I only do drugs when I'm manically depressed.
For example, that time I found my lab partner
hanging by his bed sheets, the ceiling fan
twirling him in circles---
also when I told a friend
that being "strange",
"interesting", "unique"
and every synonym in the book
hurts my self esteem.
Constant threats of running away didn't change her mind,
but going eighty in a thirty five while doing it did.
The slow part of the Pacific Coast Highway never looked more pretty
than when no image of it remained constant for more than five seconds.
The Pre-Calc book and abusive bass couldn't block out her screams
from more than a hundred miles away. I could feel the vibration
rumble on my thigh, along with my fist nailing my thigh bone
bassdrumhitafterbassdrumhitafterbassdrumhit.
"tie the loose ends in your life together,
and it'll be all okay",
the one sentence that knows how to
agitate aggravated emotional apathy.
It's saying to tie up together the figurative
noose/dog leash/problems that don't need to be solved.
Degradation isn't fun, hope isn't fun, everything in life
and all in between isn't fun. It's pointless like that
pencil pun you always say to make me feel better.
Once the tire has treaded bare to the rim
and my fists start bleeding over the wheel,
it's a sign that the hippie strikes again
as your car flips
and you become one with nature;
figuratively or literally.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
After a long time avoiding this piece because I don't really know what to say about it, I'm here to give an unorganized, hunger-fueled review of it because it's review day and why the heck not.
Hello, Strange. Why are you so strange?
The biggest criticism I have for this piece is similar criticism that I've given you for your other poems. The stanzas are disjointed and not very connected with each other. This is detrimental to the clarity of the piece. That's not to say the piece wasn't enjoyable to read, and obviously had a strong theme. It's just harder to find. I suggest you use some kind of transition or separating method.
There are only two stanzas about the girl, but I think she must be very important in the poem. I think that incorporating her into more of the stanzas would be beneficial to the clarity and strength of the poem.
Though this poem was dark, you always get that flash of humor in. The pencil pun and the hippie strikes again really got me. Why are you such a good comedian?
I think that my favorite part is that you used spacing to illustrate the quality of the relentless bass drum in the song. It made me think of this song called "Honest Mistake" or something like that by The Bravery. It has a fast bass. I think. I can't be bothered to google it, but that's what this piece reminded me of, particularly that part.
Anyway, I think that that's what I have to say about this. I enjoy it a lot, but it's quite piecey, and you might need to connect it a tad more. Or don't. You're pretty Strange. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings. <3 I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy writing, and happy review day!
Hey Strange!
So I decided to review this mostly because I see you everywhere on YWS and I've had the privilege of reading your other poems over the past couple of years (we joined at around the same time, I think) and watching how you grow as a writer and a poet.
So, on with the review!
This poem overall had very good imagery which I liked. The flow was good up until one of the later stanzas but that was very minor. The one critique I would use is I think this poem could have more power and impact behind it if you tried looking up synonyms for words or using more powerful words in general. For example,
The word degradation really went a long way with me, this word has a lot of power, a lot of impact to me. I think if you tried using more words like this it would have higher impact and more interest.
this was where I felt the flow was disrupted a little bit, with the "noose/dog leash/problems" part I found that tripped me up as I was reading.
Other than that, this poem hit hard. I didn't always understand what was going on at times or what exactly you were writing about, but I liked that. It added a little more mystery and depth to the poem which I found interesting, but not annoying like other poems. Overall, I would give this 9 stars out of 10. You wrote an amazing poem and I'm really glad it's in the literary spotlight. Congratulations
XOXO,
Gravity
Hey there Strange! So it's been a while since I've read a poem all the way through before starting my review and that's a good sign, I promise. There are a couple of places where this feels jarring or I didn't quite find the flow but for the most part it's a really gripping poem and I like the chaos of it. You've done a great job at capturing the speaker's emotions.
I think this line would flow better as 'or' instead of 'also'. I'm not sure what it is about the extra syllable that's throwing me off, but the word also made me pause for a moment too long. I'm also not sure if I understand this second stanza or why recounting that to a friend would be something which pushes them over the edge but I don't think that matters because we'll never understand every person we meet and the speaker is still compelling enough to have my attention.1.
2. These lines are ambiguous and Im not sure if they were meant to be but they stopped me both on the first and second read through while I tried to follow what you're saying. If it's written that way to be purposefully ambiguous then that's fine but otherwise, maybe it should be '...going eight in a thirty five while repeating it did'. I also think that should be 'thirty five zone' and maybe end these lines with a semi colon as the next two are very closely linked.
3. The line break here is awkward and kept really throwing me. I think breaking at pointless would be much more effective.
Overall
I love the ending and that long stretch in the middle where I commented on nothing and generally all of it. So I'm going to end the review there and wish you a good day.
~Heather
FRICKIN' LIIIIT
I particularly liked the seventh stanza;