Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
New school. New Friends. New lifestyle. No secrets. This would be my new life. No more living in secrecy, no more fake appearances, no more hiding my true identity. This new school was the real deal. Everyone would know that I am a vampire, as are my sister and parents.
Not only would our true selves be revealed, we’d be in class with other people like us, other vampires. Of course there would be some humans as well, those few mortals who’d decided to live life on the edge. Not many humans dared to enter a career or school that put them in daily contact with vampires. And they had valid reasons, I didn't blame them. I honestly admired the humans that had balls enough to immerse themselves into vamp culture. If I were a human I’d like to think I’d live a vampire lifestyle.
But I’m not a human. And that is why I am going to this new school, the Preston-Williams Twilight Academy. Seventy-five percent of the student and teacher population is made up of vampires. That fact alone is so overwhelming to me, because my previous school was a humans-only school.
It’s kind of funny how easily humans can be persuaded to believe lies. No one at my old school knew of my family’s deception. For almost nineteen years we’d lived as “humans,” at least according to the humans. But that was all destroyed. Our family was completely uprooted and ruined, simply because those two stupid, insolent -
“Are we almost there?” My sister, Atria, asked me.
“Yeah, it should be right around this corner,” I replied as I clicked on my turn signal. She fell silent and the only noise within the car was the death metal music playing over the stereo.
As we drove down the narrow paved road, enveloped by a tunnel of conifers and deciduous trees I fell into an anxious apprehension. Things could either go really bad or really good here, and I prayed to God it was the latter. Within a minute or so the trees began clearing out, opening up to reveal an enormous black, gothic castle, surrounded by lush green fields and a meandering river.
Behind the school I made out what appeared to be a stable, clean and crisp with a fresh coat of grey paint. White vinyl fences stretched out for the twenty acres I could distinguish, then they disappeared into the trees and brush on the horizon. No horses appeared to be outside at the moment, to my discouragement. Horses always calmed me down and put me at ease.
The castle loomed scarily before me by now and I gulped as I passed through the black wrought-iron gates and stone archway with gargoyle sculptures crawling all over it. The entire school was protected by thick, heavy black iron fences and probably a number of spells as well. No one was out in the courtyard as I hesitantly put my car in park and cut the motor.
The scene was eerily silent and still, as if it were a picture straight out of a history book. The windows in the central tower high above my head were made with stained glass, depicting grotesque battle scenes. At the very top of the tower was a giant bell and clock with Roman Numerals. The rest of the windows were clear glass, but with a more antique, vintage look to them.
The castle was extremely medieval; torches were mounted on either side of the main doors, which were a dark brown wood with thick black iron handles. As far as I could discern these were the only doors into the school. There were three balconies on the front face, one near the top of each of the three towers, the center balcony being the most elaborately made. That was probably reserved for the Headmaster, I imagined.
All along the veranda surrounding the castle, flags were mounted, usually accompanied by a statue of a gargoyle or a bat or some other creature of the night. Many of these flags were the school’s flag, many were plain black, and a few were unfamiliar to me.
As I glanced more carefully at my new home I noticed things previously unseen. Obscure statues made themselves known, melting into existence from the shadows and crevices of the tower walls. If I weren’t so nervous about my impending and immediate future, I would actually be able to admire it all.
Atria already had the door open and was stepping out onto the white pebble drive, scrutinizing her new home critically. I followed suit, immediately locking my car behind me. It was a habit, picked up from my old school. My sister glanced at me for a moment before taking a deep breath and moving towards the sidewalk. We pushed open the double doors and walked into our new school for the first time.
Before us lay three hallways, one in front and two on either side. There were no signs to direct us, so I let out a slightly angry groan and took the path straight ahead of us. I thought it odd that not a noise was to be heard and everything was completely still, in the middle of the day. It was three o’clock in the afternoon, for crying out loud! I thought everyone would be in class now.
“Atria, where is everyone?” I whispered nervously, glancing frantically about.
“How should I know? I just got here too, remember?” she whispered back.
