All she knows is the taste of tears,
The sound of sobs ring in her ears.
All that's left is a broken heart,
Where her love has left his mark.
She lays and waits for morning light
To grace the bed where she fights
With the tears that drip down her soft lips
And the shivers sent through her fingertips.
While she waits, sleep does not come
To relieve her of her bout of numb.
She cries loudly as her heart slowly beats
And her brain begins to brace her defeat.
His name so softly on her tongue,
Hurts her more than a sad song sung,
And begins to kill her from the inside out.
She barely attempts to live without doubt.
And although she may only need a little time
To gather her wits and restart her climb,
It seems as though there will be no end
To the length of time she must pretend.
But as always, she will fix.
And once again, strong as bricks,
She'll smile on the ones she loves,
And let them know she's risen above.
When that time arrives,
She'll have survived,
But he won't even know.
No...
He won't even know.
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this poem has a lot of feeling in it, but what I liked most was the alliteration, and the way it sounds when read out loud. it's very smooth and even, with a lot of "S" sounds, and some very well timed rhyming, so good job!
the only technical error I saw was the line where it says "to brace her defeat". this should probably either be "brace for" or "embrace" but I wasn't sure which one you mean, so you'll have to work that out.
I also wasn't sure what the overall tone of the poem was, and maybe that was by design, but I was having trouble telling if it was hopeful, sad, nostalgic, or some combination of the three. I was left wondering at the end what the significance of him not knowing what happens to her is. is she sad that he doesn't know she's over him? happy for him? angry that she can't throw it in his face? it was hard to tell. as always with poetry, and really and form of literature, what you do with it is up to you, but I would suggest pushing more strongly in one of those directions. let the emotion in the poetry become the words, and make sure you know exactly what that/those emotion(s) is/are.
once again good job on this, and keep writing! your friend,
---Psudiname
The flow of the poem is a little jagged, but overall, it is a nice poem. It has an emotional feel to it although it seems in the end she moves on and eventually heals from her pain. she realizes the ones she loves are I'm assuming her family. A perfect ending in my opinion. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I just think with a little more practice you will be a great poet. Nicely Done