Fading Life

Hi there!

Great poem you have here. I don't see any break in the flow, even though your third stanza is less lines than the other three. The words you chose to use are great, something that I find very important when writing a poem.

One thing I wanted to point out is the very first line. It simply says "to me". This confuses me. At first I thought it was an introduction, like you were going to say 'to me' and then ramble on until the last line said 'this is life' or something like that. But there seems to be no closure after this line. Maybe I'm missing something?

Your spelling and grammar is great; I see no mistakes there. I like your imagery as well. You definitely paint a picture in my mind as I'm reading this. Good job.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

Hi!I am going to be the third reviewer...anyways, this poem is so much overwhelming that it simply pulls you inside it...It has so much expression...and really it has such an unique theme...it is so much persinalised that it does not feel that it is something unfamiliar...it instead feels so much familiar and I feel that anyone could understand it or atleast relate to it. Good job!! So...you said you wanted it to be a lyrics well, if you still want it as lyrics then maybe you could add some punchline ti it or maybe a chorus...a choruss will help a lot actually...And then I really did not undetstand why you punctuated this poem in such a strange way...I mean that you punctuated the last two stanzas properly but the first two were done halfhazardly...if you want it to be that way then it is alright but in a poem proper punctuation is very important. Overall this is a good poem..It has a good theme and picture...it also radiates sophistication but also lonliness..but it suites the poem...how it is written and all...

Well, thats all. If you want to know anything then pm me or something....This is a review just so you know... these tablets are annoying...this is a review not a comment and I seriously need to learn how you certify a review...let me try..please do not mind...

Hi there! I would like to introduce myself before diving into this poem.

My name is Ariana and I'm going to take a stab at this.

So first off, I would like to commend you for your use of metaphors and similes here. They really added to the effect and made me feel like this was more personal and less of some kind of stranger's work. That is truly something that is desirable I believe in writing.

The formatting of the first stanza seemed a bit unique odd. It only had two words and the first word was lower cased. If that was intended of course that is okay though.

Otherwise I didn't really see anything else that I felt that I didn't like or that needed critique.

Wow! This is really powerful! I can't see how nobody reviewed this...maybe they were intimidated or something...But I'm not...I will do this for my team..our team named after you!! And I'm gonna do it to help you too.
Okay,so as I said,really powerful;I could see myself being transported to where you were when you wrote this.
I became the "me" in the first line.
That is also a really good statement to begin with;it draws in the reader to know more about you and what you are writing.
I really think it's great that you keep the theme of spherical light through that first stanza. And even though one theme is circular,we see another shape that is not a shape really but something you sense: loneliness.
The reason we feel this is because you mention "nothingness" and "plains"...these are things that one can sense and feel even when they just read it. Because you used such stimulating language in the opening stanza,you have opened our minds and senses to your piece.
Then,you open two other senses. You mention direction and I mentally started mapping out the surroundings of what was being described.I was trying to see what was in the north and what those unfair things could be. I became the "witness" even though you say the witness was the cold.....but still I felt like I had seen those unfair things.
Then you go to the south and I get mental whiplash trying to see what's there.
And then everything changes. The reader(me) does not feel transfixed solely in the surroundings anymore....we begin to have our eyes opened to something new...not loneliness anymore,but pain and fear and just desperation.
By the end of this I was in such awe at your amazing writing and use of imagery.
Just the best piece! Skyexxx