E - Everyone

The Augury of RiverClan - Chapter 1.1

Rain water gushed over the edge of the camp as Riverpaw helped Halfface crawl over the reed barrier towards the forest. Shorestar padded behind the pair, holding Stormkit in her mouth."I haven't seen flooding this bad since I was a 'paw," Halfface croaked over the thundering sky. His different colored eyes shone like flames in the dark.

"I doubt we'll see anything like it again any time soon," Riverpaw replied hastily, scenting his Clanmates. "They went this way."

The ancient tabby tom leaned heavily on the apprentice. Stormkit's mewling was drowned out by the rolling thunder and deafening rainfall. The water hit Riverpaw's back like wasp stings-- quick, repetitive, and annoying. He'd have to check with Pinestep to see if she could give him a poppy seed after the rain was gone. They had been the last cats to leave camp; Tawnybird, the deputy, had led the others to the top of the hill that led into the forest.

"I'm losing their scent," Riverpaw yowled to his mother. "The rain's washing it all away!"

Shorestar passed Stormkit to Riverpaw and padded to the other side of Halfface. "We just need to get to higher ground!" she howled back. "We can find the Clan later. Take Stormkit and go; we'll catch up!"

Riverpaw felt the small kit's soft fur in his mouth as he picked up the little she-kit. Her tangy scent filled his nostrils as he charged up the hill, bounding over rocks and water-soaked bushes.

"I don't like the rain," he heard her complain. "I want Pale-eye!"

Riverpaw ignored her for now, pausing to glance back at his mother and the elder. They were nowhere in sight-- had the water washed them away? Or were his eyes failing him in the dark, dreary storm? Regardless, the silver tabby turned back up the hill, following Shorestar's instructions.

"Riverpaw!" A soaked tortoiseshell she-cat bounded over to him from the trees, water dripping from her pelt. "C'mon, the Clan's this way! Pale-eye and Thornstrike have been worried about Stormkit."

Thank StarClan for Speckleheart, the apprentice thought as he followed the ancient warrior. The camp had never flooded since Riverpaw had been born; the rain had never been this bad, either. If RiverClan was suffering, he could hardly imagine how the others were handling all the rain.

"Quick, up into the trees," Speckleheart mewed as she snatched Stormkit from Riverpaw's jaws. The old cat pounced onto a low hanging branch and then crawled into a hole in an old sycamore. Riverpaw looked at the the trees and tried to look for one that'd be easy to climb; he settled on an ancient oak, unsheathing his claws and taking hold of the bark. There were a few cats already up there, but with so much rain, he couldn't tell who they were.

As he reached some higher branches, he heard a tom call, "Where's Shorestar?" Berryfur's wise yellow eyes pierced Riverpaw's pelt as he clawed his way over to a sturdy branch.

"She told me to take Stormkit while she helped Halfface!" the apprentice called back. "She said she'd follow as soon as she could!"

"Then we must trust StarClan!" the water-drenched tabby called back. "This rain stings like nettles, but we're safer here than below."

"Agreed," Mistyfur mewed loudly from another branch. "With some luck, every cat will be okay!"

"Not Barkfur," Blackfoot retorted from another tree. "The water killed him!"

"What?" Riverpaw gasped. "When?"

"Not too long after he saved Lightningsong!" the dark-colored she-cat bellowed. "He fell into the river and was washed away!"

Riverpaw dipped his head. "May StarClan light his path," the tom mumbled. "What about--"

"Look!" another cat called. "It's Halfface and Shorestar!" Indeed, their pale-pelted leader was dragging Halfface up the hill. A black and ginger she-cat leaped down from one of the trees to help.

"Sunsetfur needs to be careful," Riverpaw mewed to himself as the she-cat helped Shorestar carry Halfface towards the trees.

The apprentice watched Berryfur climb down the tree they were in and join them. The old tom mewed something to their leader and Sunsetfur, and Halfface muttered something Riverpaw couldn't hear. A beam of light landed on Berryfur's face. Before the medicine cat could say anything, Riverpaw had known what it was.

"Look!" the tom hissed a moment later. "A sign! StarClan has sent a sign!"

"What is it?" Lightningsong croaked.

Berryfur circled Shorestar and then looked at Lightningsong. "StarClan says that the rain will end soon! RiverClan will survive!"

Relief flooded Riverpaw's mind as he felt his muscles relax. Shorestar, however, didn't look as happy. "Tawnybird," she called, "set up three hunting patrols. The prey will be scarce in this weather, but the Clan needs to be fed!"

