Beauty

Hi. This made me happy.

I would tear it apart, but I'm kinda just in the mood to bask in how nice it made me feel. Sorry, if you were expecting me to be helpful.

It is almost like passive aggressive positivity. I don't know how you managed that, but I like it.

Neva

Hi!

So, I liked the ideas in this, although I think you could work more on the way you present them.

I usually lay out my reviews with the negatives first, then the positives. So if you're one of those people who always asks for the good news first, I apologise haha!

1) I notice how you use ellipsis quite frequently throughout the poem. Ellipsis are used when something is absent, either a thought or an idea. They are a great tool for poetry because they allow the reader some ambiguity and get them thinking about your ideas. Of course, I'm sure you already knew that, I'm rambling. Sometimes, they can be overused though. It is good to use them once or twice, but you've used it 4 times and it can seem a little repetitive. If you go through your work and really consider if there is anything omitted from your train of thought and thus, if they're actually relevant, that should solve the problem.
2) You've used two similes in the poem, which although convey good imagery, to me are a little cliched. Although both, "my heart fills up like a balloon" and "it flows through me like rain" provide us with pictures, they could be more original. The poem is very intimate and emotional, therefore draw upon your own emotions, rather than give the reader what they want. Poetry can be selfish! Think of how you've felt in the past to relate to these ideas, then create similes from that. It doesn't matter if they're weird or wacky, they will stay in the reader's mind and make your poetry unforgettable!

Ok, so overall I like the ideas of the poem. My favourite lines are the 3rd and 4th. I can completely imagine how this must feel. Therefore, you need to show this! Think of the vastness of seeng all the beauty in the world at once, it would be truly awesome and overwhelming. Perhaps include some metaphors or similes to describe this image. Poetry is all about making the large and seemingly incomprehensible... well, comprehensible! Just through a few words, we can describe huge, magnificent ideas. That would be my my most important suggestion for you.

Good work! Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
Helen

20 minutes of my life went into this SHOCKINGLY awful poem but... I wanted to post it.