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by VictoriaBarton

Flowers, swaying in the breeze

Flowers, always making me sneeze

Flowers, a lovely place for bees

Flowers, a favorite thing for me 

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37 Reviews

Points: 311
Reviews: 37

Fri Jun 18, 2021 3:16 pm
rida says...

When I read:
“Flowers, always making me sneeze”
For some reason, it made me visualise your avatar sneezing

omg that's adorable

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32 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 32

Fri Jun 18, 2021 1:01 am
TheWarriorMingan wrote a review...

Hello, Victoria! Welcome to YWS!

Okay, this poem is short and sweet, and I especially liked how it rhymes and how you began each line with "Flowers". Since the poem is short, punctuation is not necessarily needed, but it would be welcomed.

Once again, it's good to have you here!

-Truly, Mingan

Follow your heart, and nothing will go wrong. (concerning writing)

Thanks for your review. And I love the clarification at the end XD <333

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150 Reviews

Points: 8268
Reviews: 150

Thu Jun 17, 2021 9:35 pm
WinnyWriter wrote a review...

Hey, there! I saw that others have been reviewing your work and thought I'd check it out. This is a cute little poem, and I like how the simplicity keeps a light feeling about it. Also, nature topics like these are really good for painting mental pictures with words. You've done well describing the topic - flowers - in a way that allows the reader to see it in the mind's eye.

I like how you've chosen to rhyme your lines. Rhyming and structured form in poetry can be tricky to manage, so I commend you on this. Great job with the structured format and the consistent capitalization of the first letter on each line. One thing that I will offer a suggestion on is that you put end punctuation after your last line.

I think it's cool how the narrator mentions that flowers make them sneeze, yet they still quickly conclude that they love flowers anyway. To me, it sort of evokes the concept of choosing to see and appreciate the beauty in all things.

Great job with this poem! Keep up the good work!

- Winny

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46 Reviews

Points: 1
Reviews: 46

Thu Jun 17, 2021 9:11 pm
YourFriendQuirks08 wrote a review...

Heya, just a short review for a short piece!

Flowers, swaying in the breeze

I love how you set the scene by introducing the flowers and the way in which they move. The word swaying also indicates a soft breeze like summer days! It gives the poem a happy mood too.

Flowers, always making me sneeze

DON'T EVEN REMIND ME OF HAYFEVER *Scrunched up angry face*. Either way this line gives a magical, cute way of showing allergies. Idk why but it just gives a happy, unbothered mood!

Flowers, a lovely place for bees

Again, you set the scene really nicely here! I love the use of nature to easily show what it going on, despite the short length.

Flowers, a favorite thing for me

I really like how you introduce yourself at the end! It shows that you care for nature more than yourself which is nice to include in here.

The rhyming is great too ; AND THE SYLLABLES ARE THE SAME FOR EACH LINE :)
stay safe and keep on writing (you got talent)
Rubes x

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76 Reviews

Points: 1603
Reviews: 76

Thu Jun 17, 2021 4:40 pm
NivedaJames22 wrote a review...

Hey Victoria!

Wow! This is a nice little poem. I like how it's simple and not too deep. It's light, and an easy read. It's got a pretty smooth rhyme scheme as well.

I like the repetition of the word "Flowers". It sort of gives an emphasis to the whole idea.

I like the flow of the poem and the rhyme scheme, with "breeze" and "sneeze", and "bees" and "me".

I like the images that you portray, with the swaying flowers, and a person sneezing( maybe they have pollen allergies??), and the busy buzzing bees.

On the whole, I think it's a sweet little poem.

Keep writing. <3

Thank you so much for your review. I enjoyed writing this as well.

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68 Reviews

Points: 3539
Reviews: 68

Thu Jun 17, 2021 3:48 pm
anne27 wrote a review...

Hi VictoriaBarton! Im Anne here to review your beautiful little poem.

I absolutely loved it, it created the scene of sitting in a green full of flowers in my mind, something I've been missing out from a long time. This poem reminds of the kind of peace nature can give you. When you just observe it. The repetition of flowers was so lovely and sweet. The rhyming scheme too was amazing, all but the last line. Don't mean to offend you, but 'me' didn't fit in the poem like the others.

I'd suggest something like

Flowers, swaying in the breeze

Flowers, a lovely place for bees

Flowers, they never displease

Flowers, always putting me at ease.

The poem had various good qualities. It was elegant, short thus requires less time to read and is very calming. On the other hand, if the poem does have the same meaning as I interpreted, then the second line is an outcast. The thought of flowers always meaning someone sneeze, stirs up an image of discomfort which didn't quite flow with the poem, considering the fact that the poet has declared flowers to be his/her favorite thing.

Overall, though, the poem was good!! And if you've just begun poetry, its definitely a good start. Keep writing and improving!! :)

Thank you! To be honest (and I know it sounds stupid) but sneeze was the only thing I could think of that rhymed. I definitely need to expand my vocabulary when it comes to poetry. Thank you so much for your review!

However, even tough sneeze was the only thing I could think of, it also has some significance to me because I have really bad allergies, so even though I love flowers it can sometimes be really hard for me to be outside with them for long periods of time.

anne27 says...

No problem! :) Yes, I know, rhyming can be hard sometimes, but there are various websites too to help you out. For eg,
Ah ok! Thanks for the clarification.

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Points: 58
Reviews: 1

Thu Jun 17, 2021 2:55 pm
DrakeGod wrote a review...

i found it really interinsting but kinda of shallow and maybe, just maybe try to do something that has a deeper meaning,as it is right now i genuinely think its something that my Phylosophy teacher would say,it kinda comes out a bit genereic compared to other poems that i saw but i really like the Innocent way the Poem is whritten,overall good work

PS:sorry for sending 2 repeated comments i am new here

np, thanks so much. In the future, as I explore writing poetry, I'm sure I'll be able to improve.

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Points: 58
Reviews: 1

Thu Jun 17, 2021 2:50 pm
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DrakeGod says...

Simple,and Maybe a little to simple,try to do something more Complex or with a deeper meaning

Thanks for your feedback!

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160 Reviews

Points: 7050
Reviews: 160

Thu Jun 17, 2021 2:49 pm
chikara wrote a review...

Hey there Victoria!

I talk about repetition a lot in my poetry reviews because it always has some kind of meaning. It could symbolize the general idea you want to showcase, it could add an effect that catches the attention of readers, or it could be something completely different. There are so many aspects of poetry, and all of it is beautiful to see because it's one of the closest points you can be to a person's vulnerability, depending on the attachment.

I'm not really sure which one of those are what you went for, and it might even be under the category of the last bit. Since I can't give out specific commentary on one certain kind of repetition, I will just avoid that in the review because I want to give feedback that is helpful and not something that comes off as pushy or ignoring the actual work.

Let's get into the review section now~

Flowers, always making me sneeze

I love how this creates a carefree atmosphere for the rest of the poem. It reminds me of spring and what that could symbolize to people. It's also humorous without being considered satire, which is a little refreshing to see; I wish that you would've either went all out on that theme because like I said, it's not common to see humor instead of satire.

It's also interesting to see that paired with the contrasting ending line, and it creates a cool and kind of confusing scene that the narrator is fighting with themselves quite literally and ignoring their health concerns because of how extremely they love flowers.

That's all I have to say because this was quite short! Nice work!

- chi

Thank you so much for your review. I love getting reviews from people who are better at writing than I am. I can learn so much! Thank you and keep reviewing! <333

Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
— Quentin Crisp