Looking around
I can see a group of friends,
laughing hard, speaking aloud.
And then,
Looking at myself
I can see a lonely soul with an empty heart.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
So how did you do that? I mean in just a few lines you conveyed a message. It's just excellent and perfect. You seriously did a great job. Telling about your depression, your stress, your hollowness or whatever you are suffering from in just a few lines, I am really impressed.
May you flourish 
But I will say never ever lose hope. Don't look behind just move forward. It's gone now rebuild yourself.
I have a little problem in capitalization. when you introduce a new line in a stanza or in a poem it should start with a CAPITAL letter.
Like this'
"Laughing hard, speaking aloud"
Wish you a good luck for your upcoming time
Mahvash
Hello! So, a few notes here:
As a short poem, you got to the point quickly and were able to strike a chord in me. Maybe I'm crazy, but I also detected a subtle hint of irony. I get where you're coming from, truly, being a severely depressed individual myself. I think your flow could have been better; maybe add some lines to smooth it out, or take some words away. You also could change some words around. I agree with the previous reviewer, I feel like something is missing, although I'm not entirely sure what. For what it is, it has a very desolate feeling (which I assume was the intention), although it is a simple poem. The length is not necessarily the problem; it is the execution of the poem that leaves it lacking. The drive and emotion is there, it just needs something more. All in all, I think it's good, although it needs some work. As I was reading, I got the feeling that this was intended as a vent piece, and not as one that tons of planning was put into. I think that you are a promising poet, and I'd like to see some of your future works.
Keep in mind that I am by no means a professional writer, and this is just my opinion on the piece.
Buenos Dias.
So, review time; your poem is lacking. Your message is clear, but your points are not made. I understand your feelings, emotions, and especially your hurt here. But you need more emphasis. Your poem is like a jerk on an empty fishing line, for a moment you think something is there, but then you lose it. Does this make sense? Your poem is also too short for what you are saying. Some poems can be as short as four lines and still be good.
Example:
It really depends on your flow/rhythm, your content, and you message. The story told in this one is not quite finished, it feels like it is missing something.
I know this review was short, but I hope it helps you.
Don't be discouraged and Keep on Writing
Hi! Sarah12 here to review. I have to say, this really hit home. The shortness of the poem actually made the point much more clear and sharp. It made me feel like that is all there is to say on the subject, and it was beautiful. You did a very good job with the concept of this poem. One thing I would like to say, though, is that you don't need to capitalize the first letter of each of these lines. The poem is written like a broken up "sentence" so if you capitalize the first line, it would flow off the tongue a little easier if you don't capitalize the first letter of the two lines after that, leave the fourth line capitalized, and then don't capitalize the first letter of the last two lines. Overall though, this was a beautiful poem that had a very clear and sharp concept and point to it. Good job, and keep writing!
Sarah12
Hey!
I really like the idea of this poem and the length but I feel like it just isn't strong enough at the moment. I think once you add more description, maybe a rhyme scheme and just some more poetic color it will be amazing. Try looking at poetry on Pinterest or poems on YWS for ideas and look back on this piece. You don't need to capitalize every line. I really like the simplicity of the poem but I think it lacks something that all poetry needs and that's emotion. That's just my honest opinion though.
Alice ♥