Diana

Hey there Hangman, EmmVeePi here with a review.

Well there is nothing wrong with this poem, but there is nothing great either, I dont mean to be mean but it seems as if you've rushed an idea onto paper(and rest assured I've done it many times myself) without giving the idea the effort it deserves.

First of all you rhyme "hope" at the end of lines 2 and 4. I personally loath the rhyming of the same word in almost all situations.

The last three lines of the first verse I actually like very much, probably the best part of this poem, the words speak true to me.

4th line of the second verse could probably do without the "red" it contributes little to the imagery and the line would flow better without it.

I am intrigued by the end of the 2nd verse and it inspires me to question the subject matter.

The ending verse is also good, but too short to carry the weight it could. Try to add more, in fact, if you could bring it up to equal the 8 lines in each the first two verses I think would be best.

I hope you can take these observations and continue to improve this poem and your writing in general. Please keep writing and let me know if you have any questions or comment.

Emm

Straight to the point and blunt, maybe good for some other poems, but not this one.

I like the poem, but I feel you could have reeeeeeaally fleshed it out, made it more articulate or have been more creative in the way you said things.

Overall its a fine poem, their are things you could have done to make it better but then again, nothing is perfect, good luck in your future endeavors bud.

Hello. Wonder here. I thought this poem was beautiful and very emotional. The way you worded every stanza just wept towards all hearts. And I'd like to help you do even better with this review. I have some suggestions.

1st:

You brought about some time,

Spent all within your bedroom walls,

Diana, why did you always

Have to cry at nothing at all?

This was very pretty but I thought maybe it would be clearer and flow better if you had it like this:

You brought about some time,

Spent yourself behind a bedroom wall.

Diana, why did you always

Have to cry at nothing at all?

2nd:

Maybe there was something,

Which you could never describe, or,

Worse, felt as if hiding it would

Cure what makes your heart so red, sore.

It's kind of choppy here it would flow better like this:

Maybe there was always something,

Which you could never describe or,

Worse, felt as if hiding would.

Cure what makes your heart so sore.

The so red is not needed because everyone knows that a heart is red.

Last but not least:

Diana, don’t assume the worst,

From a friend who loves you.

You have a huge gap between the rest of the poem and the last few stanzas. So you could put something like this to separate the last bits:

...Diana, don’t assume the worst,

From a friend who loves you.

Anyway that's it for my review. I hope this was helpful. Keep writing and NEVER get discouraged!

~Wonder