She chose science
As the bus arrived, her reflection greeted her from the see-through glass doors. In silence, she stepped on, her gaze landing on the woman driving. She smiled kindly at her before walking further in, scanning the rows for an empty seat—subconsciously searching for any familiar faces.
She chose a seat three rows from the back. A quiet relief escaped her as she realized she wouldn’t have to share it with a foreign radiance. Looking out the window, she watched as the bus began to move. Thoughts flooded her head as quickly as the scenery passed by.
She took out her headphones and played loud music—loud enough for everyone to hear. The radiances around her shifted from one station to another, all gathered in one place, though destined for different worlds. Yet the music wasn’t loud enough to drown out the noise inside her head.
She closed her eyes, hoping it would sound and hurt less. But she hoped in vain. The bus reached her destination, and she stepped off—slowly, quietly—but never out of her misery.
Nearby, a lake waited. She approached it, hoping it might reveal answers hidden deep within the surface, answers only she and the water would understand. But instead, she met her reflection—the pure and raw truth that stood before her. She refused to give in, and so she ran.
She ran and ran and ran.
Lost. Scared. The only way to cope was silence—
and so she never again uttered a word.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello and welcome to YWS!
So! This is a very lyrical and dramatic piece that almost feels more like poetry and less like a story. Her perception of everything around her is very odd -- instead of regarding people as people and objects as objects, it's like she regards everything as radiance. Which is a bizarre sort of experience which almost seems transcendent. It almost reminds me the story of a saint who, upon stepping out of their cloistered, looked around and pronounced everything as light.
The bus ride is also bizarre... the bus happens to stop at... a lake? Not a typical place for a bus stop! And she goes there to meet her reflection and just runs and runs? The whole things seems surreal, almost like a dream because honestly? That isn't your typical bus ride!
So yeah! It reads definitely more like a nightmare!
I'm not really certain of its meaning or moral, mind you. It kind of just... ends on a disappointing note. When she arrives at her stop, she runs away, more lost before and loses her voice. Nor is it clear how she chose science... like, what about this is scientific? The whole thing seems oddly apart from reality and the natural world and even the lake seems more dreamlike than anything.
So yeah. Definitely strange and more poetic.
If I were to suggest anything, it would be that your writing would be more powerful if you wove a message or something important to say in it. Right now, I'm not sure if it packs as much punch as you want it to.
Anyway, I hope this helps! As always, if you have any questions, feel free to ask!
great job with your work! i like how you compare great loudness with silence, how she heard too much, so she tried to hear more of something better, and then how she chose not to make noise herself. i also like how you use "radiance" to describe so many things, making them not so much something to be seen or pictured or heard, but a certain air to be sensed. you also wrote this to seem very relatable, looking for friends to sit next to, finding none, and then still being at least slightly joyed to sit by yourself. all in all, great work! also, welcome to YWS!
Obs! Misspelled the title. Here's the OG: "She chose silence."