A purple-ish horned trailing a smoky sky
A Harriet baring down forf from glowing eyes
I glow towards a tower most high
Only need for those who die
Seldom have we spoken to the fathers high
Wielding as such a broken eye
Knowing now and then we cry
Scraping forth we come to die
Alone I swelter this lonely dye
Feeling it trothing as it does try
Again I say die
Again I say try
Again I fall knowing only Lie
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello there,
I have to say that I really enjoyed your poem , but there are a few thighs you could do better. For one whole composition isn't really good, and it kinda ruins poem. It's not really clear what was the message you were trying to send, and in the end there is a lot of questions unanswered . Your paragraphs should be longer because this way it doesn't seem to hold somebodies attention. But I like the overall tone of your poem and it's pretty interesting... Keep writing
Hello, Virgilius! It's amazing what a lack of sleep with inspire, right?
First comment is I really liked this. It's different from a lot of poems out there, and it's very feeling while short at the same time... and it rhymes which is a plus in my book!
horned just seems like it's missing a noun. I know it's like that for the same reason that the poem is entitled "Unnamed" but it just seems like a hole to me.
"needed"?
Apostrophe needed between r and s
So this just is awkward so maybe if you made "Lie" plural or put an "a" before it, it'd fix that problem. Anyway, I liked it! Thumbs up!
~Ruby