Young Writers Society

Hello, fellow 16-year-old! Night here for a quick review.

Wow. This was beautiful. It has such a deep underlying meaning that the reader can interpret for themselves. This shattered relationship could range anywhere between an ex-lover to a dead loved one or a friend who fell out. I love this because the reader can easily insert themselves into the situation and create the rest of the story themselves. It is personal, it is sincere, it is relatable. I love how the "marks of faded paint" leave such an impact. This is so intriguing because everyone can relate to that one relationship gone sour or broken that has long effected our hearts.

My only comment would be that maybe I would look up some synonyms for the more simple words, and perhaps try to rearrange the words so that the two "that"s in the third and fourth stanza don't occur in such a way. This is your choice, of course, and either way I think this piece is lovely. Thanks for sharing.

Keep writing and being amazing!

~Night

Well, this is an interesting piece you've got here. Its so short it could as well have been a haiku but whatever, let's get to the point.
So, first of all, its a very tough job to say something strongly in so little words and may I just say, you've done a pretty good job. I feel the emotion, I feel what you want me to and that's all, over. That is what I found most beautiful with this piece.
The title, people may say that title could have been different but trust me, if someone (including me) has clicked on the poem it was only because someone gave an unusually peculiar title to her poem. So good!
Next, the only thing that bugs me is that the poem is very straightforward and there's no place for imagination. If you pay attention I've praised you for the very same aspect in earlier lines, so that's where the shortness of the poem comes into play. You ask me, I'd say that a haiku is not meant to be evaluated so, you get it.
That's all I think. Yeah, one thing more, I particularly liked your name (*hands up*). Nice try.

the poem is creating an imagery and we the readers are gradually getting engrossed but just when we are at the threshold the poem ends- yes i would really say the poem is too short
you have the power to attract people - specially through your title where you don't reveal much, but that attraction needs to be maintained throughout. try adding a few more lines describing a real story through your poem and it will run well and smooth.
please inform me if if you make any adjustments here i would love to read it again...

Hi there, BethanyMarieWright (Okay that was hard to type). Should we start off with the review without wasting any further time? Alright!

To be honest, I really liked this poem but don't you think it was way too short? I really wish that it should have been roughly 3 stanzas or so.
And also, I noticed that the poem has no title. Is there any special reason or were you too lazy to write one? Something's better than nothing so I'd suggest you to never skip the title of any of the works you do. I also have this feeling that you forgot to write it!

A small poem, in my point of view, sound really cute if it is rhyming. I tried to read it aloud but found no rhyme in your one so that was something which put me back.

Having said all that, it was still a really nice piece of your work which you shared with us. And don't worry about the things I said because this is what I think and... well, nobody cares what I think. haha
Do keep writing and I hope to see a lot of great work from you really soon. Cheers!

Hello!

I like this poem. It's simple, and it has a really personal message that I'm sure many people can relate to.

First, titles are pretty important, and I highly suggest that you think of one. "Untitled" does not draw readers in, it does not even give a slight hint as to what the poem is about. I personally like titles that you have to think about kind of hard to get the connection, or ones that act as pretty much another line in the poem. You could call this tack spots or something, but I think that's a little uncreative. Of course, you do what you want, I just highly recommend a title.

As for the poem itself, the concept is nice, and lends itself to simplicity. That said, I feel like this had more words in it than it needed... Maybe not, but in my head, there are several ways to cut down on the words, and in a short poem like this, the fewer words you use to get your point across, the more poignant the reader will feel that point. In my opinion, of course.
I feel like the second to last line was phrased a bit awkwardly. Actually, I feel like the whole thing was phrased a bit awkwardly. I suggest that you try phrasing it in different orders (think: Yoda) and see if there is one way that reads the most naturally. Read it out loud. That does wonders!

Let me know if you have any questions, and keep writing!