Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies,
Do not you hear my heartfelt cries?
Below the branches, here about,
Do not you sense my fear and doubt?
Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams,
Do not you hear my woeful screams?
Upon the meadows, touched with dew,
Do not you see my hearts a'skew?
Beneath the thousand twinkling stars,
Do not you feel my jagged scars?
Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,
For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees.
It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies,
Accompanied by heartfelt sighs.
It's drifting o're the gentle rain,
A symbol of my silent pain.
It's buried 'neath the meadow fair,
Conjoined with all the sorrow there.
It's lost among the stars this night,
Too far to ease my quiet fright.
No gentle winds, seek not my heart,
For simply ... it has torn apart.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Actually, neither of you is the author of this poem. The real author is Kit McCallum.
*LOCKED, PLAGIARISM*
Again, I have privately asked you to remove this poem because it is NOT YOURS!!! I wrote this poem with great feeling and I do not appreciate you passing it of as yours!! If you do not remove it I will turn you in to my publisher. Thank you kindly, Tiffine Bynum
Thank You all so much for all the praise and I hope to bring you better work in the future! Thanks again!
Nice work! Very Shakespearean. Just one little nit-pick:
Since you talked about a meadow in the stanza above I got a touch confused when you said "'mongst these trees." But that could just be me being overly-picky.
Other then that, I found this amazing. It's got a nice flow to it and you're consistent with your rhyming scheme.
Nice work!
~Rosey
Wow. This was really good, I enjoyed it. Your use of language was good, and your rhyming was wonderful.
Just one thing: try not to repeat the same words/phrases in a poem. Repetition of words for a long time can bore the reader. For example, you did repeat the word 'moonlit' twice.
Anyway, good work, please keep it up, and keep writing!
Wow. This absolutely positively AMAMZING! :] Very rarely do I come across a poem that I do not have a critique for. Well, today, I have.
This poem is very unique. I like how you changed the dialect. It really gave life to the poem.
You have an incredible gift. The way you constructed this poem gave it a feeling of strength. I mean to say, it seems like you knew exactly what you were going to write.
Fabulous. I loved this poem.
Golden star coming your way!
PM me when you post other works. I would love to read them.
-dd9
i really really really loved this poem. usually im a happy type of person, and i dont do well with sad depressing poems which i usually find stupid and irritating. but this was absolutely too well written to be stupid or irritating. i really liked it, in fact.
you must just have a natural something that you put into this poem that made it so lovely, because i cant for the life of me say what exactly i liked about it. i mean, (do not take this negatively because it is meant to be the opposite) it's not as though the descriptions of nature here, ("Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams", "the meadows, touched with dew") are particularly magical or singularly put. but somehow, with the way you rearranged words in a more old fashioned way than usual, you made it just lovely.
i also love that it rhymes, and with such beauty as well. i myself have trouble rhyming without sounding trite and childish (blue, true, you, etc.), and so im thrilled when i find other poets who can do it so well. it is my opinion that in general, good rhyming poems take more careful work and time than do any good non-rhyming poem. (nothing against non-rhyming poems. in fact my second favorite poet, billy collins, doesnt rhyme at all).
overall, i very much enjoyed reading your work. ill keep a look out for more. thanks for the delightful read!
This is a very good poem. Truly, I wish I could write like this. Your rhyming was very well done, and the rhythm and pacing is good. It makes me feel like I'm drifting apart from reality as I imagine what's going on here. Just a few little nitpicks:
I think you can get rid of the apostrophe, since askew is one word.
I think you need a comma after heart.
That should be o'er, if I'm correct. I'm not sure. I haven't used or seen this language in quite a while. Still, amazing.
I really don't have anything to say other than keep up the great work. This was breathtaking, your opening was strong, your ending was beautifully empty. Of course, that is my opinion, since I happen to like empty endings. Wonderful.