Observers

Hey there, Wolfi! This is Alex, here with a review. I've never read a work of yours before so I'm super excited to explore what your writing style is like. For this month's checklist challenge, I'm going to be using a self-made unique review template for this piece! I'd like to call it the 'Turtles Analyse' but this is probably the only time I'm going to use it lol. Let's dive right in!

These are Alex's lovely turtles, we'll be taking over from here, thank you! We're new to the job so please be kind. We'll try our best to speak in hooman language and Alex will make sure of it XD

We're not tortoises, but biofluorescent turtles!
{what catches the eye & makes it stand apart}

We approve of the simple and fitting title. The turtles however do agree that you should add a theme like 'history' or 'narrative' to the poem, besides science.

Alex's remarks- it's so cool that you included your great great grandfather's handwriting in this piece! We, too, conclude that it feels real and personal (even though we're not technically hoomans like you of course), and inevitably forges a connection with the reader.

The structure of the poem was definitely the most dazzling highlight (almost as beautiful as our rare bioflouroscence)- the best one being the one altered to circle the roof of the observatory. Very creative indeed- we turtles clap with our marvellous flippers!

Adding the original photo creates an intimate familiarity with the narrative (thank you images are much easier to understand than hooman words). It's such an exclusive poem, having your own ancestral history as its very foundation. We're captivated (not literally though, we like to be free. We only enjoy Alex's company very much)!

Tough Shell
{Best parts & favourite lines}

dwelled with patience under attic beams

At first, we thought this referred to sunlight beams in the dusty attic. But Alex corrected (he had to search it up, don't snitch that we said that) us thankfully! But the actual meaning is even more beautiful, we believe. Your great great grandfather being the figurative support of your home- very innovative and beautiful.

entombed in a shoebox

We applaud these lines for their honesty! It's painful in a way (we do cry hoomans, do your research better!) to remember that's all his journey has been physically reduced to. But there is a strange (hoomanly) comfort in knowing his memories are always with you, deep in the heart.

A professor of nostalgia, he returned from retirement
when I cracked open his textbook of photos.
The lessons are self-guided; the lectures, remote.

Alex says he found this particularly heartwarming. He's reminiscing the amazing knowledge lectures his grandpa used to give him as a child so he found it resonating! It's filled with emotion, must be a hooman thing.

Here looms a white shell,
a cathedral dome of science.

*gasp* yes, we see the observatory this very way- how surprisingly relatable. There's also a legend saying that the dome belonged to one of our giant ancestors a long time ago. But Alex insists it's not a turtle shell. But if not turtle shell, why turtle shell shaped? *Alex intrudes* y'all are supposed to give a review, not bicker! Anyways Wolfi, this was such a unique way to describe an observatory metaphorically. I'm truly impressed, I've never read a phrasing as amazing as this one. Hopefully, my turtles don't begin to yap again. Feel free to tell me if they slack, I'll compensate with an adequate analysis. I apologise for the inconvenience, they can be a handful and they're not much experienced, clearly. *side eyes & leaves* Don't worry Alex, we'll handle it from here. Sorry Wolfi, we have a tendency to go with the sea flow. But we'll focus now, promise!

It guards the hundred-inch telescope:
first observer of the expansion of space.

Amazing blend of history and astronomy! It feels surreal to imagine the significance and meaning of this scientific breakthrough and the value it holds to hoomanity.

All come to the same conclusion: we are small.

Indeed, like turtle hatchlings! *Ahem* what we mean to say it's such a philosophical thought that appeals to the hooman soul. To see world's wonders and realise how insignificant one's own existence is before it. Alex is nodding from the corner, he says he feels like this sometimes too.

we are infinite.

Astounding! Really it is so true, a turtle is born free with the ability to cross innumerable oceans. Hoomans are born similarly capable of sky high achievements. Life suggests we all die one day so we must be limited, like our lifeline. But the effect we have on others and the legacy we leave behind is immortal. Our contribution to the cosmos is as infinite as our capabilities *smiles in turtle wisdom*. We decide this a great closing for a stellar piece.

Determining Temprature
{Significant aspects- Win or lose}

We detect no rhymes so there's one criteria out! We love a well written prose just as much though!

Let's analyse the poetic devices now. We find heavy metaphors to be an undeniable strength of this poem. From the waxing and waning to suggest years to observatory and many others- we conclude you have a great talent of indirectly delivering occurences and objects. The imagery is also evident from glittering Los Angeles (we're not too fond of cities though). We also find similes like for stars was sprinkled in for good measure.

The text placement is undeniably eye-catching. But even when we look at the simplified text version, the structure still looks impeccable. We specifically applaud *flippers clap* the intricate capitalisations and punctuations you nailed, we've never seen them being used so accurately.

The poetry has a natural flow to it, as the stanzas don't follow a consistent length. It makes them effortless to read and understand. Yet it manages to retain its mesmerising aura till the end. Bravo!

The turtles certify your work a landslide win!

Reducing Plastics & Pollution
{Room for Improvement}

this cosmic dust my great-great grandpa scattered

Maybe it's just because we're turtles but we couldn't decode this line confidently. We asked Alex so he said to present our doubts to you (he is conflicted on the interpretation too, we suspect). We think this came off a little ambiguous and could use more clarity to be understood even by dumb turtles such as us. We turtles shall appreciate your clarification!

across his nose bridge mirrors dance

Unfortunately, the turtles failed to get the elaborate metaphor used here. What are the mirrors and how're they dancing? We have a guess they might be freckles perhaps but we aren't so sure. It sounds really poetic but we believe sometimes it might be better to tone down the greatness so even us non hoomans can comprehend the great poems you have to offer.

You've earned a turtle suggestion! Keep in mind though, we are silly and so our words aren't to be followed if you don't agree with them. It's your call to make and we support your artistic choices!

The professor’s gaze sparkles knowingly
like the stars.

We feel this was a missed opportunity for an extended simile. Maybe adding something like 'twinkling afar' or 'shining in the night sky. But it's merely a minor suggestion and totally optional. The poem is already perfect and you don't have to change a thing if you don't want to.

Now excuse us, it's almost winter. We must depart for brumation. May we meet again, Wolfi! We had a great time on our first reviewing job (please give five stars to turtle service, Alex promised to give us a tasty fish as a treat if we did a good work). This has been a sea-pulling (Alex says it's compelling?) read and it was our honor to analyse it for you. We'll be more than happy to read and review more of your works when we finally wake up. But right now, sea bed calls!

Hello, Wolfi! Happy Review Month! Valkyria here to leave a short review for your work. Let's get into it:

Both the photo and the poem are incredible! I love that you created something so amazing out of a picture and a title by your second great grandfather. Did he work at the observatory? And I also love that you included him in it as well. It makes the poem feel much more personal and powerful. It's a very cool format-- having the poem take up the space of the photo. I like how part of it frames the observatory. The title's font gives it a fun, exploratory vibe as well.

The poem is essentially the narrator discovering or going through the photos and learning about their 2nd-great grandfather and what he did. There are so much love and passion behind these word. I also enjoy the sprinklings of history: Sierra Madre's telescope being the first one to explore space so attentively. At least, that was my understanding.

The imagery is striking and so fitting to the content of the poem.

Here looms a white shell,
a cathedral dome of science.

Such a unique way to describe the observatory.

The ending leaves us with an emotional but awe-inspiring note. However, I am a little confused by the phrasing of it. I interpreted "motes of memory" and "we are infinite" to be the same thing. As in, these pieces, metaphorically or not, will always be there for us to find and see. What did you mean when you used the "no"?

Overall, this was a fantastic read! Strong writing and rhythm. Well done!