Jane Doe
Jakarta, Indonesia
Dear Jane,
If you're reading this, it means I've decided to leave. Either that, or you've found this before I could burn it. Before you go on exploding into a rant, let me try to explain. I had to leave. Not much of an excuse, huh? I'd always been able to come up with one, but that was before this- plague. Makes me 'tongue-tied'. Yes, an apt description. I really can't think of something better to say; I know a bit about medicine, so maybe I'd be of use.
Who am I kidding? I'm an amateur, a novice, a kid. Nobody, especially in this age and situation, would want to accept help from a child, not even into their teen years. So, why am I leaving you ask? I'm not sure myself, though I have a good hunch. Or it might just be that I don't want to admit it to myself. I lie so well, I fool myself sometimes. But right now, I'm just plain scared.
It's terrifying, watching as everybody, every single person, suddenly starts dropping down dead. Especially when you watch them suffer first. The giant lumps forming on the roofs of their mouths, the sickly blisters on their gums (not forgetting the tongue). It's all just horrible. I'm scared. I had always thought that something like this would never happen, that it was impossible. I really should stop using the word. If you wish, insert saedonic smile here.
Anyway, by the time you've read this, I'll be gone. Long gone. Probably taken a train, hitchhiked, or whatever. You're really noble, Jane. You're staying behind to care for John. I know you'd be devastated if you had to leave him. He's the last living family member you have, isn't he? Don't answer that. It's been great being your friend. I have nothing, nobody, left that ties me to Jakarta. Chris and Daniel are both gone, and so are my parents. Even Kimi's left. This it... it, I guess.
Good luck Jane. You'll need it in the coming years.
Best wishes,
Emily
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,799 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Very nice
. This is really emotional which is good. When a writer puts alot of emotion into their work it makes it seem more real and less fake.
I didn't get why she sent her a letter that she was going to burn. It didn't make much sense in my head for some reason. Overall good job.
Hi I found this letter very well done!
It was nicely refreshing to read something in a different style and I think if you wanted you could develop it into something more- perhaps this being the start of a story?
I couldn't find much but here's a couple of comments on possible improvement:
I think this might be better phrased differently, perhaps 'before you go and get all worked up'.
I'm not that keen on the brackets, it might sound better just as 'the sickly blisters on their gums and tongue.'
As you ended the last paragraph with 'I'm just plain scared' I think you could use another word here like frightened or afraid.
I'm not sure about this- if she was her friend wouldn't she know for sure? To me something like 'We've all got to take care of the family we have left alive.' could fit better.
The first it needs to be is.
I found this piece very moving, if you write more I'd love to read it!