Those chains wrapped around me, Tightening, strangling me. Memories whirl around my brain, Flashing, driving me insane. Saying one joke. My eyes screening, Do they think I’m crazy, was it funny? Oh God they think I’m mad. Quiet! No need for another embarrassing moment. Like the time I stroked a guy’s thigh on the bus. It was an accident I swear! Although he didn’t think so.
Tapping my head: forget it, FORGET IT! Everyone stares at me. Bunch of idiots, Who cares about them anyway? Not me! But still, he’s talking to everyone else. Everyone else except me. Is something wrong with me? Is it my looks, my sarcasm? Tapping my head: forget it, FORGET IT! I am imagining things. The times I was called ugly are gone. The scars are healed. Everything’s fine. But how do I know? There’s no one to ask. How do I know they aren’t laughing at me? How do I know their whispers aren’t about me? Locking myself in the toilets, I wonder: There’s something wrong. People are avoiding my gaze. But why? I can change my appearance, my weight? Wear dresses? Make-up? Would that help? Quiet! Wait I can drink too? Although I’m a lightweight. Please? Just tell me what to do! No. It’s his fault, hers, and theirs! If you were kind to us, we’d be ok.
But those chains... They are becoming more constrictive. Their innocent laughter becomes snarls, Their red eyes are scanning my soul, laughing At the secrets hidden inside. I just want to scream!
That’s it, I’m going home Where their eyes cannot follow me. But one day, I’ll break those chains And hold my light for the world to see.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
Review,
Hi there, I thought that this deserved a review. First of all I loved the font you used. I feel like it matches the mood of the story. Great Job! Now for a short review.
Positives
It had a great title
The words had great detail
It was intense, but moving
Negatives
You used me a lot in the story.
I did not have a lot of negatives for this, I thought this poem was great and I suggest keeping up the great work.
keep writing
~cassaundra~
This is a deep poem. I like it. While it is about anxiety, I feel it also applies to depression and other issues that people go through. I feel that you did a good job at making it feel like inner monologue. I feel that the second stanza is quite long and it would benefit if you separate it after the line "I am imagining things." It would allow it to flow better. You reference chains a lot but I feel that you don't really explain the chains. I think descriptive words or phrases like, "societies chains constrict, why do the blades dig in so deep." not that exactly because it doesn't go with the rest of the poem but I think if you were to add description like that it would help convey that feeling you are looking for and help add color to the scene you paint here. I don't see any major errors that just make it problematic. Personally, although missing some descriptors, it does reach me and make me stop and think. This is the whole purpose of a poem, to make your reader feel what you are portraying. You do this beautifully in the poem and I think that it works well the way you wrote it. It is definitely a rare writing style in that you embody the thoughts of someone without it feeling like you are talking to your reader but rather letting them hear the thoughts of the person. Again good job, I hope you continue writing and can't wait to read some of your other works.
Wow thank you very much. I'm really glad you liked it. And you are right, it does apply to depression as well I just didn't have enough space to add it in the description. Actually my friend, who suffers from depression as well told me that it's like a simple thought or embarassing moment can spiral out of control. You can't control it. I was trying to portray that idea. Thanks for your comments about the chains, I always imagined it like that so I thought it made sense. But you are right, it does need a description. Also, like I explained I'm still working on the structure and punctuation. I'm really glad you got it though, especially since it's something so difficult to explain, it made my day
I like the way you have portrayed the feelings of an introvert person.The poem does not contain rhyming words at all.It's good like that.But, I think it would be better if it was rhyming.I like the way that you call it chains.I think the poem would be better if there was a symmetry in the paragraphs.It would be better if all the paragraphs contained the same number of lines.Though it's quite good.Keep it up! and keep writing!
Hi(love the digimon avatar btw), thank you. I know my structure needs work and I'm working on it. I just find it hard to have all those thoughts neatly organised if that makes sense
but I'm really glad you liked it.
Wow, I don't even know how to approach this. Although it did seem a little scattered everywhere it makes sense. I suffer from acute anxiety and so I can understand. Your choice of words seem okay to me. Your use of punctuation seems a little everywhere too but again it makes sense. I'm not very good at reviewing work but this is a good poem and makes sense.
Hey, yeah I agree I'm stuck with the punctuation and the format. I'm still working on it but thanks for the review, glad you liked it
You're welcome!