Xie was just another wolf. But unlike most, Xie had no den, no pack, no family. Xie was lost, so young and left out in the streets. Those stupid humans, didn't they no nothing other then hate? Xie had been taken from her mother as just a young pup. Xie was alone a week old when they did so. The took her to a horrid cold, and sickening place. They pocked and prodded her. Xie thought that she would surely die. But then, a young man came in and broke all the cages. Xie alone with 500 other animals got away, but now Xie was lost on the streets of this city. Xie sat on the side of the road shaking her small white form, almost black with grime. Xie looked around. No one would stop, she was just another stay on the road. All I want is to be back in the forest. Xie laid her small head down on her paws. Xie shook as a light rain started to fall. She let her little blue eyes close.
Just as she did a huge monster stopped in front of her. Xie looked at the things bright glowing eyes. She yelped and tried to get up. Just as the things eyes went black. A tall human got out from the monster. Xie yelped and tried to run. but soon the human had her in his arms. Xie yelped and barked, crying as loud as she could. " Shut up ya stupid mutt!" The human snapped. Xie yelped as her small form was slapped. Xie just closed her blue eyes and waited for her death to come.
God will you just let me die now. She pled tears falling into her nasty fur. Please, just please I don't want to go back there. Xie tried to hold back the whimpers as the human started to walk. Xie opened her eyes just before she was tossed into the back of the truck with the other animals. A large dog walked over to here. Xie just closed her eyes and whimpered. Her leg was killing her, blood began to soak her grim filled fur. Please just take me now.
The other dog stood above her. " Shhhh." He said in a sweet voice. " Are you okay?" Xie opened her eyes and looked at him. She shook her head and closed her eyes once again.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oh nooo, we're starting off on a really sad note there, it looks like we've got ourselves a really small wolf pup here, without her parents and lost in a place that she clearly doesn't know much about. Things are starting on a proper low point for this poor thing here...and it looks like's she's already suffered through enough punishment at a young age to account for her entire life there.
Ahhh, I love how you described the truck from the wolf's perspective, with here having no idea what it is, her seeing it as a loud and scary monster with glowing eyes is a touch funny, but also you can see this is going to just further traumatize the poor thing and the human that stepped out of it seems like a properly horrible person too considering how they treated a tiny wolf pup there....I get the feeling she's about to go back to a cage and back to the horrible things that happened to her earlier.
Oh dear, this one cuts right to the hurt there, this poor creature in so much pain that she's just wishing for it all to end...and having no hope whatsoever of surviving is truly a very low point here. On the bright side it looks like it can't get much worse for her, so the rest of the story perhaps will be of her situation improving, especially considering that ending there which gives you some hope that perhaps at least one of the animals inside is going to help comfort her here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Okay I've tried to fix this SOOOO many times. You know put the rest of it up and yeah it won't work! Fuck it I'm done.
Freaking really! I hate it when it does that! * Rubs forehead.* I don't like this site man.
This is good, you should definitely write more ^_^ Wolves are so much fun to read about!
You only have a few errors you might want to double-check, like a 'no' when it should've been 'know', and 'pocked' instead of 'poked'. But besides those, I think you're good.
Another suggestion I'd give you to help your writing is to try varying your sentence structure a bit. It seemed like most of the sentences started with "Xie". Xie did this, or did that. If you could rephrase a few sentences so that they don't all go the same way, I think that would help a lot
Great job! Keep writing!
Oh oops. I'll get these fixed. I was at school we had some free time, so I wasn't really watching what I was doing.
And yeah i know what you mean about the Xie, Xie, Xie kinda thing. =P that's how they make me write on my roleplay sites, so yeah just habit.
PS I ment those not these in that last thing.
So far, it's perfect! A+
No it's not A work, nothing I do is A work. There is a lot of things I need to fix. But thank you =D
Wolves do indeed rule!
I was wondering... why do the wolves have Japanese names? Wouldn't it be a name that wolves could easily pronounce? It's not a big thing, really, but i was just wondering.
Anyway! I think that there can be a lot of things you can do with this, if you expand. You have a lot of drama going on, whether it's her being abandoned or captured or everything else. So, I think the best thing you can do is to slow down and make it nice and juicy. Describe this horrible place that she would rather die in. Talk about how sad all the other animals are. Make it so bad that this friend talking with her is so amazing.
Basically? Make it nice and juicy.
You should definitely continue this! It's awesome. So keep writing... or else!
Yeah I was just free writing in the 7th hour class, so yeah I'm planning on fixing it up. It still just a ruff draft kinda thing.
And Xie is something I just got off of the top of my head.
=P