I remember the first time I saw you,
you were as beautiful as can be,
your amazing smile touched my heart and completed me
when I talked to you
I was talking to a beautiful angel from above;
you had the biggest smile on your face it made me fall in love.
I started having all these feelings
for you because I found the girl of my dreams;
it was as if the sun came out and
brightened me with its beams
it made me feel so nice and warm inside,
these are the feelings i cannot hide
I will never forget that special day,
because those memories are kept in
my heart and won't go away.
every day when I go to talk to you
and see you in my life was paradise;
I got to go see heaven in your eyes
the sight was so beautiful,
it was a dream come true,
I wish we were together
just me and you
every time I gazed in your eyes
I can feel that special feeling
when my heart is broken
you're the one that gives it healing
you have always been there for me,
through the good and the bad,
they were the best days of my life
that I ever had
I don't know what I would do without you,
you are the world to me,
I'm trying to give you my heart for free
you mean everything to me,
I wish you knew just how much,
you make my days with just one touch
all I want in my life is you;
you're so wonderful, I'll do
anything to be with you
I will love you till the moon doesn't glow;
I will love you till the winds don't blow.
I will love you till the sun doesn't shine,
I will love you forever,even knowing
you're not mine
you are my best friend and you always will
I just hope someday me and you
will be together so that I can show
my love for real...!
Hey guys, I'm very, very grateful for your awesome reviews but could you leave a like please? I'd like to see everyones opinion on it
Playing to the crowd a bit?
People don't like unless you're popular or the piece is REALLY good. Just the way YWS works I'm afraid.
Whoa, i like this piece of yours. It ain't choppy, the first line goes smoothly to the next and so on.
You made us feel that your love for your best friend will reach 'until the end of time'. It's cute. She probably made an impact on all the aspects of your life.
Nice job,..
=)
Nice work man, loving the rhymes you threw in here, it seems as if rhyming comes naturally to you, which I can guarantee it doesn't me! The theme of love and friendship is well portrayed in the poem, and the repetition of these words demonstrates just how powerful the emotions are for the character. Although the rhymes worked well, they were oddly laid out in some areas, they seemed slightly random and didn't follow a rhythm, but I think it still works really well.
However, there were also many grammatical errors, such as your common use of both past and present tense words in the same stanzas, for example:
"every time I gaz
edin your eyesI can feel that special feeling
when my heart is broken
you're the one that gives it healing"
So watch out for those. The rhythm was also quite dodgy in some areas, when the syllable count got too high in some lines, be sure to use commas to make sure your reader knows how to pace the piece. Spelling was perfect, so I can't fault you on that. But yes, brilliant work, keep it up!
Regards
DNX
You remind me of Pablo Neruda. He's a pretty hit and miss poet. Have a look at some of his work!
This is beautiful. You don't like poetry??? Anyway I saw a few grammar mistakes which were probably accidents. For instance you said go instead of got. But it's beautiful, and will be even more if you fix up the couple grammatical errors
The whole time I was reading this I was like, "I wish he thought that about me." Not YOU, you obviously, a different him, but this is really sweet. You should show it to the girl it's written about! If you haven't already...
your welcome! I appreciate that
I don't like writing poetry, I think it's all soppy and horrible so i started this as a joke... But it turned out quite good I thought so I decided to post it to you lovely people...