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Vitamins & Desultory Guitars

by Wolfical




A/N: It might be helpful to know that "Elephants and donkeys got big ears" is a way to help remember the six strings of a guitar: EADGBe.


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117 Reviews


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Thu Dec 29, 2016 6:31 pm
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JosephGeorge wrote a review...



Hey Wolfie, here for a Review Day review,

Positives:

Check the back of the book, honey
Your angels are all wrong
Just tune the pegs to this and that
And there, you've got a song.


Great opening to this poem, and it really sets the tone which I'm happy to say you never skip a beat through the whole thing. Just power housing it all the way. I really liked the lyrical/rap feel that you have, but the fact that while the edginess is still there, you've kept from jumping into all of the dirty language and slashing remarks and such. I never feel good when I read those sorts of things, but this is fine.

a
they
b
can
c
read


This part was a little clunky when I first read it, but then I remembered that this is a poem about writing music, essentially, so it all flowed and made sense after that. It's unique, even though it's not technically original, but it gives your piece some needed flare in today's market for things like this.

Negatives:
But darn it
Children never get enough of vitamin N


It might just be me, but I have no idea what you're meaning here. I just don't see any hints left in the poem.

Which, pray tell, for the next four years?
Choose the slightest of your fears.


These two lines are a bit out of place, in my mind, and I also don't really get where you're coming from. Why four years? What fears? I'm a little confused what these are supposed to mean, so enlighten me.

Overall:Fun and short. Good piece.

I give it:
ImageImageImageImage


Joseph Henry George




Wolfical says...


Thanks a lot for the review, Joseph! The elephants and donkeys, while also a guitar thing, were referring to the two main American political parties (Republican and Democratic, respectively). Thus, you choose one or the other for the presidential election every four years. Vitamin N is the word "no," Y is "yes." Thank you again!



JosephGeorge says...


Ah, that's cool to see that now. I love that you put so much into this simple poem!



Wolfical says...


Aww, thank you!



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Fri Dec 16, 2016 11:35 pm
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Persistence wrote a review...



Hello there. Reviewing sensation Kanye West here, up for another genius review.

But first, I should say that this is my interpretation and my take on the poem. If it doesn't fit what you had in mind, it's just my opinion and how I saw it in my own way.

Okay. So, I will first comment on the structure, and then the content. But before any of that, I ought to say that I liked the poem as a whole, and it definitely gets its message across.

The poem begins with the classic 4-line stanza we are all so familiar with. But then at the end it takes a turn for something more modern, and we see the form used to better convey a message. This I always praise in any poem or story or work of writing: when the author uses the structure, or the form of the work in such a way that takes advantage of not just sentences, but paragraphs, or in this case, lines and stanzas.

The second stanza seems to want to bring light to the front by utilising an "AAAA" rhyming pattern, which I find pretty cool. The "big rears" part in particular. The rhymes are well-chosen and well-placed in the entire poem, and the letter "a" rhymes with "they; and also the letter "c" rhymes with "read"; and finally, "die" rhymes with "Y". Knowing you, that was probably intentional, so great job on that.

No particular or consistent rhythm, but that's the trend nowadays for modern poetry, so nothing much to say there. But to be perfectly honest, if there's anything I want you to take out of this, it's a t-shirt. Two-hundred a piece, selling right over there. You got a wide variety from plain white to casual ivory.

Anyway. This poem is so well-written, that there isn't that much to be commented on, so on to the content part. Admittedly, I have little knowledge of anything relating to guitars (or instruments), so I will be missing a lot of the meaning of this poem. However, I believe I was able to reach the message of the poem nonetheless.

Essentially, children are given too many liberties and aren't being taught the values they ought to be taught. It's definitely an interesting topic, and sparking the conversation is definitely a worthwhile cause.

However, I will not be getting into it because it's a kinda controversial topic and I imagine everyone has at least seventeen thousand opinions on it.

This review is shorter than what I usually write, but hopefully it helps. I didn't see anything wrong with the poem, so I just mentioned what I thought was done right.

You should write more poetry. Or just write more stuff in general. I love all your writing. You are so incredibly skilled.

Reviewing sensation out. And remember: the compass always shows the way. I'm a genius.




Wolfical says...


Thank you Persi Kanye <3 I really appreciate that you went through this little thing with a fine-tooth comb to comment on the things I did well and should continue to do.

You're right about the children and liberties theme, but I'm not necessarily saying that children are given too much freedom and that parents should be more strict. I'm advocating more of a middle ground, with a parent who guides but also encourages their children to do what they want. Like pursuing writing or music as a career. I do think parents should be strict about certain things (consumerism, drugs, etc), which is where the unfortunate lack of vitamin no comes in.



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Fri Dec 16, 2016 6:19 am
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review!

This is a cute little poem, but it doesn't really delve deeper than that. I think that's all it's really meant to be as well, but I'll get into that. The thing with cute little poems is that you can't really make a wrong cute little poem, just like humorous ones. You can't say that the rhyme in a humorous one is really bad because /maybe/ it was supposed to sound that way and it was supposed to sound bad.

Something that the poem did lack was clarity in what it was really about, and there didn't really seem to be a theme. It doesn't seem like you really had an idea of what the poem was really about? And if you don't, it's likely that the reader doesn't or wouldn't really know either. We see that the second stanza is a reference to Democrats and Republicans, or really just the presidential race in general, but the first stanza doesn't really have any mention of this type of thing?

The first stanza is about playing songs on the guitar so the stanzas don't really connect to each other that well and a bridge for them is something that I would have liked more of. We can see that the second stanza is like a song but not really much else. The last stanza is something that interested me because it talked about Vitamin Y though I don't really know what that is (if it's even real or not). For what it was, the poem worked, so good job on that.

I hope I helped and have a great day!




Wolfical says...


I totally wasn't hoping for a review from you because I love your reviews

This poem is, roughly, about parental control over their children. Vitamin N is the word "No," and Vitamin Y is "Yes." The first stanza depicts a strict parent's orders and the second a lax parent's indifferent viewpoint on both child-rearing and, of course, the election. They believe that their child is screwed, either way. The first stanza's parent comes back in the last stanza to say that children aren't given enough strict direction nowadays.

The guitar represents the desultory children themselves, who in the first stanza are forced by their parents to play a suitable song (pursuing a career as a doctor, say). In the second stanza the parents don't really care, so the guitar is free and sing-songy but lost.

So, yeah. xD Clearly I didn't explain myself well enough. Any advice on how to do that better? Thanks for the review!



Kaylaa says...


Ohhh, that makes much more sense now! And I don't really know how otherwise you would implement it into the poem, perhaps use context clues for that? I can see what you were trying to get across better, so thanks!




You must believe in free will; there is no choice.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer