Oh angel of fate I do not believe,
That the fate you have chosen is the fate for me.
For I make my own fate you cant hold me in,
I’m not a caged bird in a lions pin.
Oh angel of fate it’s not up too you,
I make my own destiny this fate I choose.
Why do you make me color in the lines?
I am an artist my pallet is fine.
This is my life don’t chose for me,
I make my own destiny.
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138,281 Literary Works • 672,096 Reviews
Nice poem! Just a few nit picks, Angel of Fate should be capitalized. Also,
"too" should only be one 'o'.
Other then that though, I loved it! Nice going!
Nice poem! Just a few nit picks, Angel of Fate should be capitalized. Also,
"too" should only be one 'o'.
Other then that though, I loved it! Nice going!
I absolutely love this! XD
The theme, the air it has----I loved it.
I don’t know what to comment on exactly, because it was so good lol
I guess the only thing that could be improved on it is a slight grammar mistake here or there, but who’s paying attention to THAT when the words are so musical in and of themselves?
Beautiful!
One part that I felt was re-said twice, was this:
And then the closing read:
I felt like they were really closely worded, but other than that, it was epic.
P.S: I loved this part:
Charade--- <3
Hm.. what can I say...... I LOVED IT! Absolutely L O V E:d it!
The structure - perfect, the flow, the rythm, impeccable!
Okay so there were a few, few, little nitpicks...
* I agree on the reviewer who said it should be "Angel of Fate"
* Also, it should be "to", no "too" on the fifth line.
My favorite line was the one who read "I am an artist my pallet is fine" But I personally think there should be a comma after the word "artist"
Overall: Brilliant work! Please notify me if you need something else reviewed, you're talanted and your work deserves to be both read and reviewed!!
Oh, I almost forgot! You get 5/5... ehm, you can choose what standard you want on your spiders, but personally I'd go for the icky, sticky ones!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Oh angel of fate I do not believe,
That the fate you have chosen is the fate for me.
For I make my own fate you cant hold me in,
I’m not a caged bird in a lions pin.
Oh angel of fate it’s not up too you,
I make my own destiny this fate I choose.
Why do you make me color in the lines?
I am an artist my pallet is fine.
This is my life don’t chose for me,
I make my own destiny.
Every single word is written perfectly on this poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1: You should have seperated this into stanzas like someone had said about one of my poems.
2: You wrote it is not up "too" you. It should be: it is not up "to" you.
And that's about it. You rock absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love how you choose your words as carefully as you do! It's awesome!
on't you ever stop writing!
Angel Of Fate really show how a person has to develop their own voice as an artist
A great message! Very good protesting against how "fate" would bound you to living only a certain bit of life when you know that you are capable of so much more and want to live life to the fullest and like you seem to say, "colour out of the lines"
Very good, well done!
I love this, its amazingly awesome!!! This is my favorite part
I love the rhymes you made!!!
The grammar has already been corrected, not that I was gonna nit-pick at that, haha.
I agree with Sassykat though, this does appear to be thought out and it's a strong, expressive poem.
I especially enjoyed:
"Why do you make me color in the lines?
I am an artist my pallet is fine."
--It rhymed nicely and gives the reader some interesting imagery. Simple, but it works.
I hope to see many more great works from you, if the Angel of Fate will allow it
This was really good. It was inspiring. It is a poem well thought out, and it flows pretty well. There were hiccups in the rhythm here and there, especially towards the end, but It's fine the way it is so I think they can be overlooked. This poem is a poem coming from a strong personality! I like your style!