Published August 10, 2011
I am Lyra, I am a genius, I am insane.
I saw people as glass, created in all shapes and sizes with the ability to survive amazing impacts. I could see through them, and I knew their purpose.
Sometimes people need a neon sign: ‘Handle with care’ over their heads, or people forget we have such fragile hearts.
People need care, one small careless bump could make them spiral down to earth with a show of fine powder. Luckily, there are people to catch them before the fall; a gentle hand to balance them. Support them until they could stand alone again.
I was a glass vase; pretty, put on display on a high mantel. I thought I was tough, bullet proof. Guess I wasn’t.
I am Lyra, Glass can shatter. I fell from a push. No one caught me and I laid in pieces on the ground.
End
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138,259 Literary Works • 672,091 Reviews
This is great. I did enjoy it, but in a way I couldn't extract much of a story. I know at its core there is a story, but for me your narrator just seems to express a series of thoughts, then show us an event, as vague as it maybe.
It is important for short stories to be vague to let the reader meet you halfway but at times this is beyond ambiguity. The glass metaphor is played upon nicely through out, but I would like to see a little more action, I want to see you bridge the thoughts with an action just one.
I'm not sure it may just be taste. As for grammar etc. This has had enough reviews, I assume someone spotted any nitpicks, and I certainly didn't see anything when I read it through. I do like where you went with your theme as well, it's unique. You did have a very open prompt so everything in a way is unique, but how you structured the story and handled it was special, it was interesting, and if you offered just a little bit more than thoughts I would say its flawless. So well done!
edit: that was harsh, I read it through again. It does work in a funny way, it could be a little clear still. I'm tired, forgive me.
Thank you for the reviews everyone,
Clear up, did a little edit with the grammer.
After the contest I'll explain the scene in my head to clear it up for the people confused.
I really liked it. i like how you compared people to glass and talked about how they can break easily, and how if they fall than there can be someone there to catch them. it was cute, with a little bit of symbolism with it, which was really cool.
Keep writing!
Hello Wolfdancer.
I'm going to get the corrections over first, okay.
Take a moment to read the above sentence without the part inside the commas. If you do, it will read as "I saw people as glass and had the ability to survive amazing impacts." Now, read as that, it doesn't seem as if you're still speaking of the glass people when talking about surviving impact, it looks as if you are talking about yourself being able to survive impacts - which doesn't make very much sense at all, right?
You can use a different word other than "with" as long as it implies the same thing.
I am not quite sure what you are trying to say in this sentence.
Now, these two sentences need to be combined in someway. The second sentence is just a string of fragments. There are a lot of ways to do this and I will only give you the way I would go about fixing this. Just an example.
Now, I actually liked this, the concept that people are fragile and not as tough as we believe ourselves to be. It was nicely written and I hope you do well in the competition. With a limit of only 150 words this was very good.
This was pretty good, although like the first reviewer, I don't completely understand what you're talking about. If you want to, you can add details to make the symbolism more clear, or you can leave it as it is. Good job and good luck.
Hi there!
This was a good story. I enjoyed it. The idea is very original, I know I would've never come up with this!
Watch you present/past tense. You started out the sentence in present and then switched to past. Watch your spelling too, you forgot a letter in 'through'.
Overall this was a good piece. Keep writing!
Is this by any chance for the 150 words contest? You may want to clarify that at the top, just a thought.
Your introduction to this was great and the beauty about a piece of this length is that you can pretty much guarentee everyone will read it the entire way through.
I don't really understand this piece fully but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate it. You've done a good job with such a difficult challenge. Good luck in the contest!