Published February 11, 2009
Oh Because You never tried
To bow my will or break my pride
And nothing of the cave man made
You want to keep me half afraid.
Never with a conquering air
You thought to make me unaware
Take me for I love you more
Than I have ever loved before.
And since the body's madienhood
Alone were noeither rare or good
Unless with it, I gave to you
A spirit still untrampled, too.
Take my dreams and take my mind
That were once shapeless, undefined
And "Master" shall I say to you
Because you never asked me too.
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Plagiarism.
Hey Warrior! I'm dd9, your some-what flawed review for tonight.
I'm going to go through your piece with my advice in bold, FYI.
I liked this poem. I think with some editing it could be even better. Let's be honest: It's much better than any poem I could write! :]
In the final lines you say "Master". Could you clarify this? I'm confused on what master you mean. This could be seen in many different ways, some of them could have negative affiliations.
I think that you also need to improve on your punctuation. But don't worry: everyone needs to work on that. Try brushing up on you grammar rules. It helps to refresh your memory every once in a while.
-dd9