar mistakes and the telling instead of showing.

Anyway, about the grammar mistakes-they aren't that hard to fix. We all know the basics laws of grammar, although we do make mistakes sometimes. That's why it's super important to read through your story at least twice; one to yourself, and once out loud. Also, running it through a spell checker is good-YWS even has one that you can use to catch any last minute mistakes before you post. If you fix these things, it will show the reader that you are serious about your writing because you took the time and care to fix things. If you don't, you come across as lazy, which is never good.

This chapter is also very short, and I think that's mostly due to the telling instead of showing. Don't know the difference? Well, with telling, you just state the dull facts, while with showing, you get into details and description. If you compare a story to a play, showing would be people acting it out with costumes and set pieces, while telling would be someone sitting on stage, reading out the script to the audience? Get the difference? If you show, your story really comes alive-thus making it all that more interesting, memorable, and relate-able. Here's a prime example of telling your piece:

P.J was diagnosed with autism a few years ago. We all knew he had it before they told us so it wasn't much of a shock. The doctors suggested making a set of rules for him. So they did.

Oh. My. God.

Well since Kaedee practically dissected the beginning of your story, I really don't have anything to critique on~!

But, I will say this; I absolutely love your story!

And the best thing about that, is I'm guaranteed to read and comment on each chapter you add to this! I love it! Like Kaedee said, all of the characters and the situations seem so realistic! I'm already in love with little P.J.!

Love, love, love it!

Impatiently waiting for your next installment,
Chupa

Hi, Words! I'm KD, and I'll be your reviewer today.

WordsInMyMind wrote:Wee woo wee woo wee woo P.J. ran around the living room making firetruck noises, drowning out the sound of my favorite T.V show, House.

WordsInMyMind wrote:P.J. stopped dead in his tracks and slapped his hand over his mouth. "It's too loud! Not allowed to be over twenty." When I ignored him he stomped his foot on the ground and said, "It's the rules!"

WordsInMyMind wrote:So they we did.

WordsInMyMind wrote:And P.J follows everyone of them.

WordsInMyMind wrote:So basically I have to knock on my own door.

WordsInMyMind wrote:Digging through her purse, mMom said, "Katie, have you seen my keys?"

WordsInMyMind wrote:Looking up at P.J. I rose raised my eyebrows. He tried to control it himselfbut he burst out laughing.

WordsInMyMind wrote:Mom kneeledknelt on the floor and placed her hands on P.J.'s shoulders. "Honey, where are mMommy's keys? We need to go to the clinic to get a check-up."

WordsInMyMind wrote:Snatching up the keys from the bottom she said, "Come on Katie, you're coming too." I knew better than to protest.

WordsInMyMind wrote:I paused the T.V. and ran up to my room for my camera. Where the clinic is is the most beautiful place. The clinic is the most beautiful place. They haveIt has little antique shops and small cafes. And it's near the water too.

WordsInMyMind wrote:Placing the camera into theits large periwinkle case, I ran outside.