Leave the World Behind

Well, I don't really understand your method of when to move to the next line, so I kind of just read everything according to the punctuation instead of when the line ended (meaning I saved mental breaks for commas and periods). That aside, I will now dissect individual parts of your poem, because I feel that that's the only way to justify what I'll say.

"It gets scary,
When you leave the world behind
and all that's left
is your empty shell
and a heart full of sorrow.
Never again shall I fly away.
I can't bear the thought of everyone leaving me
again."
Despite knowing that the next stanza will give the information I need to make sense of this, I feel that you should move it to the very bottom. I can understand that this adds a bit of build-up, but it would be of better use emphasizing your emotions after the experience, rather than before.

"You see;
when I first left
I meant to come back
and I thought they knew that.
But because I couldn't be there for them when they needed me,
they left me once I got back.
So I decided to leave again,
and see space for it's true beauty."
First of all, even if you disregard what I said earlier, after the first line should be a comma, not semi-colon. Anyway, the word "meant" here, in the third line, makes it sound like you're saying the character didn't, so my suggestion is doing something like "I thought they were aware [new line] That I meant to come back." You could leave it as "I thought they knew," but I was trying to keep the syllables the same. Next, you should never begin a sentence with "but", and in this case, it would still make just as much since to leave it as "But Because I couldn't be there for them when they needed me." Also, on the next line, you could swap "go back" for something that generally sounds better, such as "returned." Lastly, "it's" should be "its", with no apostrophe.

"When I came back to earth again,
they didn't even remember my name.
I don't blame them.
I didn't want them to remember anymore."
I actually have no criticism here, except for the opinion that it should probably be longer to match the length of all the other stanzas.

"The last time left,
I left for good.
I didn't want them to find me at all
and I hooked myself to a shooting star
and away from their grasp's.
I forgot their names.
I forgot their faces.
Only then did they finally realize
I was never coming back."
To start with, there's a little typo in the first line, where you left out "I" after "time" and before "left." Next, I don't think that "at all" would be appropriate on the third line, but something like "ever" would replace it nicely. A few adjustments should also be made where you wrote "and", changing them to "so" and "to get". In short, I, personally, would re-write it like "The last time I left, [new line] I left for good. [new line] I didn't want them to ever find me at all, [new line] So and I hooked myself to a shooting star [new line] to and get away from their grasps."


I apologize for throwing so many corrections at you. I'm not trying to offend you, these are just my opinions of what would make it better, and they're mainly just little adjustments to your words. Overall, you made a really nice poem, and it touched me. I can understand fear of being alone.

I really liked this poem. The description allowed me to get a clear image in my head. It felt like a dream almost. I appreciate the meaning of this writing piece, it was very deep and metaphorical. It sounds like it may have been based of another story.
My rating:9/10

Keep up the good work!

w&w

Hello there, Exception! I'm Storm here to review your poem.
First off, let me say I found I could relate to this very well, although I was trying to think of a good image for it and all I could come up with was when Mario gets the winged cap in Super Mario 64 and he jumps once, twice, three times and he's flying. I know that's really dorky, I'm sorry, it's just the only image that popped into my head...
Anyways, on to the review.
I like your spacing and I don't at the same time. Is this possible? Well, it is now. I like how it's set up, but it doesn't really look like poetry at first glance. I would space it more like this.

"It gets scary when you leave the world behind
and all that's left
is your empty shell
and a heart full of sorrow.
Never again shall I fly away.
I can't bear the thought of everyone
leaving me again."

And then you're next... paragraph? Line? Anyways, your next little bit as a new stanza.
I really do like the spacing you have though. I didn't at first, but it's growing on me.
In your last.. I'm just going to call it a stanza. In your last stanza you have a little spelling error right next to a slight error in your grammar.
"...away from there grasp's."
This should be "...away from their grasp."
Thanks for posting, I really liked this poem.
--Storm