From the hole in the sycamore, a golden tabby crawled down to his leader before turning to the Clan. "Riverpaw!" his deep voice mewed, "take Pinkpaw and your littermates deeper into the forest. You might be able to find some mice in their nests. Runningwhisker, Stream, and Quickflash, try to see if you can find some fish. Take Pinestep with you; some cats have scratches or are in pain, so any herbs you find will be useful."

I'm leading a patrol? Riverpaw thought as he started to make his way back down to the ground. This should prove interesting... The silver tom padded close to the deputy as he waited for his siblings and Pinkpaw to join him. Bright pink eyes flashed in the darkness, and Pinkpaw's soggy white pelt seemed to materialize within the mist.

"Where are the others?" she screamed over the rain.

"We're coming!" Havenpaw cried, shaking some water from his thick black pelt. Ripplepaw and Graypaw followed close behind.

Riverpaw turned and started to pad towards the edge of the trees, flicking his tail for the other four cats to follow him. His bright green eyes pierced through the darkness as he scanned the muddy terrain around the cluster of trees. "Let's go."

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
starlitmind
Review

HELLO I AM HERE

Rain water gushed over the edge of the camp as Riverpaw helped Halfface crawl over the reed barrier towards the forest.


I like how many tiny details you included in one sentence! I know what the weather is like, and "reed barrier" is a simple but effective setting description c:

His different colored eyes shone like flames in the dark.


Perhaps instead of saying "different," you could describe the specific colours?

Riverpaw replied hastily, scenting his Clanmates.


The latter part is nice, I now know that the cats can sniff each other out xD

He'd have to check with Pinestep to see if she could give him a poppy seed after the rain was gone. They had been the last cats to leave camp; Tawnybird, the deputy, had led the others to the top of the hill that led into the forest.


Okay this could totally be just me, but I feel like the last sentence doesn't really belong intros paragraph? It was mostly about the rain / description, but then it kinda switched to actions / events. Again, could totally just be me, but I thought I'd point it out! ^_^

"I'm losing their scent," Riverpaw yowled to his mother. "The rain's washing it all away!"


I'm loving all of your cart-themed verbs, you have quite the variety! c: cx

Riverpaw felt the small kit's soft fur in his mouth as he picked up the little she-kit.


Perhaps you could reword this to prevent the repetition of "kit"? you could really just say "...as he picked her up" or something like that! ^_^

"Not Barkfur," Blackfoot retorted from another tree. "The water killed him!"


OMG WAIT WHAT, somebody died?!?! ahhh I feel so bad </3 that news must be so shocking to the cats ahh I feel so bad

Riverpaw dipped his head. "May StarClan light his path," the tom mumbled. "What about--"


The sad thing is they have barely any time to mourn over his death because they're so focused on survival right now. I hope they're able to give a proper goodbye once they all get out of this mess

"Look!" the tom hissed a moment later. "A sign! StarClan has sent a sign!"


IT'S THE BATMAN SIGN THINGY!!!

Something I noticed while reading is your verbs encompass a wide range; they're quite diverse and unique, and I love how for the large majority of this, you used pretty strong verbs, instead of something like "said quietly." it was very noticeable, because I know that's something you've asked about and have been working on, and it really shone in this chapter for me! ^_^ so I just wander to point that out to you. you also managed to use a lot of verbs that relate to cats, so that was yet another plus xD

another thing I noticed is that you were able to effectively build tension throughout this! whenever the cats were getting worried / panicking about the waters, I was like omg everyone is going to die 0.0 with your descriptions, specific verbs, and dialogue, I was drawn into the disaster that was unfolding and was pretty invested. I think you did a great job with building tension and worry and suspense, so I thought that was awesome!! ^_^

and that's all I got for you!!! I hope these comments can help you in some way c: good luck in your future writings, much love to you <3333

Aw, thank you for the review <33

Much love to you, too c: <333333333

User avatar
Ilium417
Review

This is awesome! Cool story. The names, man, they're awesome XD Like 'Lightningsong'? That's so cool.
A review is supposed to be a critique, so here's a couple things I noticed.
You seem to be throwing us in the middle of the action, and that's REALLY GOOD! It's a really good way to start the But you use a lot of terms that when I was reading, I didn't understand some of the things you said. For example, it felt like I should've known a lot of the characters when all of them were completely new. Thus, it didn't spark as much of an emotional reaction when someone died, and also wasn't as much of an intriguing statement when Riverpaw was chosen to lead the patrol. I think you were trying to do foreshadowing, basically telling the reader, "Do you wanna know why it's interesting? Well, keep reading!" I think that's cool but it wasn't that clear.
Other than that, it was nice! You have a nice way with words and good imagery. It really felt like I was reading a novel! Good job!
Quick note: I don't think you finished the line at the end of the first paragraph. There's no period XD Just somethin' to note.
Peace and Tacos be with you!