Instinctively we moved closer to each other, silently agreeing to figure this mystery out. An empty cafeteria was on our left. That wasn't too odd, seeing as it was the middle of the afternoon and nowhere near a meal-time. We tip-toed further down the hall directly in front of us, seeing numerous black doors lining either side. There were no windows, none, not in the doors, not next to the doors, and none randomly through the hall to let in the sunlight. Then again, vampires didn't like sunlight, humans did. That could explain why human schools had windows and vampire ones didn't, at least as far as we could tell.
Quietly we approached one of the doors and pressed our ears up against it, listening, hoping to hear the sound of a teacher's voice droning on and on about some war or civil rights movement or the reaction of two chemicals, anything that would indicate we weren't the only two people in the building. Nothing.
“Let's try another,” Atria suggested, attempting to be optimistic. So we did. Again there was nothing. Four more doors revealed the same result.
“Atria, something's wrong here,” I muttered, stating the obvious.
“Maybe they don't use this wing?” she squeaked.
“Maybe... let's try that door up there,” I suggested, nodding at the door at the very end of the hall. Wordlessly she agreed and we walked toward it stiffly.
By the smell in the air I guessed that the red paint coating it was newly applied. A black iron bat served as the handle, its ruby eyes almost seeming to glow in the dim light of the hall. A small panel of frosted glass windows bordered the left side of the door, the first windows we'd seen since entering the school. Through them we could make out a few dark blobs that all seemed to be connected.
Apprehensively we waited, though what we were waiting for I wasn't entirely sure. And then we had a stroke of luck: something inside the room moved. Instantly a huge sigh of relief escaped my mouth. There was someone else here! Hesitantly I reached for the handle, glancing warily at the bat, noting the intricate detail on every facet of its body. Somebody had really taken their time when they made it; the thing almost looked real.
For a moment I held back, not wanting to grab a live bat by the face and end up with its teeth sinking into my palm. Then I shook my head. Nobody would use a live bat as their doorhandle, you idiot. I grabbed the thing and pushed the door open. From what I could perceive, this was the Headmaster’s office, for there was a large black desk in the center of the room and at it sat the source of the movement we'd seen. A large vampire with jet black hair and icy, white-blue eyes glanced up, then smiled, revealing his pointy, shining teeth.
“Good afternoon, ladies. Please, sit down,” he greeted politely, nodding at two plush chairs in front of the desk. His voice had a creepy tone to it, something like restrained evil, as if it took some serious effort for him to control himself from leaping across the desk and taking a chunk out of my neck. Slowly we sat down, perching on the edge of our seats, preparing to run.
The Headmaster's office was like nothing I'd ever seen before. The walls to the left and right of us were covered in hundreds of small and medium sized mirrors that were connected together to make one giant mirror. They reflected everything in the room, every nook, cranny and corner. Not only that, they reflected the mirrors on the wall across from them, creating a never-ending cycle. Reflections of reflections of reflections until one lost count. When I turned my head, thousands of Ariels in the mirrors turned their heads as well. Trying to look at them gave me a headache.
“You must be Ariel,” he said, staring at me intently.
“How- how did you know that?” I stammered, gripping the chair arms tightly.
“Well Ariel is the brightest of Uranus’ 27 moons.”
“S-so?”
“The moon was named after Shakespeare’s character Ariel in The Tempest. Ariel was the spirit who created the tempest for which the play was named and foiled the characters' plans. He worked for Prospero, carrying out his demands in return for his eventual freedom. See any connections?”
My sister and I stared at the man in a silent stupor, not knowing what to say. Luckily he decided to answer for us.
“You are a very beautiful woman, and Ariel is a very beautiful moon. You are in my care, doing my demands at this school until you graduate, and only I determine who passes and who fails. Not to mention you seem dangerous, like you could create a tempest. Ooh, that would be so much fun!” The Headmaster’s eyes lit up excitedly. His reply made the blood rush to my face and I swallowed hard, trying not to reveal how uncomfortable I was.
“And you are Atria.”
“Yes, sir,” she agreed with a gulp.
“Atria, or Alpha Trianguli Australis, is the brightest star in the Triangulum Australe constellation. Atria is brighter than the sun and exhibits stellar flares, which make it a binary star, meaning that it has a companion. See any connections with this one?” the Headmaster asked a bit harshly, almost as if he were calling us stupid. Again we remained quiet.
