Ground Mass

I really like this. I believe it's part of a series? I would need to read the rest of the works in the series to grasp the subject matter, but I really really like the imagery of finding something like that. I also like how the lines flow- the poem sounds almost as if it is being spoken, especially the line break between "almost" and "by accident". Someone would pause before saying that in normal speech patterns. You have a definite talent in picking words that mean exactly what you want them to mean. The last line is a little confusing- How could it cry in the wind?
I also think this poem would be stronger if written in the present tense- although you are the writer, and the writer has the most jurisdiction about the piece.

In short, the word choice of this piece makes it pretty, clarity would make it excellent.

Okay, so this poem was a lot different from anything I have ever read, and I hope you take that as a complement. In your description it said something about your third poem. Whether all your poems are connected to this topic or not, I will say that it is mysterious and it kept me intrigued throughout the poem. Okay, how about I shut up and start reviewing your piece.

I want to discuss the title for starters. I think that titles are every important to any story, they are sorta what gives the reader ideas for what this poem is gonna cover. Your title "Ground Mass" intrigued me. I was like, "Okay... What is this all about?" And then I started to read it as I realized that your title was a great tie I to the actual story.


I am a little picky on formatting, especially for poems. For me, the organization of yor poem should be just as good to look than the poem itself. I think that you have spent fine organizing and making sure that lines were even and the poem flowed nicely. If you didn't spend any time on formatting ad it just came out like this then you have obviously got a gift .

The message of this poem is a little mysterious, and I think that that is what I like about it. It leaves room for me to imagine, and I know that whilexsomecreaders don't like that, I do. I really like the detailing and how you have made yor poem very readable.

Overall, for your third poem posted I really enjoyed it and it really was a cool piece that left you wanting more and asking lots of questions. Keep writing! Ou know how to keep your reader intrigued... That's not always simple. But you did it!!!

Keep writing bro.

~#41

Well, I did like this. I mean, it's confusing, but at the same time, maybe that's good. Maybe not all writing has to be clear-cut. (And maybe I'm just not thinking about it enough, lol).
The rhyme scheme was a bit forced.
That's all I can say.
Good luck and keep writing.

Just dropping a review...

First things first, I adored this pome because of it's appealing title and clean structure. Though what confuses me is why you did not add more to it. Like, describe the feelings you must have been feeling, make it flow like the wind in LONG stretches. Add more to it, make it long and unique. Another thing I that pomes carry many sections, I only see maybe two in this original piece. It you want to get the attention this pome deserves you should make it more interesting. Not saying it is bad or anything, in fact I think it is marvelous and quiet amazing. Though it is always better to add more sections and more details and emotions.

I hope to see more of you in the future with better works! I can see you becoming a great writer and poet now. And let me tell you, I like what I am seeing. Keep up the good work, and dazzle me with your creative mind.