Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Narrative

E - Everyone

Lily

by Wisteria


The autumn of ‘06 was when I met Lily. It was an extraordinary cold autumn that year, I remember because every morning when I walked to school I would exhale loudly, and watch the white puffs of air evanesce into the air.

Well, to be exact, I met Lily on a Sunday because it was the only day of the week where half the town would be at mass. You see, that was the kind of town I lived in. But mama didn’t care much for God, since praying didn’t pay the bills or put food on the table. So it was usually then I went out to the forest, when it was quiet.

And I could hear the birds, the wind, feel the cold sharp slice of morning air puncturing my nose, and lips. Autumn was the best season for cloud watching, cool winds whipped them into fantastical shapes framed by leaves, dyed red by the season. Then I’d walk along the Silda river, listen to the quiet burble of the river which separates the forest in half. The halves were somewhat connected through a series of stepping stones no bigger than a man’s foot. For that reason I never venture to the other side for the fear of drowning, but mostly it was Mama’s instruction to never ever cross to that half of the forest.Though it beckoned me, with its tall conifers and evergreen trees. It beckoned me with mystery, unfamiliarity and most of all, the unspoken adventures. Yet rules, beaten into you since you were little were hard to override. Or at least it was until I met Lily.

She was walking on the steppings stones when I met her, or maybe, jumping would be a better word.It was obvious that she was used to this, her body moved in the natural rhythm of one used to nature. Pausing to give way to the current, adjusting her body to the wind to avoid being thrown off balance. Her movement wasn’t perfect of course, but it showed the hallmark of someone accustomed to exploration. I watched half in horror but mostly entranced as she slowly advanced, her dark auburn hair as brilliant as the carpet of leaves on this side of the forest.

“Hullo there.”

I jumped, half startled and half out of embarrassment. “H..hi, sorry for staring at you.”

She made a waving motion with her hand and asked, “What’s your name?” And before I could answer, she continued, “ Mine’s Lily” She flashed me a grin, and took another step forward.

“Uh, mine’s Linda...shouldn’t you watch where you’re stepping you might fall in.” I stuck my hand out hesitantly and we shook.

“Probably.” She stuck her tongue out before taking another two quick steps in succession, “both of our names start with ‘L’,” she paused for a second, and held my gaze for an intense second before nodding decisively, “I think we’re going to be the best of friends Linda.”

And so, it was decided then the two of us were going to be the best of friends right here and then. She was right of course, it wasn’t hard. I was a quiet child by nature and didn’t get along with the other kids whose mama went to church every Sunday, and had daddies who held respectable jobs at banks, firms or hospitals. My mama instead chose to rest on Sundays, declaring working 5 days a week was already hard enough. My father was not talked about, for he has never been a part of our lives. Besides, Lily didn’t give two jacks about church or jobs.

We met as often as we could, and most of the time that meant the weekend. On weekdays we each had our respective lives to attend to, she never asked about mine and I never asked about hers. Our time was not a narrative, it needed no history to create coherence, to hold itself together. It was a precious capsule of space, in which we existed purely in a space of our own making.

We explored the hidden paths I had been too scared to venture down before. She led the way, brushing aside ferns and stepping over undergrowth like a soldier marching into battle. We slid down slopes covered with rain-wet leaves whooping to the wild rhythm of our beating hearts, and everything was alive, alive, alive. Whereas it had been a place of respite and peace before, under Lily’s touch the forest was magical. Each turn sparkled with possibilities of another adventure, of swinging off branches, hooting into tree holes to see which one of us resembled owls the most and laughing, laughing till our eyes watered and our breathes turned into staccato beats. The forest became our terrain, and our home as the months grew by we learnt to construct basic tents from the huntsmen in our town. With the permission of both of our mamas, provided we never ventured into the other half of the forest we began to spend the nights in the forest. And so at night, we’d contemplate about the future and trace out possible routes in the constellations. Orion, we’d go explore the amazon forest. Cassiopedia, we’ll sail the world and leave a mark on every continent we visited. Of course, in every iteration there was always a ‘we’.

At the time, we lived in absolute certainty that nothing would disrupt our rhythm of life. As it is with most things in life, we were wrong. I wish it had been something dramatic, something catalytic and life-changing like what you see in the movies. A story of how we went to the other side of the forest, rebelling against my mama’s wishes. Of how we found some grand yet terrible secret hidden in the depths of the darkness. A conspiracy perhaps, that would be exciting. Or maybe it was the base of a secret army, an organization. It would have been better I think. We would have felt better if some unforeseen yet necessary supernatural force had separated us.