This is crazy, it's madness! He can't tell who's who because of some bullshit about the galaxy! I glanced at Atria, my face pale with disbelief, seeing her reflect the expression back at me.
The Headmaster sighed and answered his own question for the second time. “You seem like a very bright young lady who can exhibit strokes of extreme genius on occasion, and you have a companion, your sister. Plus, the moon Ariel is older than Alpha Trianguli Australis; your sister looks older than you. It was very evident who was who.” He paused for a minute, observing us with extreme scrutiny.
“Atria you may be a star, but honestly… I’ve always preferred moons…” he finally murmured, glancing at me with a creepy fondness on his face.
“Oh…” I stammered, shooting a wide-eyed look at my star of a sister.
“I’m glad you ladies came to find me, it means I get the pleasure of showing you where your room is,” he purred, his eyes giving off the air of a mysterious, knowing smile. “You will be staying in a room with two other students.” He stood gracefully and made his way to the door.
As he passed me he let his fingers trail across my shoulders and the back of my neck. I froze and my shoulders tensed as I felt his light fingertips graze my skin. Shudders slid down my spine and my jaw dropped open in utter astonishment and horror. I could barely move or think. Had my new Headmaster seriously just touched me like I was his next meal? And not in a food/drink kind of way?
Atria’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head and she looked as speechless as I was. We didn’t have time to process the action because the Headmaster had already exited the room. I paused for a moment longer, still not able to comprehend what had happened. Atria moved first, getting up and pulling me to my feet as the Headmaster strode down the hallway without looking back.
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Hi! I'm here to review =)
I thought I was through with vampires until I read this book the other day. Now I'm hooked again, but not as strongly as before. But I will say that this story is one I hope to watch grow and grow. This is only part 1 of chapter 1? Wow, I wonder it feels like a whole chapter.
I think the first paragraph is a bit clunky. Like, I think it should be separated a bit. I can't believe that there are humans that go to the school. Living on the edge is one thing, but being in a situation where you're in constant danger of being someone's lunch is just crazy. Crazy humans =P
So we meet vampires Ariel and Atria. They seem like a nice pair and I really like Ariel's voice. Your writing style flows nicely and is easy to grasp. I was surprise to find no mistakes in grammar/spelling/punctuation. Good-surprised! It made for a nicer read!
What a creepy guy. Seriously. The Headmaster is a vampire too, right? Why would be touching them as if they were humans or something? I wonder if it's going to be vampires craving vampires. If that's the case, then I know things will get even creepier and scarier. I don't know about anyone else, but to me that's a good thing! I like creepy and scary.
Overall I think this was really nice. I'm still not over supernatural beings yet. Nice job =)
Hey there Winterhawk! Niraco here giving your work a review this fine day.
I did enjoy the technique you used in your first paragraph:
By using short sentences and then a long sentence it adds a rather nice effect which I love to see being used.
Also, I tend not to read stories with the whole supernatural high school mumbo-jumbo and I wasn't really expecting much from this.
A few things did throw me off such as: I found myself rolling my eyes and thinking 'we get it.' I feel like just saying: But I'm not human, would have been good enough . The previous paragraph explained that this main characters is indeed a creature of the night and by stating it again feels as if you're treating the reader like a small child. I understand that sometimes people do get confused and perhaps miss things but I don't think the last part of that sentence was needed.
Another thing that threw me from this story was the amount of cliches I found such as:
And
Again I found myself thinking 'We get it this is a story about vampires'.
On the other hand one thing I did like was that you have both humans and vampires together. I felt that idea alone could have been an interesting set up.
All in all I didn't really like it. The setting didn't really grab me and I'm not into vampire stories. Mainly because they have been done to death - pardon the pun.
But I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes and the English techniques used were very well done. Your writing style is solid.
Good job and happy writing.
thanks for the insight, even though you didn't enjoy it =) to each their own, I suppose. and thanks for pointing out the repetition at the beginning, I didn't even notice it!
Like I said your style of writing is great and you seem to have a firm grasp on writing techniques. It's just the plot which I didn't like. Which is in fact a pretty major thing, hahha.