Oh something else that I didn't note in my review (my bad):
It was really cool how you demonstrated the Clan's dependence on StarClan. It was awesome!

The one death wasn't supposed to mean much :P It'll be my job to get you to love everyone else along the way c:

Oops, nope, missing a period there XD

Thanks for the review c:

No problem :D It's gonna be a really exciting book to read. Maybe I should get started on mine... XD

Okay I'm planning to do a proper review later BUT is this
is this just the prologue to Crookedstar's Promise but with your OC in it XD

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo XD

I had no idea you'd read this, or maybe I just forgot, but would you be interested in me just having a heart-to-heart conversation with you about how this story I've planned is going to be more lore-based than every book since "Bramblestar's Storm"? It took me days to figure out when this takes place XD

No, this is a prequel that starts years before SkyClan leaves the forest and has a much more detailed plot with more interesting characters cause tbh lots of those cats were not rounded out very well and its obvious that so many of those we rushed and not lore-accurate ;-;

... so this is the prologue to Crookedstar's Promise but set before SkyClan leaves the forest? XDDD
It's just... the floods, the characters, Stormkit, the way this is set out... Major Crookedstar's Promise vibes XDD and I should know I've read the book about a hundred times and that is not an exaggeration

oh heck yeah hit me up with that LORE baby and we can agree about how everything after Bramblestar's Storm is almost garbage but I'm reading and loving it anyway because NOSTALGIA

That wasn't intentional, but trust me, not C's P XD

YES, NOSTALGIA! I have to admit, tho, SkyClan's still awesome, I just miss all the dead kitties ;-; Oh, and Bristlefrost is cool. Wtf happened to Jayfeather?? SO MANY INACCURACIES, JUST KILL ME NOW

Skyclaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
can we agree that Shadowclan got the short end of the stick though like they're so neglected and everyone hates them and they don't deserve ANY OF IT IT WAS ALL TIGERSTAR THAT MESSED THEM UP

I think most people can agree SkyClan is the best Clan because Echosong, Leafstar, and Shrewtooth

AND RAGGEDSTAR AND NIGHTSTAR AND BROKENSTAR

Blackstar could've been better, he was kinda average, I guess? I have a lot of issues with Rowanclaw, BUT I AM POED THAT TIGERHEARTSTAR IS BEING TREATED SO BADLY NOW, HE IS OUT OF CHARACTER AND I AM ANGRY! SHADOWCLAN DESERVES IT'S OWN FIRESTAR, CREW THUNDERCLAN FOR ONCE! WHERE DID RIVERCLAN GO, EH???

hldjflsk the series after Bramblestar's Storm just kinda took a sharp left turn into madness
I love it anyway though

B' S was kinda bad, I feel so sorry for Squirrel and kinda hope Bramble stays dead forever. She's better off without him.

But at least we still have Graystripe to tell everyone "Hey, stop it mousebrains, or I will drag Firestar down here to haunt Bramble's body."

IKR??? Squirrel deserves better. #justiceforsquirrelflight

Graystripe my cranky old child
I love Graystripe, he's the best XD

Yes, #justiceforsquirrelflight

Yes, Graystripe is awesome XD ahh I reread the first tw books the other day, and the nostalgia ToT

I should go back and reread the originals, I own almost all the books up to the Vision of Shadows arc~

I don't own them, I've had to borrow._. But I've read most of them! There are a couple I won't read, tho-- like the Tigerheart Super Edition. 99% of the people I know were like "This is basically HP and the Cursed Child, but with warriors, it's a fanfic by the authors, don't read it, it's too cringy to exist"

oh GOD the Tigerheart Super Edition it was so bad
still gonna buy it and reread it because I like Tigerheart but it was definitely worse than the entire rest of the series put together

I'm not sure why I read them other than to see how my fav characters die. Given that Mistystar still has all of her lives, and it would be illegal to kill off Jayfeather, this may take a while XD

Man Mistystar gets so much crap for being a "bad leader" in the later arcs but like can you blame her for her actions

I think she's a really good leader that didn't always make the best choices. But way better than Leopardstar, Onestar, Tigerstar the First, and dozens of others. She's a baddass and I love her and she will never die c:

Mistystar is one of the best leaders in the entire series, and yes, she's a badass who will never die :D



Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.
— Welcome to Night Vale