But of course, nothing of that sort happened. Life merely happened as it does to everyone. Lily’s mother found another lover in a bigger city and so, they were gone. We didn’t cry when we found out, instead the sadness manifested in a sort of vigorous energy and madness we applied to everything we did between finding out and Lily leaving. In those brief weeks, the forest endured our endless sliding, walking, we violated my mama’s rule and crossed to the other side. Heaven didn’t fall, thunder didn’t strike but it fueled much of our happiness during that period of time.

It struck me, years after Lily’s departure that perhaps part of the beauty and magic lie within the brevity of our friendship. Its joy unparalleled because it was sustained on the absolute immersion of both of us into our shared source of happiness. Of how sometimes, the briefest of encounters can leave the deepest footprint.


































Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
36 Reviews


Points: 32
Reviews: 36

Donate
Mon Oct 28, 2019 4:57 am
View Likes
Tawsif wrote a review...



I love it!

The story intrigued me with its opening. I liked your pleasant tone, the way you wrote 'mama didn’t care much for God, since praying didn’t pay the bills or put food on the table'. It's the kind of opening that will hardly fail to pique your readers' interest.

You have quite a nice talent of using imagery. Your imagery was resonant, picturesque, something not all writers are capable of.

I did find a few typos here and there.

'For that reason I never venture to the other side for the fear of drowning...' The particular graph this sentence was a part was written in past tense. So maybe it should be 'ventured' instead of 'venture'.

'steppings stones' should be stepping stone.

'shouldn’t you watch where you’re stepping you might fall in' A question mark's missing.

What you meant in the last sentence I couldn't understand. 'Of how sometimes, the briefest of encounters can leave the deepest footprint.' It seemed to as if the preposition 'of' had come out of nowhere (Sorry for the harsh language!

I liked the part where you say the way the two characters parted ways forever wasn't at all dramatic. I liked it very much.

Overall, it was a good story. Very good one indeed.

Keep writing!




Wisteria says...


Thank you for the feedback!



Random avatar

Points: 44
Reviews: 7

Donate
Mon Oct 28, 2019 3:11 am
View Likes
itsmejr wrote a review...



This was such a sweet little narrative. I think you captured the beautiful effortlessness of childhood, and the wild abandon of youthful energy that comes along with it. I love how you focused on the descriptions of their surroundings and feelings more than the dialogue. It made me feel like I was right there with them, sliding down hills and having adventures. There is little background on the characters, but I feel like this helps make the story feel like we the readers are looking into a snapshot of Linda's life, reminiscing with her.




Wisteria says...


Thanks very much!



User avatar
68 Reviews


Points: 3417
Reviews: 68

Donate
Sat Oct 26, 2019 8:20 pm
WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hey, very nice story! It is simple, and though it lacks drama, it is not boring. Sometimes drama is overdone anyway. The basic concept of your story gives the reader something good to contemplate - the idea that we should value and make the most of the friendships we have in the present, and sometimes a short-lasting friendship is just as beneficial for us as a long-lasting one.

I like how you developed the characters and yet left them vague. You didn't give a lot of backstory, which at first I thought was sort of a flaw, but it turned out that it would have cluttered the story anyway. Probably the only errors I really noted were basically minor grammar and punctuation errors.

One of my favorite points was this sentence: "We slid down slopes covered with rain-wet leaves whooping to the wild rhythm of our beating hearts, and everything was alive, alive, alive." It's so cool how you used the word alive three times instead of just saying "very alive" or something like that.

I have to say, your closing paragraph is very beautiful! It wraps up the story very well and reinforces your point. Great job. :)




User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 337
Reviews: 19

Donate
Tue Oct 22, 2019 12:12 pm
EmileeBrightman wrote a review...



Hello! I'm here to review your beautiful story!

I'd like to start off by saying I saw that this has been sitting in the Green Room with no reviews, so I decided to check it out. And, I love it! I enjoyed every part of this story, and never once looked away from my computer screen as I read this. Although it was a longer story, with me having a short attention span, it still got my attention. I'm definitely one for realistic and narrative fiction, so as I said, I really enjoyed your story. I loved how you used little details to make the story move along, along with some of the background information.

I'm not one for really giving out criticism, so sorry if you were looking for that! I'd just like to say once again that this was amazing, and I hope to read more of your works!! I know that they'll be just as good as this one was. When I read this, I could tell that you can go far, just don't give up on your dreams! Honestly, I don't have any negative things to write, because this piece is just perfectly done. Keep up the amazing work, and don't ever stop believing in yourself!! :)





You won't know the outcome of something unless you try it.
— manilla